We're having a baby and need advice on joining finances

lidlest

This is coming from someone who has always just shared money with her partner, everything is ours- I know it's different as we have grown together from not having a pot to pee in to owning our house and car etc

I would rent out your flat, use the surplus rent over the mortgage to fund your maternity leave. Move out of London and buy a joint place using his savings as a deposit ( with protection for his deposit put in place should you split). All equity after that would be split 50/50 if you happened to break up, this would still put him in a better place than he is now with no house and his savings would still be 'his'.

All money coming into the house should then be pooled, bills and mortgage out ( don't forget transport costs) a little put aside for emergency funds and then split the rest 50/50.

You are having his child, this should be a joint endeavour. I earn nearly 3 times as much as my hubby and would never go ' this is my money', it is our money. To be fair all the bills come out of my account but then I just snaffle money from him when I want treats :-D and our budget is sorted on the proviso of shared responsibility.

What would happen if we split? Well he would get half the equity in the house, even though I've contributed more over the years but he has cleaned it lot more- I consider it back pay

houseimprover

barbiedoll wrote: »

Oh, thank goodness that someone said it!

I work in maternity services and I don't know where this phrase comes from (USA probably), but whenever I hear the words "We're pregnant", I just cringe. I literally have to force myself not to say "No, one of you is"

Sorry!

Just another way of sidelining the man isn't it, surely it's better for everything to be more inclusive?

houseimprover

Person_one wrote: »

I can't work out why you're being so careful not to tell us whether you're the mother or the father!

To prevent biased views, it's a good idea from the OP to be fair.

houseimprover

I would look at a prenup but the father getting onto the mortgage for the rest using their deposit and start afresh from there, thus protecting the mothers investment in their house so far but splitting everything from that point on.

justme111

To be fair they did not say "we are pregnant", they said "we are having a baby " which I think describes it in the context of a question posed . They did not say they were having a baby then made questions about labour which would be most to the woman to.decide on. Having a baby affects them both in the context of finances.
Op , people on here will give you some ideas. It may be good idea to get legal advice on certain aspects though as I suspect if you get married (or may be even if you just cohabit having a child) there would be a danger of all agreements been overridden by British law leaving non resident parent high and dry if things turn sour and resident parent decides nestling instinct overrides whatever they thought before.

Buzzybee90

justme111 wrote: »

To be fair they did not say "we are pregnant", they said "we are having a baby " which I think describes it in the context of a question posed . They did not say they were having a baby then made questions about labour which would be most to the woman to.decide on. Having a baby affects them both in the context of finances.
Op , people on here will give you some ideas. It may be good idea to get legal advice on certain aspects though as I suspect if you get married (or may be even if you just cohabit having a child) there would be a danger of all agreements been overridden by British law leaving non resident parent high and dry if things turn sour and resident parent decides nestling instinct overrides whatever they thought before.

They did, was edited

74jax

justme111 wrote: »

To be fair they did not say "we are pregnant", they said "we are having a baby " which I think describes it in the context of a question posed .

Yeah they did, you can see in post two, original post has been edited.

Person_one

houseimprover wrote: »

Just another way of sidelining the man isn't it, surely it's better for everything to be more inclusive?

I'll go along with that the day couples start saying 'we're having a vasectomy'.

mustardduck

We're posting together so we don't get biased views. As we said, we could not reach an agreement by ourselves for having different views, so we're trying to get ideas with no bias if possible...

We did say in the beginning we're pregnant. The mother think it's nice to say that so somehow it includes the father on the pregnancy. But seems that this is a petty hate of many so we changed it as it does not make any difference for us

Thanks guys... we're planning to get legal advice as well but we need first to figure out what is fair for both of us, not only what the law says

DUTR

mustardduck wrote: »

We're posting together so we don't get biased views. As we said, we could not reach an agreement by ourselves for having different views, so we're trying to get ideas with no bias if possible...

We did say in the beginning we're pregnant. The mother think it's nice to say that so somehow it includes the father on the pregnancy. But seems that this is a petty hate of many so we changed it as it does not make any difference for us

Thanks guys... we're planning to get legal advice as well but we need first to figure out what is fair for both of us, not only what the law says

It is right to say we as you are a couple, and it is something you are doing together.
As a NRP it always amuses me that my child's Mum refers to the offspring as her's and she does everything herself, only when extra stuff is required all of a sudden it is my child too, it's always something I will fling back in their face.

Good luck to you both in your forthcoming arrival, I guess some are mocking you through envy