What is loneliness?-And is being alone a good or bad thing?

ljonski

Found this article today that mentions Dickie Bird.

http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/loneliness-Dickie-Bird-help-improve-lives-older/story-22766366-detail/story.html

Although i think it is not a great idea to have call centres ringing you,it apparently is a major problem in the UK- or is it?

Many people would perhaps consider me lonely! But i have a cat, a garden the internet, my kindle and chat with my neighbours superficially at least.

I really do find that listening to exactly the same tripe that people have been talking to me about for all these years, makes me feel worse after speaking with them than before!-And consequently i have cut off old friends and tried to limit contact with others!

I had an unexpected visitor last week -who knocked me out of my stride and although after they had gone , i was glad they had been, but not outstayed their welcome-they immediately accused me of being grumpy and theyhavent been back since!

Growing up i watched regularly the1960s tv series Robinson Crusoe and the most soul destroying thing that happened was when his dog died. Ironically apart from this, he had it made, and the only danger to him came from the occasional human visitors!

I suspect the real loneliness came to him after he was rescued (Alexander Selkirk) as he had no one to empathise with about what it had been like, stuck on that island.- For me that is the real definition of loneliness -not having anyone to understand totally how you feel and what your experiences have made you into.-even if you are in a crowd of people!

I realise that most elderly people don't have access to the internet but as my generation gets older , will lonelines be less of a problem?

-After all on the internet even if you are a cantankerous old git there are plenty of other like minded individuals that you can converse with?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Depends.

I need physical contact with people. People I care about and care for me.

My boyfriend has been away for just over a week and, even though I don't normally see him everyday, after three days, I was desperate to see my friends - and spent the next four nights out with various mates. I didn't go out yesterday, but I'm off out again in a minute, because the silence is deafening.

A ((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))) is no substitute for the warmth of a living, breathing human's arms.

Person_one

I'd say it's really valuable and important to be able to be content and comfortable in your own company and to manage on your own if need be, but that it's equally important that you have a way to get that human contact and social interaction if you need or want it.

In my experience, people don't feel lonely just because they spend a lot of time alone or prefer being on their own, it's because at times of difficulty or where they do need support (most of us do sooner or later) they haven't got anyone they can reach out to.

It's also important of course to remember that relationships aren't a one way street and that it's not just about what they can do for you and what you get out of it!

January20

Loneliness doesn't necessarily happen only when you are alone. I often reflect that I am less lonely now that I am single than when I was married. It's a cliche, I know, but you can be lonely in a crowd.

There is a difference between being lonely and being a solitary person I think. I'm definitely the latter. I find people can be extremely tiring as I'm not always in the mood for small talk and I need to retreat to my cave to recharge my batteries. I'm definitely not lonely.

Like you OP, I have my cat, my home, my hobbies and I can keep myself happily occupied for a long time. However, I do enjoy the company of others too. I have my DD and a few close friends I like to spend time with.

I have a friend who cannot stand her own company and any hobby/ interest she has must involve other people and she is constantly emailing and texting asking to meet to do this and that. Frankly, and I feel guilty for it but, I pity her and sometimes find her a bit of a burden.

SandC

I spend a lot of time alone and that is exactly how I like it. I only think I would be lonely if I didn't have that choice.... for example if I didn't have my job to go to every day or I didn't have my fitness hobby which is very sociable.

I happily spend most weekends without much contact with anyone, I just love pottering. Last weekend I barely even went near the internet and my phone (which is just a phone) often gets left in my work bag on a Friday forgotten about until Sunday.

I too have friends who have to do things with others all the time and struggle with their own company. They are the ones who are more likely to feel loneliness in my opinion than those of us who spend a lot of time alone.

SavingPennies_2

I enjoy my own company and can only take the company of other people for so long before I need a bit of "me time", no matter how much I like them. I love pottering about the house and doing solo activities like reading and watching films. I also only have a few friends but that's the way I have chosen to be.

However, I would hate to feel I am alone. Like I don't have to be around people but I do like to know that I have people there even if I'm not physically around them all the time..if that makes sense.

I agree with SandC I've known people who just can't be alone and I think they are more likely to feel lonely.

Errata

Of course loneliness is a bad thing, prisoners aren't banged up in solitary confinement because it will make them feel full of the joys of spring.

SavingPennies_2

Errata wrote: »

Of course loneliness is a bad thing, prisoners aren't banged up in solitary confinement because it will make them feel full of the joys of spring.

I think perhaps better wording would have been "Is being alone a bad thing"?

SandC

I should imagine many prisoners feel as much loneliness on a wing full of other criminals as they would in solitary confinement. It all depends whether you have any emotional connection to others around you - whether that's friendship, love or indeed hatred.

Hermia

January20 wrote: »

Loneliness doesn't necessarily happen only when you are alone. I often reflect that I am less lonely now that I am single than when I was married. It's a cliche, I know, but you can be lonely in a crowd.

There is a difference between being lonely and being a solitary person I think. I'm definitely the latter. I find people can be extremely tiring as I'm not always in the mood for small talk and I need to retreat to my cave to recharge my batteries. I'm definitely not lonely.

Like you OP, I have my cat, my home, my hobbies and I can keep myself happily occupied for a long time. However, I do enjoy the company of others too. I have my DD and a few close friends I like to spend time with.

I have a friend who cannot stand her own company and any hobby/ interest she has must involve other people and she is constantly emailing and texting asking to meet to do this and that. Frankly, and I feel guilty for it but, I pity her and sometimes find her a bit of a burden.

I have a friend like that. She would rather spend time with people she doesn't like than be on her own.

I am an introvert and whilst I enjoy spending time with others I need to be alone more of the time. I find it very difficult to live with someone else no matter how lovely they are and I prefer to travel alone.

ljonski

title edited- thanks SP