How would this be split or how should it be split?

tinkerbell28

I agree with FBABY. In a way, I'm hoping op is a lot younger, it reads as if she is.

OFC the biggest victims here are the wife and children, but if she is young and a bit naive, ops a victim too.

I mean it's obvious what's going to happen here isn't it?

He's the type of guy who will walk out on a marriage and young kids, cheering whilst his wife is pregnant.

Rather than seeing the character floor here. A young? And naive mistress gives him the ultimatum as a happily ever after.

Not only is he happy to walk, he is then happy to bum around when he's left a marriage and kids behind and now has another! When he needs to be working the most.

It's ok though, as he's going to see his wife and kids kicked out on the streets and get his equity.

Problem is with that, is a court will rarely force a sale with young children and even if they did, most of it, if not all of the equity after debts are settled will go to her. Considering it's not massive amounts and she clearly won't be getting maintenance.

So it's not going to be the easy walk in the park everyone hoped, not as simple as binning the wife and kids out and running off into the sunset with assets from their marriage, is it op?

Then this is the bad bit. OFC it's all her fault *yawn* she took all the debt out in his name. He's shown no impulsive and immature character traits has he? At all *sigh*.

Either way, he's got bagfuls of debt which would even if settled on a house sale, his credit is now trashed....so here is what will happen.

Every bill, line of credit will end up having to be in ops name. "Oh I can't my evil wife ruined my credit file remember".

So op then ends up liable for everything and he can just pack up, and ship out whenever he sees fit. Leaving behind debt, a baby, and carnage in his wake. If he can do it once and all.

My biggest advice to you op, is one day you WILL wake up with a nasty shock. DO NOT go out getting massive amounts of debts in your name to build "your home together". Loans/cards and what not.

Or if you end up with any significant sum to put into a house, don't marry him.

happycomper22

I agree with FBaby and Tinkerbell, I do feel sorry for OP, cant believe I have an ounce of sympathy for the "other woman" but in this case I do. OP sounds daft as to be involved with this man. and as 19Lottie82 has said do yourself a favour and stay as financially away from this man as you can!


Just read part of the other thread do YOU REALLY BELIEVE that the ex really racked up the whole 20k debt in his name? You seriously sound naïve if not deluded. not saying that cant happen but really with his track record of lies to the ex wife and to you I wouldn't trust a word he said.


I would concentrate on your new baby and leave this looser alone after all his divorce really has nothing to do with you anyway.

FBaby

I agree with FBABY. In a way, I'm hoping op is a lot younger, it reads as if she is.

She is, she says in one of her thread that she is under 25.

19lottie82

I have a feeling she is 22-23 from her previous threads

duchy

I'd have put her at a lot younger.
Surely it's teenagers who believe a man can walk away from a family without having to continue to support them and think it's OK to go onto ESA to avoid paying child support. Real women don't.
Girls believe a man who claims his wife forced him to get into debt (and that they don't sleep with their wives despite evidence like a new born to the contrary). Women want a man not a boy .

OP when things get tough your ultimatum will come back to bite you on the bum as he will blame you for the anger his wife has ....and the consequences of that anger. Just like the debt was "all her fault" so because you issued an ultimatum problems caused by anger from the split will be yours according to him.
You need to grow up fast and to keep his mess separate from your life with him and the life of your child. Whatever you do don't get into any debt in your name or joint names that you couldn't afford if he leaves. He has shown he is capable of deserting a woman and his children once for a newer model....so there is always the possibility hell do it again.

Tigsteroonie

:mad:

OP, get yourself onto Wikivorce. You'll get the answers without having to wade through the opinion.

tinkerbell28

Ahh that explains it then.

Wanting to get involved in the divorce when it's not her business. Then dreaming of being able to kick the wife and kids out and set up house with the equity from someone else marriage. Is neither a realistic dream (it won't happen op) nor is it a grown up vision. It's a selfish, youthful one. I imagined op as early 20's. I'm only a decade older but you don't half learn a lot in those 10 years!

One day op, in the next few years as your outlook on life starts to change and it will. You'll see him for the bum he is and how awfully he has behaved. If indeed he hasn't already done the same to you. Everything from the affair, to leaving his wife, stopping work. Wanting his wife and kids out on the street for some coin. Shows an inherently selfish character. He won't be changing anytime.

So my advice to you stands. Stay well away from any financial link. Be well aware of he does the same to you. You have no protection of marriage or a marital asset. He's got nothing now.

So if all the bills are in your name, debt building up your life together etc. Make sure you can afford to pay it yourself and don't be racking up huge amounts, where you are reliant on him.

Person_one

19lottie82 wrote: »

I have a feeling she is 22-23 from her previous threads

I'd just like to stick up for young women, it's not the norm for them to think it's ok to behave this way! This is an example of selfishness and a lack of morals, not youth. Older women do this too.

(Not aimed at you lottie, yours is just the easiest to quote)

maman

Person_one wrote: »

I'd just like to stick up for young women, it's not the norm for them to think it's ok to behave this way! This is an example of selfishness and a lack of morals, not youth. Older women do this too.

(Not aimed at you lottie, yours is just the easiest to quote)

I think this is more about immaturity than youth as such.


This young woman has IMO behaved in a very foolhardy manner in staying involved with a guy after she found out he was married and then having a child with him. So she's not just risking her own stability and finances but that of a child as well.


So she's been incredibly naïve and then makes it worse by staying with him, moving to his town, working very sporadically, having a child etc etc.


But you're right it's not only young people who behave foolishly. I suppose it just makes it easier to understand if they lack experience of life.

LilElvis

I think we should leave the OP alone now. She has received the advice she asked for with regard to her partner completing the forms and been told that he is unlikely to receive any of the money from the property he owns with his wife, that he may have to stay on the mortgage and may well be liable for the debts accrued during the marriage. She may well be blinkered with regard to her partner's behaviour but she has only recently given birth and is probably quite fragile at the moment. We can only hope that her partner acts like a man and starts providing for all three of his children, both financially and emotionally.