Are we overreacting?

alice_kate_2

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74jax

I think it's fine. Initially they may have only known each other through your oh butnow they are friends in their own right without your oh.

If you want to go with them then ask them just as they did with you.

If you don't want to go then don't say anything.

The more they have done together may have made them realise they have lid in common, they don't need your oh to be there for them to be comfortable together if that makes sense.

mountainofdebt

I find holidays with friends can be hard work

sweetilemon

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I find holidays with friends can be hard work

I agree, probably a lucky escape. I dont do well going on holiday with friends, some have totally different ideas. Sounds like a drama I just couldnt be bothered putting the energy into. At least you have your OH and thats the best friendship.

SuzieSue

Why are you even trying to be friends with people who would rather just spend time with each other? Friendships develop and change over time and people grow apart. You need to find some new friends.

It might well be the wives causing the problems but they will be around for a while so there is nothing you can do about it.

Torndao01

I dont think your OH is overreacting, I am going though the same thing with two close friends. I introducted them and now they do many things without me, and yes I'm an adult but I can't help the way it makes me feel. It feels just like school, I can't help feeling left out and wondering why all of a sudden I'm not included, what's wrong with me all of a sudden:(

You can't help how its making you and your OH feel and I wish I could tell you how to deal with it. One is to ignore it, but it will probably continue to upset you both. Or you can tell them politly how it is making you feel, but I did this and the truth is, they both said it was in my mind and that they never intended to upset me. (even though one said she was embassed about showing their photos of one of the nights out because they hadn't invited me, why would you feel like that if you thought leaving me out was nothing). But the second one of telling them, hasn't helped and now its just uncomfortable when we all get together.

I do think it happens more than people like to admit with groups of friends. Most adults don't like to say out loud, why don't you like handing around with me anymore, why do you like Fred more that me. It does happen and its making you feel bad which is a normal reaction I would say.

Im sorry that I don't have the answer to your problem I just wanted you to know that feeling crap about situation is understandable and that your not the only people feeling crap about adult friendships.

Lily-Rose_3

Hi Alice_Kate.

It doesn't matter how old we get, we are always going to have feelings, and get upset if we feel our friends have sh@t on us. It's not childish or petty, not if it's upsetting us! I am 50 and get as hurt and upset by the way some people behave as my 19 year old daughter does. And my 69 year old friend and neighbour says she feels the same. We are never too old to be upset, or hurt, or afraid...

If I were your hubby, I would flat out ask them. 'Hey guys, I just wondered if I'd offended you. I was surprised to find that you'd both gone and booked a break together, and didn't mention it to me - or ask me - and that was after cancelling on me too. Is everything OK?'

I imagine them saying something like 'oooh, we didn't think you'd mind. We didn't want to come on hols with you sorry, so we just booked our own.'

Then hubby should say 'well next time, shall we all go away together, or do something quite big together? So if any of us thinks of something, then we can talk to the others about it, and take it from there?'

Then they will say 'yeah sure...' and smile.

If they do come back at a later date and ask hubby along to whatever, and wherever, you will know it was not a snub, but if they don't ask him to anything again, and they do stuff and go places without him, then he will have to take the hint. They no longer want to be his friend.

But he does need to talk to them.

As I don't know any of you, at this point, I can't read into what they're thinking.

Good luck. xxx

SuzieSue

Torndao01 wrote: »

It feels just like school, I can't help feeling left out and wondering why all of a sudden I'm not included, what's wrong with me all of a sudden:(

.

But why do you think that there is something wrong with you? If they prefer each other's company rather than yours, then that is their problem not yours.


People grow apart (which is why there are now so many divorces of people in their 50s and 60s). You need to find new friends who are more like you.


It might well have been that one of your friends had introduced you to the other and you hit it off better with the new friend than with your old one. Would you really feel that you had to include the old one in your nights out if you didn't want to?

74jax

Torndao01 wrote: »

I dont think your OH is overreacting, I am going though the same thing with two close friends. I introducted them and now they do many things without me, and yes I'm an adult but I can't help the way it makes me feel. It feels just like school, I can't help feeling left out and wondering why all of a sudden I'm not included, what's wrong with me all of a sudden:(
.

Some people always do things as a group, sometimes just as a couple or a few. You say you introduced them, so after introducing them are you saying every time you met one the other was always there? Would you never just meet one for a catch up with out the other, which is what they are doing.

I have a group of four friends, who all know each other through me, if two of them meet up without me, I really don't think anything about it, just as if I was to meet up with one I wouldn't feel I had to invite the other.

I don't think it's like school, or anything is wrong with me, they just don't want to invite me the same as I don't always invite everyone.

Tbh I don't even thinks it's a mental decision to exclude anyone, more ooo I wonder if X is free.....

Hermia

SuzieSue wrote: »

But why do you think that there is something wrong with you? If they prefer each other's company rather than yours, then that is their problem not yours.

I agree. I think it's often the case that there is no ill-feeling towards the excluded person at all. I find the problem with always doing things as a group is it can end up kind of bland because you have to choose activities that everyone enjoys and have conversations that everyone can join in with and even choose a 'safe' restaurant that doesn't scare anyone! Sometimes individuals in the group who are on the same wavelength are going to want to get together.

If it is the wives that have caused this problem then it may be time to expand your social circle as they are presumably not going anywhere.