Can anyone offer me a strategy?

Sagaris

WhyWasISoStupid wrote: »

Thanks for that post PB - your former scenario sounds very similar. How did you approach that conversation with your partner? I met a girl a few weeks ago that I really like, but I feel like I'm living a lie with her. She sees someone with a nice job, nice BMW (company car), similar to herself. The fact that it's all an illusion on my part makes me physically sick, and the thought of her confiding in her friends - "He's just told me he that he's £34K in debt.. what should I do?".


I've even thought about telling people upfront ie. when I first meet them, for example: "Hi, my name's xxxxx. Would you like a drink? By the way, the car's not mine and I'm £34K in debt..." Tempting...

This is what happened with my partner - when we eventually got together (another long story!) I know there was something lurking in the background but didn't push the issue. Then one day I said I knew there was something bothering him and we would be discussing it that evening. To cut a long and quite upsetting story short, I found out he had debts and wasn't managing them at all, and the bank concerned were hounding him relentlessly. I went on a bit of a crusade, never having dealt with this before, got things sorted with the CCCS on his behalf, and as a result of this I've had my LBM in April (why didn't I do it sooner!) and am now paying everything off as quickly as I can. I didn't feel the need to mention it to all my mates either - although I'm sure some of them wondered how I'd got knowledge of debt management and how to deal with it and was able to advise some of them when they came to me with their money problems!
End result - he had already moved in with me when I found all this out, and wasn't about to chuck him out! We are now planning to get married (finances permitting!)
So - go out there - live your life (as economically as possible!) and the right lady is out there for you somewhere! Hope you end up with someone as nice as I have.

WhyWasISoStupid

chevalier wrote: »

Are you worried about stopping spending because of what others might think? If so then you need to have some ready excuses, like (if you rent) you are saving for a deposit, or something. That way you look like you are being financially savvy.

Thanks, and I thought I was being original in using this excuse!! Problem is that I've been using it for too long though, which enhances people's perception that I must be really loaded!

CharliesAngel

And when you've transferred to 0% cards, please cut them up and don't think about spending on them!!! look where that got me...... doh!

Silverstar

So many people have debts nowadays, and you wouldn't realise because they're doing exactly what you're doing and hiding it. Until I faced up to my own debts, I assumed all my friends and colleagues were so much better at handling their finances than I was, but since becoming so keen on saving money, and therefore actually speaking to people about it, I've discovered that most of the people I know are in the same situation as me!

Probably, a lot of the people that you are spending to try to keep up with are in exactly the same situation, and have just as many debts as you do, so I honestly wouldn't worry or care too much about other people's views.

With regards to relationships, if a girl is only with you because she thinks you have a nice car and earn a lot, then she's probably not worth it anyway. Anyone who is worth it would be sympathetic and try to help you out.

My two pence, anyhow. Good luck

pinkthinks

Hi WWISS

Have been reading your thread with interest (the non-charging kind, of course ).

Can only echo what everyone else has said, I started on here at the beginning of this year, and the snowball calculator was initially terrifying, but now is the light at the end of the tunnel. Hell - I'm that anal about it I print the bl*ody thing, stick it on my notice board & tick off the payments as the months pass. Print, tick, revise, print, tick, revise. I need to get out more....

Oh, and thanks for RAS for the post that made me chuckle. He's quite right, you know. You think your finances are bad, Mrs Right's probs in a similar situation.

And carry on posting, you've seen that there are tons of us all in the same boat - I'll row, you steer!!

belfastgirl23

I can't help on the other stuff I'm afraid but on maybe Miss Right issue...

I don't think you need to mention your money situation at first. But after a little while it will probably come up naturally (as in when you can't afford to do something) in which case I think it's worth preparing some ground by telling her you can't afford it because you're dealing with some financial stuff and trying to clear some debts. If you not being minted is a problem then she isn't miss right. And personally if I were miss right, I wouldn't feel the debt in itself was a problem, more so how you were handling it. If you've had your LBM and are facing up to your responsiblities this is actually pretty attractive!

Good luck!

baldbloke_2

WhyWasISoStupid wrote: »

Many thanks to everyone who has replied so far, wasn't expecting much of a take-up on this one. Here goes with the SOA:

Monthly Incomings:

My salary - £2,000 (between £1900 and £2600 dependent upon bonus)

Total (take home)- £2,000

Monthly Outgoings:

Mortgage/Rent - £250
Council Tax - £50
Gas - £12
Electric - £13.50
Food - £200
Private Petrol - £50
Gym - £32
Clothing - £50
Cigarettes - £100

Total: £757.50

Egg CC – Balance £5,812 (limit £6,000) APR 15.9%
Barclaycard - Balance £5,200 (limit £5,250) APR 14.9%
MBNA CC – Balance £5,400 (limit £5,500) APR 15.9%
Halifax CC - Balance £3,400 (limit £4,500) APR 15.9%

Egg Loan – Balance £7938, monthly payment £224 APR 6.9% Length of term 72 months, 37 months to go
Northern Rock Loan - Balance £5689, monthly payment £162 £APR 10.9% Length of term 36 months, 35 months to go
Overdraft - £0 (limit £2,000) APR varies%

Total: £746.00

And I spank the remainder on "liquid relief" from reality ie. getting completely wasted, which works for about 3-4 hours a week. Unfortunately this mindset got me into this mess, and I'm determined to find a way out before it's too late. I enjoy my job, and just want to be able to enjoy the other parts of my life.

Can I also add that I have no intention on 'defaulting' on any of my payments, I have always made repayments a priority and will honour whatever I have borrowed. I'm just lost at where to start here, and can't ignore it any longer.

I notice that the most recent loan was taken out with Northern Rock only one month ago for about £6000. Do you still have this large sum and if so could you not use it to repay a portion of your debt and clear one and maybe more of your expensive credit card debts?

Obviously I don't know why you felt it was necessary to borrow again - if you were meeting your obligations and living comfortably enough on the balance then you must have another quite separate reason for having borrowed such a large sum.

If you have a number of expensive household or personal items which you have bought through borrowing then I would agree with others on here that it would make good sense to realize their resale value however hard that might seem to bear. If the time feels right to address this serious problem then you need to consider a fairly dramatic gesture such as this to make you feel as though you have started on the road to recovery.

To be honest with you I believe that with a balance of income over needs of about £1500 a month you are very lucky and can approach this serious problem with considerable confidence for the future.

Best Wishes.

p00pieb0tt0m

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I can't help on the other stuff I'm afraid but on maybe Miss Right issue...

I don't think you need to mention your money situation at first. But after a little while it will probably come up naturally (as in when you can't afford to do something) in which case I think it's worth preparing some ground by telling her you can't afford it because you're dealing with some financial stuff and trying to clear some debts. If you not being minted is a problem then she isn't miss right. And personally if I were miss right, I wouldn't feel the debt in itself was a problem, more so how you were handling it. If you've had your LBM and are facing up to your responsiblities this is actually pretty attractive!

Good luck!

This is it. This is what happened to me.

WhyWasISoStupid

posted twice, see next post

WhyWasISoStupid

In response to the many posts that i've had-

Poodlehorse: The food is definitely something I am now concious of, I just find it difficult to budget and plan my meals, as I'm rarely able to predict where I'm going to be, and what time I'll get home at so healthy ready meals etc are always the easy option (and often more expensive). I've tried before shopping once a week to a budget, and end up throwing away food.

RAS / CharliesAngel: The card swapping option still scares me, as that's how I managed to load up 4 cards. And as I've said before, I'm paranoid that I'll get refused if I apply for any more credit.

Baldbloke: The loan was for £5k, i used it to clear my overdraft (£2k) buy the laptop that i'm currently on (£500, and I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that, and I also edit a website), and i have £1.5K remaining in my current account which is pleasing my bank. I intended to pay off part of a card with it, but haven't got around to that yet. Once again, it's pyschological but I at the moment I have access to sufficient, immediate funds to keep me going for a while which I know is only short term relief, and isn't helping the underlying problem.

Welshgirl, Hypno06, RAS, Chevalier, Silverstar, Pinkthinks and Belfastgirl: Thanks for your thoughts on the partner situation, the common feeling here seems to be that I need to get in control of this ASAP to at least be able to prove that I'm dealing with it. I forget who said it, but to able to say to someone "Look, I f!!ked up, but I've got it sorted and will be free within 3 years without any damage to my credit rating". Thankyou, I like the sound of that.

And in response to the boozing questions: I only drink at weekends, I guess they call it binge drinking. I never drink at home or during the week. I also play football 3 times a week (£5 a time subs, missed it from my SOA...)

Thanks again guys.