Will preperation has raised a question...

BobQ

RAS wrote: »

My understanding is that the ex refuses to let the OP know his address and that his parents refuse to visit the child and insist that she has to vist them, contrary to her wishes. Therefore communication is limited.

Is that stated anywhere?

troubleinparadise

RAS is referring to information given by OP in a previous thread...

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Yup - no contact with ex at all any more.

His parents did insist on me taking DD to see them, however there was conversations after that post RAS and in the end DD never went. They still havent seen DD. They did contact me in May to tell me i "had" to go and pick up the christmas presents (i havent becuse i dont go near their house and 2 days before texting me about them, they were actually 5 minutes away from my house at a klocal tourist attraction - why couldnt they have asked to drop them off / see DD)

It's DD's birthday in 3 weeks, im not holding my breath......

I did call a solicitor to book an appointment... still waiting on a call back!

TBagpuss

Because he has PR you cannot 100% exclude the possibility, but you can take steps to ensure that your parents (or whoever else you pick) is in a strong position to resist a move and to protect your daughter.
1) make sure that you appoint executors and trustees for your daughter. Tey will be responsible for looking after any money you leave for your daughter and using it in her best interests. They don't have to be the same people as you want your daughter to live with, but they could be. This can help you to ensure that there is little financial incentive for your ex to want his daughter living with him.

2) in the will, name a guardian for your daughter. This won't be effective while your ex is still alive, as he has PR, but it is a way of showing your preferences.

3) set out in a letter to be held with your will, and updated regularly, details of where you would want your daughter to live, and why. Make sure that the people you would want her to live with have a copy of the letter or know where to find it. The letter is not binding but it would be evidence which a court would take into account, in the event that your preferred carer had to make an application for a court order about where your daughter should live.

The letter should be as objective as possible and should set out the facts, e.g. the level of contact (or not) she has had with her father, the relationship she has with the people you are nominating, any other advantages such as being able to remain at the same school / in the same town etc.

In the event that you found yourself terminally ill (hopefully you won't!) you could also at that time look encouraging your chosen guardian to apply for an order while you were still alive, in which case you could support them in person.

jackyann

Simply having Parental Responsibility doesn't mean that a child would automatically be sent to that parent in a situation like this (that is the stuff of sit-coms & American films)
However, that is why it is a good idea to get your reasons stated clearly as Bagpuss points out.
Should he decide to turn up, the courts may well allow him (and maybe his parents) to re-establish contact; and he would have a say in very major decisions, in the event, for instance of your parents deciding to take your daughter to live permanently abroad; but he would not be allowed just to take her to live with him. She is already of an age to express her opinion, and that will be taken into account.
All of this is in case of sudden death. As Bagpuss says, in the event of a terminal illness, there is time to make other arrangements; and I have known this happen.
Mimi - I do think that you are very sensible to be thinking like this. In the worst case, your daughter will have the comfort of knowing that you thought so carefully about her future. But let us hope that none of it is necessary, and you continue to enjoy many, many years together!