Grrrr tough day ahead!

Counting_Pennies_2

After many months of burying my head the day has come for my side of the family to meet up.


It is a dysfunctional one at best. Everyone keen to have the greater needs, it is a silent competition to see who has the greatest ailments, the most need for disabled aids. Then a moan about the political system, and then bringing up all the people famous or living locally who have died. Everything is negative!


I moved from my home town as trying to be positive was a losing battle. Anything I raised as positive or ways to help were dismissed as it is better to have the ailments as I think it means they have something legitimate to moan about.


Being the youngest of 3 children I was always treated as the youngest and have never been able to have a valid view point or a stake in anything


I have limited myself to just a couple of visits a year for key birthdays.


However for the first time ever we are having a family meet up, everyone away from their homes and at a family attraction.


I know I should feel nothing I should be grateful that I have moved away from it all, but all the old feelings are surfacing! I feel like that teenager all over again.


They have all arranged (as they always did, never discussing and agreeing arrangements with me just telling me) the date time and meet up. They then arranged hotel accommodation without including me, and then told me the hotel was fully booked!


I have now just been informed they are going to be arriving together in a mini bus and will be entering the park themselves under a 10+ deal and we are to do our own thing.


I just don't know how I am going to keep myself in check without wanting to scream about all my years of frustration

Tigsteroonie

Don't go?

Do go, and have a fabulous time whilst ignoring their existence?

Do go, suck it all up and push it down inside you, plaster on a fake smile, and know that you won't have to see them all again for quite a while?

I know many who go for the latter option :rotfl:

Yorkie1

I'd be tempted to tell them that as they didn't bother to consult you over any of the details (including, possibly, the date ... ?? ) you cannot now attend.

If you do go, though, perhaps play mental bingo with yourself? Plan certain phrases that you are sure someone will come up with, and tick them off with an inward smile when you're proved right?

Good luck, anyway.

CH27

Why bother with people who don't consider you?

Dozey_crow

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

After many months of burying my head the day has come for my side of the family to meet up.


It is a dysfunctional one at best. Everyone keen to have the greater needs, it is a silent competition to see who has the greatest ailments, the most need for disabled aids. Then a moan about the political system, and then bringing up all the people famous or living locally who have died. Everything is negative!


I moved from my home town as trying to be positive was a losing battle. Anything I raised as positive or ways to help were dismissed as it is better to have the ailments as I think it means they have something legitimate to moan about.


Being the youngest of 3 children I was always treated as the youngest and have never been able to have a valid view point or a stake in anything


I have limited myself to just a couple of visits a year for key birthdays.


However for the first time ever we are having a family meet up, everyone away from their homes and at a family attraction.


I know I should feel nothing I should be grateful that I have moved away from it all, but all the old feelings are surfacing! I feel like that teenager all over again.


They have all arranged (as they always did, never discussing and agreeing arrangements with me just telling me) the date time and meet up. They then arranged hotel accommodation without including me, and then told me the hotel was fully booked!


I have now just been informed they are going to be arriving together in a mini bus and will be entering the park themselves under a 10+ deal and we are to do our own thing.


I just don't know how I am going to keep myself in check without wanting to scream about all my years of frustration

Hi.. Just a thought but you do realize that you don't have to go don't you. The past reads like you don't have a choice but you do. If you have been excluded to this extent anyway and it is causing you distress perhaps you should give it a miss? Being excluded from the arrangements may be beneficial here add you can say that it's inconvenient, unaffordable or whatever and as that had you been consulted you would have said so!

Tbh... This is what I would be doing in this situation.

Errata

Go - encourage their negativity - wind them up - and have some fun.

alextexmex

Dozey_crow wrote: »

Hi.. Just a thought but you do realize that you don't have to go don't you. The past reads like you don't have a choice but you do. If you have been excluded to this extent anyway and it is causing you distress perhaps you should give it a miss? Being excluded from the arrangements may be beneficial here add you can say that it's inconvenient, unaffordable or whatever and as that had you been consulted you would have said so!

Tbh... This is what I would be doing in this situation.

I have to say I do agree with the above, They didn't consider your and your families needs, did not give you a say so I would think very hard of if you really want to go and if you feel the atmosphere would be uncomfortable for you.


I would say since that they didn't ask you or involve you that its not all that convenient for you, if you decide you don't want to go. Plus saves arguments and feeling out of place. I wish you luck whatever you decide.

Counting_Pennies_2

Thanks all for your replies.


I am sorely tempted not to go but it is the only event that has ever been arranged that is outside the prison of one of their homes (where they brag about their latest disability gadget!) I am encouraged not to send birthday presents as they just want money, I sent a cheque and a magazine subscription for one a few years ago and I got a letter back asking if I could refund the subscription and send them the cash. So when I visited last time, I was informed the latest cheque was to pay for the latest disability walker that folds down flat, two perfectly good ones are already in the house.


I have invited them to visit me but they say it is too far, I have tried to suggest things to do locally to them, but it is not suitable for them apparently. This event is a two hour drive from all our homes, coming from various different points around the country but they don't see the irony of the fact I am only 1 hour away from them.


I know it will be good for my children to have the memory of an outing with my side of the family. We have plenty with my husbands side but there has been nothing in 20 years with my side.


So I will need to suck it up!


It is just I have already had an exchange by text this evening informing me of the mini bus and their arrival and entry into the park leaving us to sort ourselves out, and I have sent back a blunt response. I shouldn't it makes me into that teenager again, but my goodness I want to scream and shout and rage, but it is me that is in the wrong and it all becomes focused on me. They never see they are contributing to my frustration.


So I will try to put on a steely smile, but I can see I am going to want to say it was unfair of them not to include me, and to think I would have liked to join in. I know it will go wrong if I do. That there will never be a platform for me to raise how I feel, as it will all come out with me being in the wrong and not to be silly, because it always has ended up that way when I have tried to raise it.


Oh goodness a difficult day ahead.


Thanks all for your responses

alextexmex

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

Thanks all for your replies.


I am sorely tempted not to go but it is the only event that has ever been arranged that is outside the prison of one of their homes (where they brag about their latest disability gadget!) I am encouraged not to send birthday presents as they just want money, I sent a cheque and a magazine subscription for one a few years ago and I got a letter back asking if I could refund the subscription and send them the cash. So when I visited last time, I was informed the latest cheque was to pay for the latest disability walker that folds down flat, two perfectly good ones are already in the house.


I have invited them to visit me but they say it is too far, I have tried to suggest things to do locally to them, but it is not suitable for them apparently. This event is a two hour drive from all our homes, coming from various different points around the country but they don't see the irony of the fact I am only 1 hour away from them.


I know it will be good for my children to have the memory of an outing with my side of the family. We have plenty with my husbands side but there has been nothing in 20 years with my side.


So I will need to suck it up!


It is just I have already had an exchange by text this evening informing me of the mini bus and their arrival and entry into the park leaving us to sort ourselves out, and I have sent back a blunt response. I shouldn't it makes me into that teenager again, but my goodness I want to scream and shout and rage, but it is me that is in the wrong and it all becomes focused on me. They never see they are contributing to my frustration.


So I will try to put on a steely smile, but I can see I am going to want to say it was unfair of them not to include me, and to think I would have liked to join in. I know it will go wrong if I do. That there will never be a platform for me to raise how I feel, as it will all come out with me being in the wrong and not to be silly, because it always has ended up that way when I have tried to raise it.


Oh goodness a difficult day ahead.


Thanks all for your responses

I truly hope it goes well and at least leaves some positive memories for the children but if you have even a moments worth of doubt I would walk away from going and don't be afraid of standing your ground. Head high good luck!

dancingfairy

Sorry but if you haven't had contact with them for the last 20 years I can't see anything changing and I can't see that your children will benefit, unless of course it's to prove your family are self-centered and not nice to be around.
You'd be better off spending your time and energy within your family unit rather than trying to spend time with people who you happen to be related to but don't seem to have anything in common with and who you don't get on with.
I hope you get through the day o.k though.
df

marisco_2

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

we are to do our own thing.

Take the above statement literally and don't go. Nothing is to be gained by attending this gathering. The people closest to you and who you choose to spend time with, should make your life better simply by being a part of it, not worse by treating you with contempt and leaving you feeling awful about yourself.