Any single parents (now or previously) who survived financially?!

GetOut

I'm a single parent and have been for the last 3.5yrs. My son is 6

Now, not everyone might agree with this and argue it's too hard/unachievable etc but my view was always 'don't spend less, earn more'. If you earn £1000net pcm you'll always struggle no matter what.

The only long term solution for this I realised was studying and making sure I was as good/miles better than everyone else in my job sector. I self studied 10pm onwards at nights after my son went to bed and 15 exams and 3 yrs later I was earning 25k pa more.

Hard slog, a few fails, tears and all but I did it in the end.

I'd suggest, if you've made all the cuts and are still struggling, have a look at what new skills you could learn, could your employer fund some courses? Could you change your career altogether? Self employment? Make yourself indispensable.

Cherry_Burton

Hi,

I'm another in the army of lone parents. My ex husband left me and the kids 10 years ago and has not contributes a penny since. He told the CSA that he has no income and relies on the good will of friends, astonishingly they believe him. The older ones have left home now and there are only two left at home with the older one going to Uni in a couple of weeks.

I have made every mistake in the book, and a few more I invented myself. It is very hard as you never seem to get a head, as soon as you have even a little bit of money set aside something happens and knocks you back. On the brightside my kids are great and more than make up for the stress, tears and worry. I feel sorry for my ex as he has missed so much, all through his own stupidity and greed.

Keep going, you are doing great and one day you will look back with satisfaction on the job you did.

Best wishes

CB

judi24

Single parent of 4 here too! and its not easy at all - like others I have tried to over compensate for my kids lack of decent father! When my DD2 went to uni her dad just refused point blank to pay anything to help her and because he had for his first daughter I then felt like I had no option to give her more financial help - I couldnt afford it either but didnt want her to think she was not as worthy as her older sister! also christmas , birthdays, holidays etc I have tried to make sure the kids dont miss out but this is what has led to my debt!


I know that if I just spent 2 years paying off my debt then I would be in amuch better position and could have debt free fun and adventures with the kids but its so hard when every day there is something else to pay for! But we will get there!

going_nowhere_fast

I can relate to so many comments in these posts.

I have in the past over compensated at christmas to hide the absence of presents from the ex or his family. Now i realise i cant afford to do that i realise a child is happiest when you spend time with them. Yes i have to say no to things a lot but we really appreciate things these days.

Ive been mulling over getting a qualification but only option to me is learning from home and id have no idea what id want to learn!!

I appreciate the comment that others live on credit and thats how they afford things i/we cant but i certainly feel that years ago people lived within their means, now people live on credit people if you live within your means then you stand out. I think its a good lesson to teach our children though so hopefully they will be wiser financially.

girlatplay

Hi GNF

I am a single parent, have been for 12 years. Little Miss Gap is 14 next month.

When we left her [STRIKE]poor excuse for a[/STRIKE] dad we had two bags of clothes (one mine, one hers), a cot, a microwave and about £7k of debt. We moved in with my parents until we got a council flat in a tower block in a not nice area. Things just didn't seem to be getting any better. I had gone to college for a year to get further qualifications but then couldn't get a job when I finished as I had no experience. I would drop LMG off at nursery in the morning then go straight to the job centre. Every. Single. Day. During that time I found and applied for numerous jobs then finally I got one. Yay! It was only part time but it was a job.

We lived on 8p noodles and baked beans. Sometimes if I had a little bit more I would go to the local community food co-op to pick up cheap veg for soup.

The debt got worse though, to include rent and council tax arrears and I got to the point where I was thinking about going bankrupt. I was chatting it over with a friend one night and she was so kind. She just listened and made suggestions.

I applied to my bank for a loan. I know that everyone here says consolidation loans are not the way to go but I hadn't discovered this website at that time and so I didn't know that. I was so nervous as I didn't think they would accept me and I couldn't see any other way out. They did accept me so I got a loan. I was able to cover ALL my debt with it and I only had one payment a month to deal with. (N.B. I am VERY strict and self-disciplined so I trusted myself).

I realised that a lot of things would have to change though. I couldn't bear where we lived. It was a rotten area and I lived in fear. I couldn't get a move with the council (Edinburgh council is not the easiest to deal with) and I didn't want to rent privately as I knew it would be expensive.

The main thing that dragged me into a better life is that I knew I had to earn more money. GetOut is spot on here. Luckily a full time position came up at my work so I bit the boss' arm off for it.

I have worked my a$$ off for the past 7 years, paying off all my debt to become debt free at December 2011. I have a mortgage over our lovely wee flat in a nice area (shared equity though - I am working on that part), I own my car outright, I have a decent emergency fund stashed away and am saving a mini one right now. I get my hair done every couple of months. We have a holiday every year and have had 2 big holidays in the past 4 years. I do have a credit card but I pay it off every month. I don't spend more than I know I can afford to pay back.

Throughout all of this though, Little Miss Gap only remembers the good stuff. She LOVES 8p noodles (which are now about 18p). She doesn't remember the window being broken by kids outside and how I used to hide in the bathroom when they were kicking footballs against the windows, she remembers the halloween parties we had and how untidy her bedroom was. She remembers the rabbit that we had and the (one and only) time I tried to make dinner with tinned mince and it was off! She's not bothered that we didn't have a garden, she remembers when we took picnics up to the park and played with the football and tennis racquets.

It has been such incredibly hard work and I have had to sacrifice some time with LMG in order to make more money but it means that our evenings and weekends are really important to us. We are very, very close.

I'm sorry for the War and Peace sequel but I just want you to know that it can be done, you just have to be prepared to work so very hard. Set small, achievable goals and keep your ultimate goal in mind. Love your child with all your heart and give them the attention that they need. That is what they will remember.

gap x

going_nowhere_fast

That was an incredible post, thank you for being so honest. You have really motivated me.

Things didnt change over night for you but they did eventually so i will try to be more patient. Where i live is in my opinion awful but other people dont see a problem with it, i suppose your opinion is different if you have grown up in an area or moved in to it. I am determined we will get out of here one day.

I dont have any family that can help with childcare so it is better for me to work part time, not just financially but for my childs happiness. I feel guilty about how much time they are in childcare as it is.

I am so uplifted by your comment that LMG doesnt remember not having a garden. Silly as it may be that is something i feel terrible for, especially when every one i know has a garden and trampoline. We are always going out places with picnics so im hoping that will be creating lovely memories.

If i reduced my food budget i could really make a dent in my debt, but is it mean to make beans on toast most days!!

girlatplay

Thank you.

Things didn't change overnight, you are right there, and I'm not going to pretend it was easy, it was absolutely not. I cried in private a lot. I grew up near to where we lived so I knew the area and knew it wasn't great but there is an extremely limited choice in Edinburgh and we couldn't stay with my parents for much longer. They were brilliant but we had to move on. We lived in that horrible flat for 4 years and I hated every day.

You don't say how old your child is but I'm presuming there are other children at childcare. Don't feel too guilty, it is a brilliant thing for them to interact with other children. Think of them as getting the chance to socialise with other kids which will stand them in good stead for the future. Look for positives in everything. When they go to school you could maybe consider increasing your hours if that is an option.

LMG does remember not having a garden, it just didn't bother her. It bothered me terribly because I grew up in a house with a garden and also all the kids in her class had gardens and trampolines, like you say. She was indifferent because I took her to the park. The Queen's Park was our garden haha.

Have a look at A Girl Called Jack's website (I can't link as I am typing this on my phone and will probably lose the whole message if I try). She has good recipes for a small budget and her story is good too. Look at Frugal Queen and Mortgage Free in Three too. All good recipes and debt busting stories. We ate noodles and beans because I couldn't really cook well. I wish there had been a website like A Girl Called Jack in those days.

Just to be clear, my car is 12 years old and my phone is 4 years old. I don't spend money on flashy stuff. I like getting my hair done every couple of months. I don't buy magazines so I get to read a couple when I'm there. She colours, washes, cuts and blowdries my hair whilst I read a mag and drink a cup of coffee that she makes for me. That is my treat to myself. I hardly ever go out and I don't drink or smoke (or gamble, or take drugs). We have a really simple life. I cook from scratch most nights. I pay for everything outright including insurances etc for the whole year.

LMG is getting annoyed with me as we are supposed to be watching a programme together right now so I will cut this short.

Never, never give up. It will happen for you, just keep visualising your dreams. If you ever want to PM me to chat, that's fine. I'm on here most days during the week. x

Nickynoo1

Yep,
I'm a single mum to an 8 year old. I had managed to rid myself of debt just before I had my son. In the last year of uni the debt started creep up on the credit cards while I was waiting for the loans to come through and now they seem to have spiraled out of control. I too feel I'm not getting anywhere. I'm not on a bad wage but still never have much left over for fun, and not enough to make a big enough dent in the debt for my liking. Childcare cost were ridiculous so I've just reduced my hours so I can pick my son up from school 4 days a week. Means a drop in wage but hoping one will cancel out the other and we will get to spend more time together. I cook from scratch most nights already and don't buy clothes often or get my hair done. All my money seems to go on non enjoyable items :-(, Holidays are camping trips at farms etc at around £10 per night. Hoping to check back here again to keep motivated to keep going

going_nowhere_fast

Nickynoo1

You are not alone. You describe how i feel sometimes. Life moves on and things change. Every day you are chipping away at your debt is a day closer to financial freedom. We will get there in the end!

MrJester

I really do like to praise single parents because I somewhat understand the struggle you go through. My mother for essentially all of my life has been a single parent to 5 children.
The eldest two were forced to move on eventually and then it was mainly supporting 3. But even to this day they all rely on her, she is a pensioner and most of my siblings are useless in managing their life, debt, etc. My mother was in debt for some 20 or more years (basically nearly my life span) and only in recent years went with a debt charity to solve it.
She has done the best she can to raise us all on extremely limited and never a steady income.

To the thread starter and all you others who are single parents, BLESS YOU, and keep going, your determination in overcoming the trials that are and will be thrown your way makes you IMO some of the strongest beings! You can take on anything, just like my mother did and can, and still come out the other end alive!