What is loneliness?-And is being alone a good or bad thing?

monkeychops

I like my own company and a lot of the time just don't want to be with other people except OH.


He is working away a lot at the moment and I miss him but I wouldn't really say I am lonely. I watch tv, read, listen to music, clean the house etc. I also walk my dog a few times a day and almost always speak to at least one person on a walk.


If I feel like I need to speak to someone I can always visit my parents or my sister who all live very close by. As I say though, a lot of the time I don't want to see people and make conversations. Probably makes me odd

hunnie

I now live alone, but I am not lonely.


The time in my life when I can recall feeling lonely was when a child. I was an only child and I did long for siblings but it wasn't to be.
My parents were each from fairly large families and thought they were doing their best for me by sending me on holiday every year from as early as I can remember, with an aunt and uncle and my three cousins. This aunt and uncle holiday'd with their relatives 'another' aunt and uncle who also had three children. So there were six other children who were all with their parents - and there was me!
I hated it as I never felt I belonged in their group and so I felt lonely.


I eventually had three children of my own and like nothing better than having them, their spouses and all the grandchildren round. I love the way they can all talk and banter in such a relaxed way.


But I also like my space when they all go home

System

I like my own company, i'll be the first to admit that.

But right now i'm lonely. For the past 2 years or so i have had someone to talk to. Someone who is always there. Now we've split i have realized just how alone i actually am. Yes i may talk to customers and colleagues at work, but when i come home i realize how truly alone i actually am. I'm alone in this world. I have nobody to talk to about my day. I have nobody to talk to about my feelings. I have no-one. Its just me.

And that is so utterly depressing. It scares me that this is potentially my future. That i will never have anyone to share my life with. I took for granted how it was to have someone else there and now i have nothing.

I'm just left alone with my thoughts, and my feelings. And that is loneliness. And its terrifying.

Primrose

I think it's a good thing to feel contented in your own company and to be able to live chunks of your life without constantly being with other people but it can have the effect of making you uncompaniable in company. If you don't try to engage with others, there can be difficult times in your life when there is nobody to reach out to for moral support. Loneliness and isolation then can seem a very wretched experience. I think a person with a balanced outlook is probably happiest, ie enjoying your own company yet also taking pleasure in the company of friends and famiy.

MadelinesMum

ljonski wrote: »

I really do find that listening to exactly the same tripe that people have been talking to me about for all these years, makes me feel worse after speaking with them than before!-And consequently i have cut off old friends and tried to limit contact with others.

I find that the more time I spend with people, they eventually start grating on me. I think (but don't know until I do) that I will live alone once my children have flown the nest. I find my mood is affected greatly by other peoples words and actions and it's more bad than good. I'm sure it depends on the people you surround yourself with but sometimes you can't choose.

Person_one

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I like my own company, i'll be the first to admit that.

But right now i'm lonely. For the past 2 years or so i have had someone to talk to. Someone who is always there. Now we've split i have realized just how alone i actually am. Yes i may talk to customers and colleagues at work, but when i come home i realize how truly alone i actually am. I'm alone in this world. I have nobody to talk to about my day. I have nobody to talk to about my feelings. I have no-one. Its just me.

And that is so utterly depressing. It scares me that this is potentially my future. That i will never have anyone to share my life with. I took for granted how it was to have someone else there and now i have nothing.

I'm just left alone with my thoughts, and my feelings. And that is loneliness. And its terrifying.

I'm really really sorry to hear you're feeling like this.

I think its really common and normal to end up relying on a partner for all your companionship/emotional needs, of course its a big change when they're suddenly gone! After my last break up, one of the hardest things to adjust to was that there's nobody to have that 'how was your day' conversation with. You get used to having somebody very intimate and there all the time and then you have to get used to them being gone. Its rough.

The future doesn't have to be so scary though, you can adapt, you can find and make those connections so that you do have somebody to talk to when you need it. I know from your posts here that you're an intelligent and kind person, even though you have some struggles. If you ever want to PM me. please feel free.

SandC

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I like my own company, i'll be the first to admit that.

But right now i'm lonely. For the past 2 years or so i have had someone to talk to. Someone who is always there. Now we've split i have realized just how alone i actually am. Yes i may talk to customers and colleagues at work, but when i come home i realize how truly alone i actually am. I'm alone in this world. I have nobody to talk to about my day. I have nobody to talk to about my feelings. I have no-one. Its just me.

And that is so utterly depressing. It scares me that this is potentially my future. That i will never have anyone to share my life with. I took for granted how it was to have someone else there and now i have nothing.

I'm just left alone with my thoughts, and my feelings. And that is loneliness. And its terrifying.

Echo what PersonOne said above but MessedUp, these feelings won't last forever. This is a form of grief when a relationship ends and should be worked through however you can.... this relates to that person and not people as a whole. You are going through big changes but just remember to keep reminding yourself that from here it gets better.

When I had a really bad breakup some years ago I used to keep telling myself through the tears 'you will get over this', not that I believed it at the time.

Not that you want to hear it right now but relationship break ups often end up changing us for the better, eventually.

pickledonionspaceraider

being alone and lonely are two different things. I am happy spending time on my own, but have felt lonely in a crowd

74jax

I love being alone and having my own space. I love a day shipping, going for lunch, an evening watching a film etc.

Thankfully hubby is out a lot, we are defo not a couple that does everything together.

I like holidays without him, like it when he goes away for weekend, I am just so relaxed.

*Robin*

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

being alone and lonely are two different things. I am happy spending time on my own, but have felt lonely in a crowd

^^^ Agree (personally).

When learning to speak Spanish, it was a surprise to discover there is only one word to express both "alone" and "lonely".