Any single parents (now or previously) who survived financially?!

going_nowhere_fast

I'm hoping there will be some inspiring posts on this thread.

I can afford all the important things in life but there's not much left for anything else. I need to pay debts off and move house to a better area. I feel like a failure because of the area I am raising my child. Every month I count my pennies and work out how much I can over pay the debts or put aside for emergencies and every month something needs fixing or replacing. There is always something. Its so deflating.

I don't remember what it feels like to be frivolous or how nice it must be to have my hair cut regularly or buy myself some clothes.

I know life changes but I'm tired.

Moan over, now who dragged themselves out of this situation and built a good life for their children?

blue_pixie

Hi there
Just wanted to say hello and tell you it sounds like you are doing amazing
Well done for caring so well for your little one. I understand completely how you feel, I have shopped in charity shops since my wee one was born, and my hair looks like the 'before' girl in the John Frieda adverts. And it does get you down sometimes, however we know things wont be this way forever, we'll get to our debt free days, and come out the other side. I honestly think too, that if I was handed a load of free money even with no debt, i would struggle to be frivolous with it these days! Now that's depressing!

Keep going g_n_f... You're doing so well..
B.p x

BILLIE

GNF yes I have and it was tough and it is only now that my 3 children are on their late 20's that I look back and think how did I cope, but I did as there was no choice. I had to bring up 3 boys alone who were at the time 10, 8, and 7. Keeping up with their mates, school trips and just wanting to give them something to compensate for their useless father took its toll emotionally, but I kept plugging away and they are now three great guys and appreciate the sacrifices I made and realise there was loads of love and that is priceless. I wish you well and sorry there is no instant fix, but you will, one day in the very distant future, come out the other side and look back!! Good luck

Sellurgranny

:wave: Hi G-n-f,

I'm a single parent to 3 DDs, 10,15,18. I've been raising them on my own for 5 years now and money is very tight. Although it has to be said, coming from my previous situation of being married to a gambler, what little money is completely under my control and i do a budget every week. No more getting to the checkout to find you've had your card declined as the other half has cleared out the bank account. No more going cap in hand to my mother in law to bail us out of one crisis or another. No, its not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it is manageable.

I had £4k worth of debts when I came out of my marriage and I've managed to get these to £0 in the last year, by scrimping and scraping and doing lots of ebay/doing car boot sales etc. Ive still got a way to go as i have further secured debts but these will take time to whittle down.

I dont spend alot on food and make meals from scratch most of the time. Kids take packed lunches to school. I use a system of electronic money pots on my bank account to put money to one side when I know theres a big bill coming. It seems to work for me.

I shop in charity shops ALL the time, in any case I'd rather where something 2nd hand that's a quality brand than something cheap that last 2 seconds from primarni. But that's a personal choice. The kids are on board with the chazza shops - my eldest two go to them with their friends - it seems its quite cool now!

Food shopping - I go to Lidl and top up anything I can't get at Morries. But I dont spend more than £50 a week all in for us 4.

My eldest is off to Uni this week so my income has dropped by almost a third. Im going to see how things go up until xmas and if I find Im not coping financially will look at trying to do extra hours at work to cover the shortfall. What Im a little concerned about is when she comes home from uni in the holiday times. She eats like a horse for a start. Uni holidays are pretty long - Im going to have to talk to her about contributing in some way to the household coffers when she's home in the holidays. Even if its just giving me a tenner towards the food shop for instance.

Anyway, sorry, have waffled on for long enough. As a thought, have you looked on the turn2us website for any grants that could help you? worth checking out anyway. Also see if you're eligible for the Warm Homes payment from your energy provider. I didnt think I was but reading about it on another forum I had another look and it looks promising. Although still waiting to hear back from them.

Good luck with your debt free journey - you'll get there in the end you just have to take the long view and its surprising how small achievements can add up. xx

Kate_fixing_it

I was for several years and I wish I'd had this board for advice and support. Financially I did a terrible job. I was constantly scratching around for pennies and made bad choices when I had money. It was feast or famine in those days However, we got through it. The kids are in their mid teens now and they are lovely people. We only had each other for company so we're very close.

To (sort of) echo Sellurgranny look at the positives - you are in control. I may have majorly screwed up a few times all those years ago but I only had myself to blame and I got myself out of it. I'm now remarried but I still on occasion "forget" to consult DH on decisions because I'd got so used to being in charge for so long.

It takes a lot of strength to keep going when you have no one to support you and little people depending on you but the years fly past. Get your child involved in budgeting. My 7 year old will read out a shopping list and tick it off, my 5 year old will help plan meals for the week and some of my best memories are winter walks around the estate we lived on to look at the Christmas lights which cost nothing.

Above all remember it's not forever. They grow up so fast, don't let money (or lack of it) steal away precious time watching your child grow.

Kate x

going_nowhere_fast

Thanks everyone for your experiences.

I do budget and shop around to get the best prices but this has been my life for so long it'd be nice to not have to do it anymore. I dont think i would ever go back to spending the way i used to but it would be nice if i was in a position to relax the budget.

Ive been told its much harder for children in high school to adjust to changing schools and making new friends so one way or another i need to make enormous progress with my finances before then so i can move to a better area. Some times i think if you want something enough you can make it happen and other days it feels like im on a hamster wheel and not getting anywhere. I do read mse a lot - its very motivational.

I claimed warm home discount last year but havent done it this year. Thanks for the reminder.

As for your eldest at uni, im presuming they will have a part time job for spends maybe charge them during the hols?

Off to look at my debt balances now. I look at them every day, i dont know why because the figures are the same as yesterday. Its a good reminder to not spend money on rubbish though.

going_nowhere_fast

Forgot to say, i too have made bad choices with my money since becoming a single parent. Could kick myself now because i had lots of savings before. Id never had to budget so i didnt know how to do it. I had to learn and lost all my savings and got in to debt in the process. Onwards and upwards eh..

Kate_fixing_it

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

Forgot to say, i too have made bad choices with my money since becoming a single parent. Could kick myself now because i had lots of savings before. Id never had to budget so i didnt know how to do it. I had to learn and lost all my savings and got in to debt in the process. Onwards and upwards eh..

Could have written this myself! I used to beat myself up over it but it's done. I can't change the past and I'm much wiser now. If none of us ever made bad/unwise/less good choices we wouldn't be here.

Try not to kick yourself over the past - you didn't know any better at the time. And there's always the possibility that it wasn't the worst you could have done!

Kate x

FireWyrm

Life has always been tough, in terms of counting pennies and determining which fire to fight each month.My father used to tell stories of how his grandmother would frantically search all the local pubs on a Friday night looking for his grandfather before he could drink the wages leaving her and their 12 (surviving - they had 16 in total) kids to deal with another week of nothing. Allegedly, if he wouldnt give her the money, she was known to knock him down and take it - all 4.5 ft of her.

It is a recent idea that anyone had anything more than just enough to survive but only as long as they were careful and in some cases practically omniscient. I'll let you in on a secret, most people are flat stony broke most of the time. The only reason they can have their hair cut regularly and buy all those new clothes every month, is because they borrowed the money and they'll have to pay it back sometime. Few have enough actual cash to do the things you envy, so I wouldnt worry about it. It sounds like you are doing a sterling job and certainly no less than every man and woman has had to do since time in memorial.

tibawo

It is nice to know that I am not alone.

I left when pregnant with dd2, the dad would spend my money and leave me with nothing for the kids. I moved to get away from it all... Another country in fact and cannot get a job as I am up against new graduates. It is so demoralising.

I felt guilty saying no all the time and telling the girls how poor we are but I forget how rich we are in other ways.
I now say no most of the time but we do have treats which I think they appreciate more. They come first. Dd1 is good in that she knows if she wants branded goods she might have to wait and even then I will prob get from ebay.

ViolaLass

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

Ive been told its much harder for children in high school to adjust to changing schools and making new friends

Harder, maybe, but not the end of the world. You wouldn't ruin their lives by doing this.