Did I over-react?

Gavin83

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

I found it made them like me more. If they think you don't give a s**t, you will be on their mind. If they know you're keen - not so much.

This isn't always the case though. If I thought the woman I was dating didn't give a !!!! I wouldn't waste my time, I'd just move on to someone else who actually seemed into me.

Some men like the chase while others don't like playing games.

Newlyboughthouse

Gavin83 wrote: »

This isn't always the case though. If I thought the woman I was dating didn't give a !!!! I wouldn't waste my time, I'd just move on to someone else who actually seemed into me.

Some men like the chase while others don't like playing games.

I see what you're saying - I like to think I don't like to play games, but in the past it has driven me nuts when the guy doesn't get in touch, and I tend to get irritated if someone appears too keen. Works both ways gender-wise.

newcook

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

My general rule of thumb is, never ever do the texting. If they like you, they will text you. .

Personally I think this will only get you so far for so long before they think ‘I sent the first message yesterday and the day before, I’ll see how long it takes for them to get in touch today’.

A guy I was dating used to wait for me to always send the first text until one day I decided not to – after about a week he got in touch and asked if something was wrong as he hadn’t heard from me. He was rather surprised when I told him that I was bored of always being the first to message as all the girls he had previously dated had always contacted him first - Needless to say I told him he could jog on!

Newlyboughthouse

newcook wrote: »

Personally I think this will only get you so far for so long before they think ‘I sent the first message yesterday and the day before, I’ll see how long it takes for them to get in touch today’.

A guy I was dating used to wait for me to always send the first text until one day I decided not to – after about a week he got in touch and asked if something was wrong as he hadn’t heard from me. He was rather surprised when I told him that I was bored of always being the first to message as all the girls he had previously dated had always contacted him first - Needless to say I told him he could jog on!

Good for you for telling him where to go!

I'm not saying it's not classed as game-playing, but it is the reality (with many, if not most, whether they say they don't play games or not). Not wanting to sound big headed but I've always been rather successful with men taking the aloof attitude (bring on the hate)....

I've watched 'needy' friends constantly get screwed over by men. I myself was absolutely obsessed with my first boyfriend at 15 and wouldn't leave him alone. He dumped me and broke my heart because I was being so needy.

VitaK

Some enjoy the dating games and some find them off-putting. Hit or miss, if you ask me.

Coward or not, he could have said something.

System

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

My general rule of thumb is, never ever do the texting. If they like you, they will text you.

Good rule of thumb but after so long the man would feel like he's doing all the running/flogging a dead horse. Its all about getting the balance right. He does the running, you do the encouraging... Well that's how I see it anyway.

Personally, in your shoes OP I wouldn't have bothered again after he ignored your first text.

FBaby

The reality is if he is that much of a coward he couldn't face telling you that for whatever reason he didn't want to take it forward what kind of boyfriend could he really be? Probably one that avoids any sort of conflict or confrontation and would have let you down even g aider at a later stage.

It happened to me one guy I liked chased me went on two days that went really well second left with promising move forward and plan for a third and then heard nothing at all. It was really puzzling as he had done the chasing and was the one suggesting the future etc... I never confronted him but later got the hint that it was probably my age that was the issue. I look younger do probably thought I was closer to his then realised and stated thinking that it might become an issue if he wanted a family (I was mid 30s then too). Don't take it personally the issue is not with your but clearly him.

picklekin

DUTR wrote: »

I didn't wan't to rail road this thread, I'm in a similarish situation to the OP's friend, would be interesting to read other viewpoints.

Since you can see it from the other side, could you tell us why you wanted to date someone you've known for a long time which could put your friendship at risk, if only to want to stop after a couple of dates? I agree with the OP, after all this time surely you must have seen most sides of them and would not be put off by a few dates!

Delree

You're not a nut job. It's !!!!!! to ignore someone and it takes a lot self control to just let it go when you've been wronged like that.

Don't worry though because whilst you feel bad now, this too shall pass.

makeitstop

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

I see what you're saying - I like to think I don't like to play games, but in the past it has driven me nuts when the guy doesn't get in touch, and I tend to get irritated if someone appears too keen. Works both ways gender-wise.

"Irritated" if someone is "too" keen.???

What is "too" keen exactly, and how do you define it.?

Personally, I think perhaps it's better to just allow people to see what you really feel, whether that be keen or not so keen. Just let them know so a reasonable judgement can be made.

I'd hazzard a guess that most people would not be massively impressed by someone who "appeared" disinterested just simply to play it cool, equally as much as they may not be massively impressed by someone who was so madly obsessed that they were at your house peering through the windows to get another glance of you.

Just be honest, balanced, respectful and fair and I'm sure people would appreciate that more.