Alcoholic 'Family' Member

Kayalana99

I really don't deserve any sympathy, my main concern is my half sister who is 13 and it's her Dad. I guess I ask more out of care for her as I can't stand him.. but that is a very long drawn out story..

He is living with my Mum atm so he is under 'supervision' it's a shame their are two young children in the middle.

I guess their isn't much else to do then really, my Mum has already got the food thing down always having it readily available.

HappyMJ

You can call social services....but is that something you really want to do as your sister will be taken from your mother. Your mother is failing to prevent the drinking so is partially responsible so social services will see it that way and seriously think about removing the children if they think that is the best option....especially if he is abusive when drunk or very much so if violent.

Anyway, if he's not abusive or violent and you don't really like him then let him drink himself to death. It's not your worry.

picklekin

The best thing you can do is to support those affected by them, Al-Anon are great. My mother is an alcoholic and refuses to help herself unless it results in a good sitcom moment for her, which quickly passes once the hard work kicks in.

You can't really rely on mental health services, we had my mother sectioned once (as she kept ODing as the booze made her so miserable/dramatic) but they kept her in for a week and then just let her loose again, she had a few follow up appointments but since my mother "asked them not to come again" they didn't.

Unless they want help, you really can't do anything sadly.

danih

If it suits for your sister to stay with you occasionally - maybe come over for her dinner, or have the odd overnight stay that would be great for her, and one less thing for your mum to worry about for a few hours.

Just in case your mum needs it I have below details for women's aid. They can provide advice and / or alternative accommodation, if necessary for your mum and sister together.
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
0808 2000 247 - Free phone 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline

Al - Anon will provide support to friends and family of alcoholics - even if the alcoholic is not ready for support. Their website is
http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Morglin

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I was just wondering if someone is drinking themselves to death, is their any help out their considering they don't want help?

It's at the point now where they aren't eating more then a yoghurt / bit of fruit a day, pain constantly 'turning yellow' so to speak...

But they don't want any help ... won't go to the doctors etc....

?

Sounds like liver, and sooner or later, they will collapse.

If they won't seek help, then you will have to wait until that happens.

Sad, but true.

Lin

fivetide

HappyMJ wrote: »

Your mother is failing to prevent the drinking so is partially responsible .

I think that's a bit harsh. Whilst it is true that the half sister might be removed from the house to blame the issues of a hardened drinker on the OP's mum is a bit tough.

I should suspect she is going through hell with it as it is seeing a person they love take themselves apart like this but beyond barricading them in a room and effectively keeping them prisoner there is little she can do to prevent this.

As everyone has said, the only person that can stop it is the person doing the boozing.

growler834

HappyMJ wrote: »

Your mother is failing to prevent the drinking so is partially responsible so social services will see it that way and seriously think about removing the children if they think that is the best option....especially if he is abusive when drunk or very much so if violent.

No one can prevent another person from drinking (or taking drugs) if they are an addict. The OP's mother may have tried, and failed, to do just that, as have all those who live with an alcoholic (been there, done that & bear the scars). To suggest that Social Services should become involved because the mum is "partially responsible" is very naive & unhelpful. The OP's mum may be trying to keep the family together under very trying circumstances.

As others suggest, Al-Anon will give the best advice to family members. The OP should give as much support to mum as possible so that mum can make informed decisions as to what is best for the family. The alcoholic won't ask for help if he doesn't want it so concentrate on getting help for mum & your family instead.

Kayalana99

He isn't a danger , in fact he is nicer when drunk then he is sober.. but obv no it isn't good for the children to be around it. Tbh I think he just sits on the sofa all day watching tele drinking as my sister doesn't know anything that is going off, she told me that she just stays out of it and doesn't go near him so I am guessing they spend a lot of time in their rooms.

I will have to suggest about them coming round more, I never go round to theirs as it's just to awkward and I don't like my kids near him (even before the alcohol problems.)

*I say anything she knows of the drinking but just stays away from him

marisco_2

HappyMJ wrote: »

Your mother is failing to prevent the drinking so is partially responsible

I disagree with this statement. An alcoholics relationship with booze is all encompassing. They are rendered unable to recognise the damage they are causing to themselves and those around them. My step dad drank himself to an early death. No amount of love, support, understanding, or desire to help him made any difference. He didn't wish to help himself. That is heart breaking and leaves people feeling helpless.

azzabazza

marisco wrote: »

I disagree with this statement. An alcoholics relationship with booze is all encompassing. They are rendered unable to recognise the damage they are causing to themselves and those around them. My step dad drank himself to an early death. No amount of love, support, understanding, or desire to help him made any difference. He didn't wish to help himself. That is heart breaking and leaves people feeling helpless.

Exactly this. This was certainly the case with my nephew. It was unbelievable the tricks he would play to get his hands on alcohol. And his hiding places .... well that was another story!

After 20 years an alcoholic he has been 'dry' for 5 months. As a family we can only hope and pray he continues. It's like walking on egg shells.