Advice pls, messed up big time

MadelinesMum

Hi all, I had been happily living with my partner of 20 odd years with four children. We bought our first house with a joint mortgage. A couple of years later I received a house as a gift from my parents on the understanding it was for the children (nothing in writing though). OH decided to let the other house as it was in negative equity (purchased in 2007).

As OH had maxed about 5 credit cards to the tune of £25k, he thought it a good idea to remortgage the new house. As I owned it and had no income they only way to do this was to put OH name on the deeds.

I'm assuming you can now guess what happened. Within a year he had maxed cards again (another £25k), we then started a DMP, I owed £7k so I added my debt to it as a joint DMP. Then he decided he doesn't love me anymore and has moved out. I am now paying the remortgage on the new house.

I am now planning on selling the house but obviously, it's not just mine anymore. He is saying he wants money from the sale of the house.

Am I being greedy and blinkered at not wanting to give him any / much money? He still has the income from the other property which is let, I gave him £20k from the remortgage and I am paying the remortgage. I know it is difficult for me to look at it from both sides, so I am asking your advice.

BrassicWoman

I think it depends what the credit card money went on. Luxury holidays for all the family? He has a point.

marisco_2

MadelinesMum wrote: »

I know it is difficult for me to look at it from both sides, so I am asking your advice.

Try to get a free half hour consultation with a solicitor. Explain the full circumstances to them and they will advise you on exactly where you stand. Then you can approach conversations with your ex from an informed position.

Any wrangling or trying to play hard ball on either side will only result in both of you losing out financially. The only ones that gain from couples who cant agree how to split assets are the solicitors.

MadelinesMum

BrassicWoman wrote: »

I think it depends what the credit card money went on. Luxury holidays for all the family? He has a point.

I had my own credit card which I used for my purchases. I also forked out for a new engine for his car, other repairs and a second hand car. I dread to think what he spent the money on as we have no luxurious things to show for it.

Free_Spirit_31

I hope this does not come across as rude or intrusive...

What do the children's grandparents think of you selling the house, the kids inheritance.

BitterAndTwisted

He's already had forty five grand's worth of equity out of your house! (£25k in debts and £20k in cash when remortgaged). How much more does he think he deserves?

Don't sell it, by the sound of things he's not in a position to force a sale by legal means, not while he's on a DMP. Where is he going to get the money from for that? It would cost him a fortune that he hasn't got. So you and the kids stay in the property if you possibly can. Even if that means paying the mortgage on your own. Unless the mortgage is absolutely massive it's likely to be cheaper than renting. Never mind how difficult it will be to find a landlord willing to offer you a tenancy when you're on a joint DMP yourself.

Now that he's moved out how much is he planning on paying you in child support for your four kids?

MadelinesMum

Free_Spirit_31 wrote: »

I hope this does not come across as rude or intrusive...

What do the children's grandparents think of you selling the house, the kids inheritance.

They suggested it. The bungalow I am looking at is two doors from them. So there is no problem there.

MadelinesMum

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

He's already had forty five grand's worth of equity out of your house! (£25k in debts and £20k in cash when remortgaged). How much more does he think he deserves?

Don't sell it, by the sound of things he's not in a position to force a sale by legal means, not while he's on a DMP. Where is he going to get the money from for that? It would cost him a fortune that he hasn't got. So you and the kids stay in the property if you possibly can. Even if that means paying the mortgage on your own. Unless the mortgage is absolutely massive it's likely to be cheaper than renting. Never mind how difficult it will be to find a landlord willing to offer you a tenancy when you're on a joint DMP yourself.

Now that he's moved out how much is he planning on paying you in child support for your four kids?

This is my thinking about it also. I think I have given him enough but I stupidly put myself in this predicament by putting him on the deeds. I didn't dream in a million years he would leave me especially having four children together.

He was giving me money weekly but that has dwindled a bit over the past month or so.

sassyblue

How about deducting the £50k he cost you from the sale proceeds, your £7k and all selling fees - then halving the rest?

He's got a nerve but his name is on the deeds :-(

MadelinesMum

sassyblue wrote: »

How about deducting the £50k he cost you from the sale proceeds, your £7k and all selling fees - then halving the rest?

He's got a nerve but his name is on the deeds :-(

That would be a heck of amount of money to give him!

BitterAndTwisted

Are you saying that the bungalow two doors down from your parents can be bought outright for cash out of your share of the equity? Tell him you'll keep the house until and unless he forces a sale via the courts, and you'll be wanting a decent amount every month in child support in the meantime.

He's a bloodsucking parasite, and an irresponsible moron for getting you both into such a dire financial state. You and your family's home is not an easy escape-route out of debt for him.