time management

trailingspouse

OK, I need a bit of help managing my time, as I'm beginning to feel somewhat overwhelmed with it all.

Some background - we're in our 50's, kids grown up and away, have been running our own business (successfully) for 3+ years, and bought our house just a year ago.

Recently my OH has become ill - he's due a procedure in the next month or so which may or may not work. If it works, all well and good, if it doesn't we're stuffed, frankly. On top of this he's been suffering with a bad back for the last two weeks.

The long and the short of it is that I'm now doing everything - all the 'housework' related stuff, all the 'house renovation' stuff, all the business stuff, all the gardening, all the driving. Everything. Plus I feel I need to spend time with the OH keeping him company as he's getting bored/depressed.

Now, I don't mind doing any of this. BUT I'm struggling to actually physically do it all, in terms of time and energy. Even something simple like 'popping' down to re-fill his ice-pack involves going down 3 flights of stairs and back up again, which all takes time and energy!!

So - how can I manage my time better? I need help prioritising.

The house needs to be kept clean and tidy - I know I would find it frustrating to live in a dirty untidy house.

The washing needs to be done - I've pretty much stopped ironing!!

The cooking (and shopping, and clearing away) needs to be done - we prefer to eat fresh home-cooked food, although once a week we have pizza (tonight's the night!!) and every couple of weeks or so we might have fish and chips (although it's still me that has to walk to the chippy and queue for it, so it doesn't really cut down the amount of time needed!!).

The renovation needs to continue - we've been at it a year now, and frankly I'm getting tired of living in a building site. We're on to room 8 of a 10 room project. I'd like to get this room finished, but there are things which I'm just not strong enough to do, which a healthy OH would have been able to do in a blink. This is frustrating for both of us.

The plan was always to develop the business so that the majority of our income was from sub-contracting. In addition to continuing to try to develop the business (which was always something my OH was better at than me) I'm continuing to perform my 'core function' of finance director - dealing with HMRC, the accountant, doing VAT returns, RTI, generally making sure everything is in order financially.

The gardening would not normally be a big issue, but at this time of the year everything's growing away like mad. I've just paid £50 to have the hedge trimmed. The grass needs cutting, the path needs sweeping, the weeds need weeding. I enjoy doing it, and I like it to look nice, so it's frustrating not being able to get out there.

Driving - again, I don't mind - but it just takes time. For example, OH had a chiropractor appointment yesterday, and as he couldn't drive himself I took him, waited for him, and then brought him home. 2 hours gone from the afternoon, and nothing to show for it (it didn't even really help his back!).

Things aren't getting done that should be done - there's an odd smell in the fridge which I simply haven't had time to investigate, the cooker needs cleaning, and OH's car is making a funny noise and I don't have the skills (or the time) to try to find what's causing it.

So - how do I organise myself so that everything that needs to be done is done and I don't feel guilty about the things that haven't been done? I need to stay strong for OH, but cracks are starting to show.

Many thanks.

Alikay

Lists can help - one for must-do's such as appointments, business musts, anything related to the physical care and wellbeing of you and OH, and another of lower priority stuff (gardening, general housework etc). Ticking off the important ones as you do them will make you feel more in control, and the list-making task will only take minutes but will help you prioritise.

Is there anything you can outsource? Lawn-mowing can take a good chunk out of your day, but you may be able to get a student to do it each week for a tenner (look on Gumtree or place your own ad). The chippy tea doesn't sound like much of a time-saver - could you maybe have a different type of takeaway and get it delivered, or pick up a KFC or similar drive-thru as you return from one of your errands in the car?

Above all, don't feel guilty - you are doing your best under very difficult circumstances, and no-one will judge you! If you let people know you're struggling, they may even want to help (offering help is never easy if your friends seem to be coping, as you're often scared of offending!)

fannyanna

How tight are finances?

Could you pay for someone to provide ongoing support in some of the areas? For instance could you afford to pay someone to do the cleaning or general garden maintenance?

lika_86

trailingspouse wrote: »

OK, I need a bit of help managing my time, as I'm beginning to feel somewhat overwhelmed with it all.

Some background - we're in our 50's, kids grown up and away, have been running our own business (successfully) for 3+ years, and bought our house just a year ago.

Recently my OH has become ill - he's due a procedure in the next month or so which may or may not work. If it works, all well and good, if it doesn't we're stuffed, frankly. On top of this he's been suffering with a bad back for the last two weeks.

The long and the short of it is that I'm now doing everything - all the 'housework' related stuff, all the 'house renovation' stuff, all the business stuff, all the gardening, all the driving. Everything. Plus I feel I need to spend time with the OH keeping him company as he's getting bored/depressed.

Now, I don't mind doing any of this. BUT I'm struggling to actually physically do it all, in terms of time and energy. Even something simple like 'popping' down to re-fill his ice-pack involves going down 3 flights of stairs and back up again, which all takes time and energy!!

So - how can I manage my time better? I need help prioritising.

The house needs to be kept clean and tidy - I know I would find it frustrating to live in a dirty untidy house.

The washing needs to be done - I've pretty much stopped ironing!!

The cooking (and shopping, and clearing away) needs to be done - we prefer to eat fresh home-cooked food, although once a week we have pizza (tonight's the night!!) and every couple of weeks or so we might have fish and chips (although it's still me that has to walk to the chippy and queue for it, so it doesn't really cut down the amount of time needed!!).

The renovation needs to continue - we've been at it a year now, and frankly I'm getting tired of living in a building site. We're on to room 8 of a 10 room project. I'd like to get this room finished, but there are things which I'm just not strong enough to do, which a healthy OH would have been able to do in a blink. This is frustrating for both of us.

The plan was always to develop the business so that the majority of our income was from sub-contracting. In addition to continuing to try to develop the business (which was always something my OH was better at than me) I'm continuing to perform my 'core function' of finance director - dealing with HMRC, the accountant, doing VAT returns, RTI, generally making sure everything is in order financially.

The gardening would not normally be a big issue, but at this time of the year everything's growing away like mad. I've just paid £50 to have the hedge trimmed. The grass needs cutting, the path needs sweeping, the weeds need weeding. I enjoy doing it, and I like it to look nice, so it's frustrating not being able to get out there.

Driving - again, I don't mind - but it just takes time. For example, OH had a chiropractor appointment yesterday, and as he couldn't drive himself I took him, waited for him, and then brought him home. 2 hours gone from the afternoon, and nothing to show for it (it didn't even really help his back!).

Things aren't getting done that should be done - there's an odd smell in the fridge which I simply haven't had time to investigate, the cooker needs cleaning, and OH's car is making a funny noise and I don't have the skills (or the time) to try to find what's causing it.

So - how do I organise myself so that everything that needs to be done is done and I don't feel guilty about the things that haven't been done? I need to stay strong for OH, but cracks are starting to show.

Many thanks.

You need to consider what is necessary as opposed to what is a 'nice to have done'.

You say that the renovation NEEDS to continue. Does it? You've completed eight out of ten rooms so presumably (unless it's work to the kitchen) you can live with the rest for now. Clear the stuff away and shut the doors on it for now.

Washing needs to be done, yes, but that's quite quick. Only iron clothes you're wearing out of the house - nobody NEEDS to iron bedding or things you're only wearing around the house.

The garden (if you really can't ignore it for a while) and possibly the house could be done by a professional or kids looking for some summer money - it's the perfect time now to get some of the neighbourhood kids weeding for pocket money.

Does the cooker NEED cleaning? If so, most can be left on for a while while you're doing something else and then just wiped off.

If you have to go to appointments and wait then take some paperwork with you to do, use the time productively.

Kantankrus_Mare

If you have to carry on doing all these things you will burn out and start to feel resentful.

You have two choices as I see things.

1. You have to let standards slip as far as the housework goes. Does it matter if there is a bit of dust or the cooker doesnt get cleaned regularly?

2. You need to get help whether it is paid or from friends and family.

Your liking to cook from scratch is great and I am the same. Cant stand supermarket ready meals. Could you batch cook and freeze in required portions so some nights its just a case of sticking it in the oven?

Hope you get the help and good news about OH that you need.

X

KxMx

If you enjoy doing the garden, make that a priority and find some time/energy for it.

I pay for the heavy garden work to be done, and potter around as I can doing the rest.

I note you've paid for a hedge cutting so you're probably exploring this idea already.

The world won't end if you don't iron. As long as your clothes don't look dishevelled, what's the harm in not ironing?

I'm someone who very rarely irons by the way, and am always smartly turned out. I certainly don't stress about not doing it.

I second the idea of batch cooking and freezing. A fresh cooked meal every night may be too much of a luxury right now. And get a takeaway delivered!

daisydukes79

Online grocery shopping is a god send. We use sainsburys and the service has always been brilliant. Started it when my oh was working away 2 years ago as we had a then 2 year old child and I didn't drive so struggled to go shopping. Now, we have an extra child (2months old) and although my husband works locally, it saves using up family time at the supermarket.
Lists help but only if you break them down to urgent/non urgent and don't do a massive list you have no possibility of completing.
And I love the 15 minute fly lady thing. It's amazing how much you can get done in 15 mins.
Re the ice pack thing - could you fill a ice box thing (a picnic cooler I think they are called) up every morning and it can be refilled from there?

ska_lover

I think you are expecting too much from yourself and are heading for a burn out

I would drop the house renovation. You have 7 completed rooms, there are only two of you - the last few rooms could wait. Some things are more important

Things I would do are:

-Get a regular gardener for the time being

-Work set hours in your business - then sign off for the day

-Get a 2nd hand freezer upstairs for his icepack?

- Purchase a slow cooker - fantastic for whacking a wholesome meal in first thing in the morning and it will cook away all day really slowly whilst you do your daily bits

-Bulk cooking if you can (but obvs this is time consuming)

- Some nights have very easy meals, poached eggs on toast - not ever night needs to be slaving over hot stove (I do this at least once a week)

- Consider super easy meals - whack a few baked potatoes in the oven, turn on and walk away for an hour or so - Grate cheese - enjoy!

-Online shopping is a must

-There can't be massive amounts of housework and washing for just the two of you - concentrate on bathroom, kitchen and don't worry too much if things aren't perfect (they definitely aren't perfect in my house)

Can your grown up children help?

Don't try and martyr yourself x

GreenQueen

Some good tips on here, which should help you feel in control of things.

However, I'm not sure that time management is your main issue at the moment, just something you are hoping will get you on course. If you've brought up kids and run a business, you must have all the skills there. I suspect that anxiety about your situation is wearing you out. Are you sleeping/eating properly? Are you managing to spend quality time with you OH and getting "me time" for yourself. Potentially life-changing illness can be exhausting both for the sufferer and the supporter.

Having said that, if you can afford to pay someone to do some of your jobs and get your groceries delivered, even in the short term, that may take some of the pressure off you.

If you are chauffeuring and waiting for OH, find something you can take with you - work on the laptop, something to read (either work or relaxing) - so that you don't feel that the time is wasted.

And remember, you can't support your OH if you put too much pressure on yourself and make yourself ill. Look after yourself - do what you can, and leave what you can't.

Hope OH's procedure is successful and you can look back on this time as a blip.

GQ

trailingspouse

Wow, thank you to everyone for help and support. It's amazing how much it helps just knowing there are people out there who are prepared to use their own time to help me manage mine!!

I will try the batch cooking - I used to do this a lot when OH was working abroad, mostly because it's hard to buy quantities just for one. I would cook enough for two and freeze one portion. So, I'll go back to doing that - thank you.

I've already pretty much stopped ironing (don't tell my mother...) - I was basically just ironing OH's work shirts, but as he's not working at the moment I'm not even doing them.

I think you're right, the house renovations are going to have to take a break - I'm quite sad about this, as we were really cracking on with it. We are in the middle of the final bedroom - the 'best' guest bedroom (the other one is in the attic), and after that there's two bathrooms to do. We can afford to continue with the bedroom (the plastering is done and paid for, the paint has been bought, and I've paid a deposit on the carpet so only the skirting board, radiator and balance of the carpet still to pay out). However - realistically we can't afford to do the bathrooms at the moment, so even if I continue with the bedroom, I'll have to stop after that. We also need to do the hall stairs and landing, but were leaving that until everything else was finished. This is what makes the house feel like a building site - it's the first thing you see when you walk in the front door. Also, thinking ahead, if OH's procedure doesn't work we may need to look at down-sizing which means having the house ready to go on the market.

Green Queen - you're absolutely right. It isn't the amount I have to do per se that's the problem, it's the worry and anxiety that are in my head at the same time. I'm sure when the kids were young and I was working full time I was just as busy - but between being 25 years older, and having a head-load of worry, it feels different.

The 'kids' are great for moral support, but the nearest one is living 2 hours' drive away. OH's brother and his wife live not far away but they have their own health issues and although good for distraction and entertainment I couldn't, for example, ask them to come and paint a room with me.

Finances are not too bad at the moment - I've just crunched a few numbers and we have enough to live on for 5-6 months assuming we don't have any major problems.

Right - nothing's going to get done at all if I sit here whingeing, so off I go again.

xx

Gigglepig

No wonder you feel overwhelmed with all this going on. Rather than do things 'out of habit', now that your situation has changed is a good time to rethink what MUST be done - focus on the critical things as well as some activities you enjoy.

Is it possible for you both to "camp" downstairs for a while, so you can spend time together chatting, while you take care of practical household tasks and he sorts out as much as possible on the laptop?