How do I protect my kids & maintain contact?

Seanymph

I too witheld contact - I said he could see them at mine, take them out, be at his mums, anywhere but his house.

He ignored them for a while, then dropped into line, but at that point I didn't care either way really. the situation at his house was toxic and my kids weren't going there.

I figured if it got to court I'd be able to explain why and anyone with an ounce of education and no drug dependency would agree with me.

You have to do what is right for your children, no one else is, and certainly not their father in this instance.

Protect them, they need you.

24skins

Floxxie wrote: »

Has he actually asked for contact? How old are your children?

I withheld contact for my children's protection: when eventually he took me to court, the court agreed. I didn't need to produce any details of my concerns - the fact that he hadn't seen the children in 6 months was enough (my children are 13, 8 and 5).

He has asked by text, but won't agree to anything other than unsupervised overnight contact which I'm just not willing to risk. My youngest is 14 (with severe learning disabilities) and eldest nearly 17, so access orders don't apply to her. Im so glad to hear court agreed with you, everything I'm hearing seems to suggest that the court gives access whatever the circumstances so I'm glad to hear that that's not always the case. I discussed the situation with my son's social worker & she and her line manager both agreed that he shouldn't have unsupervised contact, so I hope the court would take that into consideration.

Seanymph wrote: »

I too witheld contact - I said he could see them at mine, take them out, be at his mums, anywhere but his house.

He ignored them for a while, then dropped into line, but at that point I didn't care either way really. the situation at his house was toxic and my kids weren't going there.

I figured if it got to court I'd be able to explain why and anyone with an ounce of education and no drug dependency would agree with me.

You have to do what is right for your children, no one else is, and certainly not their father in this instance.

Protect them, they need you.

Situation now is, he hasn't seen our son for two months, he has seen our daughter (her boyfriend lives in the flat opposite so it's impossible for her to completely avoid him), but she hasn't stayed in his house for 7 weeks, ex claims to have seen a solicitor but I've had no court order or solicitors letter so think he may have been lying, unless these things take several weeks (I have no experience of courts or solicitors).

He has been telling anyone who'll listen that I've stopped him seeing our kids because "he has a new girlfriend" but not mentioning the fact our daughter was a witness against her, a family friend stopped my daughter in the street and asked her what was going on in my head, then was incredulous when my daughter told him what she'd witnessed, I can't believe he's put her in that position - having to relive it - on top of everything else.

Mojisola

24skins wrote: »

a family friend stopped my daughter in the street and asked her what was going on in my head, then was incredulous when my daughter told him what she'd witnessed

I hope that person is being a true friend and passing on the truth to other people who have swallowed his side of the story up to now.

24skins

Mojisola wrote: »

I hope that person is being a true friend and passing on the truth to other people who have swallowed his side of the story up to now.

I hope so too, but have no idea if I'm honest, he sees my ex regularly & I do wonder what, if anything, has been said about it.

Seanymph

Don't wonder. He's not worth your time, and nor are people who are short sighted enough to believe him.

You need to only wonder about you, and what wonderful things you will achieve now you are shot of him, and your kids, and how to give them the best start in everything you can.

He can jog on.

Indifference to them is the best thing to serve exes. And once you can do that, you are free.

Ignore him, let him get on with it, he's lying about seeing a solicitor - he may try and bully you into giving in, but ultimately he won't risk the exposure of it all coming out in court.

Stick to your guns, do what's best for your kids and yourself - and let your ex and his unpleasant woman do whatever they wish as long as it doesn't affect your family.