Maintainence

FBaby

My brother's partner had a similar situation to yours. The daughter (now in her 20s) runs around in cricles trying to please her Dad, and then on regular occasions treats her mum like crap.

I have to agree with you when the father is still around emotionally and the children have got used to the victimised emotional stories they can play with. My kids went through a phase they were very defensive of their father, with a lot of 'poor daddy' being thrown into it. They are now a bit older and understand the implication it has on me having to pay for everything because their father doesn't provide a penny towards them (not even when they are with him, except for spoiling them at Christmas) but still believe his stories as to why he is struggling financially. I suppose it is the best outcome as I wouldn't want them to think badly of him all together just because of him failing them financially, but I'm glad they appreciate the impact it has on my finances.

I think it is very different when the nrp is failing financially AND emotionally.

Amara

FBaby wrote: »

In France, a nrp who gives up his job to look after new children would be ordered to continue to pay maintenance, most likely at the same level than he used to. If he and new wife decide that she is the one going to work because it is more economical for them to do so, it would be expected that they would have considered the cost of the maintenance in their new budget.

In Poland , if NRP doesn't pay, grandparents and sometimes siblings can be asked instead. NRP can loose driving license too. Some reluctant parents find it very motivating.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

He hasnt seen her regulary for around 4 years now. Yes i used to cover for him and say he was working alot - The alternative was to tell her the truth, that he simply isnt interested in saeeing her. Would / Could you tell your child that who is already upset? I couldnt. I chose to cover, but when ask outright ive never lied to her (As in - the day she turned round and said "he doesnt really work all the time does he?" to which i said that i didnt know what days he worked but no, he couldnt work ALL the time)

I dont think she will be bothered in pleasing him, she's quite strong headed and quite clued up at times. She knows i put money away for her (savings) and that I "pay santa" for her presents. Obviously now he isnt paying maintainence i will have to drop the savings - I'll still put some away but not as much as i have been doing which is annoying me. I had planned on a figure to give her the chance to fund uni, or buy a car, or travel - or do whatever she wanted to do with it.Thats not going to be an achieveable figure now. Oh well, at lest she has some i guess.

Last year was the first christmas he didnt actually get her anything, not even a card. He texted me to say he was coming over with stuff but i wasnt available that day, I asked him to drop them off at a family members or come another day - never heard from him since. He posted on FB the other month that they went to a local tourist attraction so he had driven past ours and not bothered dropping in.

Yes - i do check his FB, BUT i do it to save pictures of DD's siblings so when shes ready, she can see them and be "included" in that family. They're her family still after all and they probably wont have any idea whats happeing.Thats if they will even know about DD....

And i dont blame the wife (well, not for everything) - She's only listening to her husband after all, He's the one who is ultimatley in the wrong. I just wished she pushed him to see our DD, but she doesnt/wont. It amused me that she did say he wasnt allowed to come to see DD at my house in case i wanted him back :rotfl: boy does she think she has a catch there! That said, I hope she doesnt have to go through what ive done - watching your kids grow up with out their dad being involved and that child knowing that ultimatley, your dad doesnt want you. Because at the end of the day, thats how DD probably thinks.. or that ts "her" when its not.

I guess i'll have to wait and see - he hasnt handed in any papers yet to the CSA so for now, the payments will continue not that im going to rely on them!)

Never know - he may end up getting fed up being a stay at home dad and go back to work! Past and present experiences proves he isnt cut out for the father malarky

marisco_2

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

I just wished she pushed him to see our DD, but she doesnt/wont.

Love for, interest in and commitment to a child is either there within someone or it is not. No other person can push someone to have those feelings, or to want to have active and positive involvement with their daughter.