How do I protect my kids & maintain contact?

24skins

I started a thread under an AE a couple of weeks back & it was deleted, presumably as the forum team thought it was so far fetched - basically my ex is in a relationship with a woman my daughter saw smash someone over the head with a pole some six years ago.

My daughter is old enough to decide what she wants to do & has decided not to stay at her dad's for the last few weeks, my son on the other hand has severe learning difficulties & I don't feel he's safe around this woman, so I've stopped contact - with the blessing of my son's social worker and her boss - for the last two weeks.

Dad has made no attempt to contact son via other means, he could have spoken to him on the phone for example, but has chosen not to. I can't withhold contact forever, so whats the answer? I am going to see a solicitor on Tuesday & ask for a Specific Issue Order to prevent this woman coming into contact with my son, but the more I look into it the more remote this possibility looks - it appears legally I have no say who my ex can have under his roof, regardless of how violent they may be, unless they're directly violent towards the children.

He's phoned me up & accused me of "putting it all in their heads" and being "spiteful" and "f***ing evil" and I know this is the spin he'll put on it for other people's benefit.

What do I do? What would you do? Would anyone allow their child back under his roof? Is contact so important it should be allowed when there's this kind of risk?

double_mummy

nope wouldnt let them stay with him

get a contact center sorted (get LOs social worker to make the referral) him with his kids no one else and that way you are not stopping contact with his children you are ensuring that it is appropriate contact

yes contact is always important which is why reducing the risk as much as possible is the way to go

double_mummy

PS do you really care what other people think?

let people think you are a whatever he is telling them what difference does their thoughts make to yours or your childrens lives xxxxxxx

Carl31

Why did the woman smash some one in the head with a pole? And is there any other examples of such behaviour?

24skins

Carl31 wrote: »

Why did the woman smash some one in the head with a pole? And is there any other examples of such behaviour?

I put the sorry tale up here & it was deleted, for anyone that didn't see;

My daughter was walking to her dad's place (broad daylight, 4pmish) & outside his front door were a male & female hitting a man on the ground with metal poles - my daughter turned and walked away, after she walked away the pair stabbed the man in the stomach. My daughter had to give a police statement due to the severity of the crime.

My ex is now dating the female defendant & thinks it doesn't matter as it "was ages ago".

24skins

double_mummy wrote: »

nope wouldnt let them stay with him

get a contact center sorted (get LOs social worker to make the referral) him with his kids no one else and that way you are not stopping contact with his children you are ensuring that it is appropriate contact

yes contact is always important which is why reducing the risk as much as possible is the way to go

I've enquired about a contact centre but Social Work have never had a case where a supervised contact has been granted after a period of unsupervised contact (we split up 9 years ago & he's had unsupervised contact since then).

Mojisola

24skins wrote: »

I've enquired about a contact centre but Social Work have never had a case where a supervised contact has been granted after a period of unsupervised contact (we split up 9 years ago & he's had unsupervised contact since then).

"We've never done it before" isn't a good enough reason not to do it now if circumstances have changed!

squirrelchops

Is there someone else you could or actually your ex could put forward to supervise contact?

double_mummy

have you discussed this at all with her police liason? it might be that they can have something that might help esepcially if she is still due to be a witness

24skins

squirrelchops wrote: »

Is there someone else you could or actually your ex could put forward to supervise contact?

I was considering that, only obvious candidate on my side is my mum & I'm not sure I want to put her in the firing line. I'd be happy with any member of his family, though I've been told this evening that his family largely aren't talking to him as he "borrowed" £1400 from his sister around Xmas & hasn't paid anything back.

double_mummy wrote: »

have you discussed this at all with her police liason? it might be that they can have something that might help esepcially if she is still due to be a witness

It happened six years ago so she has no involvement with police, I don't remember her having a liaison though she was spoken to by a specialist child police officer the day after giving her statement. She didn't have to witness & I've no idea what happened in court (though I know my ex has claimed to a friend that it was "thrown out", which to me seems highly unlikely).

Floxxie

Has he actually asked for contact? How old are your children?

I withheld contact for my children's protection: when eventually he took me to court, the court agreed. I didn't need to produce any details of my concerns - the fact that he hadn't seen the children in 6 months was enough (my children are 13, 8 and 5).