Ageism at work help

[Deleted User]

Hi everyone,
This is my first post and I'd like to help with an issue that's getting a bit upsetting .

I am 48 and have recently started a new job ( 6mths ago ) in a fairly large office divided into various departments.

I really enjoy the job but this is the rub, I am significantly older than all my colleagues and they don't let me forget it. They are mostly in their 20's as are the supervisor and manager.

They are constantly making references about do I know this band, that cartoon etc and then it's oh no you wouldn't at your age. Sometimes it creeps in oh my god I'm 29 I'll be as old as you soon , or if I say I like something they'll say yes my mum would like that.
They are totally ' young' focused

L and as someone who has never before even thought about age I'm feeling very isolated about it . Even the manager automatically thought my hearing was a problem when I missed a call but it was nothing to do with that I was just chatting .

Goodness know how people are expected to work into their 60's when even in your forties it is so bad .

How can I forget all this and just enjoy the job.

Buzzybee90

BBH123 wrote: »

Hi everyone,
This is my first post and I'd like to help with an issue that's getting a bit upsetting .

I am 48 and have recently started a new job ( 6mths ago ) in a fairly large office divided into various departments.

I really enjoy the job but this is the rub, I am significantly older than all my colleagues and they don't let me forget it. They are mostly in their 20's as are the supervisor and manager.

They are constantly making references about do I know this band, that cartoon etc and then it's oh no you wouldn't at your age. Sometimes it creeps in oh my god I'm 29 I'll be as old as you soon , or if I say I like something they'll say yes my mum would like that.
They are totally ' young' focused

L and as someone who has never before even thought about age I'm feeling very isolated about it . Even the manager automatically thought my hearing was a problem when I missed a call but it was nothing to do with that I was just chatting .

Goodness know how people are expected to work into their 60's when even in your forties it is so bad .

How can I forget all this and just enjoy the job.

I am the opposite, my closest colleague agesise (in 80 staff) is about 10 years older, but bar us and one other everyone else is about 30+ years older than me.

I just embrace it and I've learnt a lot from them, maybe there's things you could learn from us too?

It sounds like they're just trying to be helpful and having a joke, I wouldn't take it too personally!

Bella73

You have a few options:

Ignore them

Ask them what their problem is?

Tell them you don't like it

Do it in reverse, such as well when you are out of nappies etc. Do you know this band? Oh sorry...I guess you were still crawling around the floor then!

When they say things like...my Mum would like that...say well of course she would comes from a fantastic vintage obviously...

pol-zeath

Just adopt a smug self-satisfied amused look - when people are ageist, and I reckon women are worse than men for this, I think it is probably making them feel better about themselves slightly superior may be? But I certainly wouldn't let them think it was getting to me.

Ignore their silly comments, concentrate on your work and become as efficient as you possibly can.

purpleshoes_2

BBH123 wrote: »

Hi everyone,
This is my first post and I'd like to help with an issue that's getting a bit upsetting .

I am 48 and have recently started a new job ( 6mths ago ) in a fairly large office divided into various departments.

I really enjoy the job but this is the rub, I am significantly older than all my colleagues and they don't let me forget it. They are mostly in their 20's as are the supervisor and manager.

They are constantly making references about do I know this band, that cartoon etc and then it's oh no you wouldn't at your age. Sometimes it creeps in oh my god I'm 29 I'll be as old as you soon , or if I say I like something they'll say yes my mum would like that.
They are totally ' young' focused

L and as someone who has never before even thought about age I'm feeling very isolated about it . Even the manager automatically thought my hearing was a problem when I missed a call but it was nothing to do with that I was just chatting .

Goodness know how people are expected to work into their 60's when even in your forties it is so bad .

How can I forget all this and just enjoy the job.

I know its easy to say, but if I started a job and people kept cracking jokes about my age, Id say something like you are right, I am really ancient, anything better we could talk about because this is getting boring. Or Id say, I dont know this band but my toyboy does.

Really ridiculous that someone made a comment about your hearing, you are 48, not 98. Loads of people will work to 65 and beyond because they cant afford to retire.

A lot depends on whether you feel its crossing the line into bullying, theres a lot of them and one of you.

Im sorry you are going through this, it cant be nice to be constantly criticised about your age. For what its worth speaking as someone who is 40 something, its hardly ancient, if you show you are upset it will probably keep on, if you laugh it off they might find something better and more interesting to talk about.

purpleshoes_2

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I am the opposite, my closest colleague agesise (in 80 staff) is about 10 years older, but bar us and one other everyone else is about 30+ years older than me.

I just embrace it and I've learnt a lot from them, maybe there's things you could learn from us too?

It sounds like they're just trying to be helpful and having a joke, I wouldn't take it too personally!

I agree about not taking it too personally, but Im not sure whats helpful about constantly making jokes about someone's age. Or assuming they are hard of hearing because they missed a call.

Buzzybee90

purpleshoes wrote: »

I agree about not taking it too personally, but Im not sure whats helpful about constantly making jokes about someone's age. Or assuming they are hard of hearing because they missed a call.

I looked on it more as misguided help (the hearing) than a snide comment, obviously we weren't there and tone could change things a lot.

Lily-Rose_3

Sorry you are having to tolerate this BBH. I don't know what else to suggest, other than what the others have said, about making stupid remarks yourself, taking the pee out of yourself, or explaining you are upset.

I feel sorry for you and I hope that you get this resolved soon. Not sure how you are going to resolve this though, without just laughing off the comments, or being sarcy, or telling them it's peeing you off.

dancingfairy

Either make a joke of it in the same way , ie don't you know age brings wisdom , or ask them if they remember x,y,z and then say (oh, of course you don't it's before your time).
It's hard to know if they are a) just taking the mickey b) are uncomfortable about the fact you are more experienced (and are therefore coming across silly and immature) or c) actually being horrible.
My gut reaction is that it is probably banter but then I'm not the one who has to deal with it everyday.
Maybe ignore them or could you pull one of them aside somehow and explain to them that it's really making you upset?
df

suse*

This depends on the tone as Buzzybee said but could they actually be a bit jealous of you in a way. Getting towards 30 can be scary, do they still live at home, or are not as rich and famous as they'd imagined they'd be by that age.

I wouldn't take it personally if you can, but just think aww look at the children having to face up to growing up. If anything you could play up on it and talk about the time before internet and mobiles etc, and how you're still able to send an email with your massive disadvantages in life ;0). Take some of their energy and listen to their interests as just because they are younger doesn't mean you might not find some common ground. Vintage is in right now after all so you're bang on trend :0)

coolcait

purpleshoes wrote: »

I agree about not taking it too personally, but Im not sure whats helpful about constantly making jokes about someone's age. Or assuming they are hard of hearing because they missed a call.

If you're new in a job, and miss a call because you're chatting - would it really be better if your manager noticed that? The OP probably had a lucky escape on that one!


It's also possible that the manager was trying to point out the missed call in a 'light-hearted' way.


The OP is not the first person to post on this forum about being surrounded by workmates/family who are almost cartoonishly rude.


The best way forward is to set boundaries. Either directly "I'd prefer it if we talked about something other than my age" or 'light-heartedly' -"I may be older than the rest of you - but I'm still not half as old as all the talk about my age! Let's talk about something different".