time management

trailingspouse

The downside of posting a thread about time management is that I haven't had much time to check back on it!!

Someone asked earlier if I sleep well - I don't sleep much, but I never have done and I came to the conclusion years ago that I basically don't need much sleep. Just as well really. I'm usually bedding down at around 11, and I'll be awake by 5 - it's been like this for at least 15 years, so not related to the current situation.

Ironically, the plan was always to get the renovations finished and then pay a cleaner to come in once a week to do hoovering and dusting (it's a big house). I really don't feel I could ask someone with the state the place is in at the moment!! Yes, 7 rooms are completed, but because we're in the middle of doing room 8 everything that would normally be in that room (twin beds, blanket box, toys for the granddaughter, washstand, bedside tables etc etc etc) are piled up in my bedroom and on the landing. This is another argument for getting on with finishing the bedroom.

I'm now wondering if I could pay someone to strip the rest of the paint off the fireplace, as that's the main thing that's slowing me down. I don't have a problem painting the walls etc, in fact I really enjoy it, but I can't paint them until the fireplace is finished because of the dust.

The weather is miserable today - so at least I don't have to feel guilty about not gardening or cleaning the cars!!

Many thanks for all your suggestions.

This is what I've taken from it -

- make lists, not of everything that needs to be done (that way madness lies) but of the priorities on any given day
- batch cook to reduce the amount of time actually spent producing food
- stop feeling guilty about what hasn't been done
- buy in services (I'd already done this a bit, what with the hedge cutting)
- take the laptop when we go for appointments etc so I can use the time productively

Many thanks again.

TS

FBaby

Does your husband illness means he can't help at all? Not with the physical bit nor the mental ones? What is most exhausting is the thinking and organising, so if he could help with this aspect of duties, that should alread help, like ordering food online, thinking of simple recipes, doing paperwork, making phone calls, arranging birthday cards and presents (ordered on line) etc... It would also maybe help him with his depression?

trolleyrun

I'd ask the kids in the neighbourhood if they'd want to earn some money cutting your grass. If you really want your car cleaned (isn't that what rain is for? ), ask the kids again. Some will no doubt be keen to earn some summer pocket money.

This might be a bit "out there" but you could ask some decorators if they have an apprentice who could strip your fireplace for you. Or if there's a college nearby, perhaps one if the students.

Is your hubby not able to do anything at all? I'm thinking perhaps he could help you with paperwork for the business or something that doesn't require physical work.

And finally, don't be so hard on yourself! You're doing your best and that's all that can be expected.

getmore4less

Picked this up and plenty of suggestions so far.

My first thought was shut down the renovations, they are time consuming and messy so just make more cleaning work the more you do.
Also you are storing the stuff making the rest of the house less usable

Clean up, put everything away back in the room and turn the unusable rooms into storage, shut the doors and forget.

If guest bedrooms it won't matter, you can sleep in the bed if you want guests to have a nicer room.


How many guests are you getting these days that need nice rooms to stay in?


I think the above will free up the most time, energy and reduce the worry.


Get a cleaner in, just a few hours a week will keep on top of the place(now it is not getting messed by renovations.

Focus on business and hubby.

If the business focus makes more money use that to pay people to do stuff.

Use the garden as some relax time as that's what you like doing.

This can also be hubby time he can come out and sit on a chair.

Other time saving activities have been mentioned like on-line shopping.

Only reconsider the renovation if you can blitz with help.

trailingspouse

OH and I have had a long discussion about where we go from here.

Conclusions are -
- finish the renovation of the bedroom, but don't start on the bathrooms. One of the daughters is coming back from Australia for August with her boyfriend (first time we've met him), so want somewhere nice for them. Yes, they could stay elsewhere, but we'd really like them to stay with us, so we'll try to get it finished.
- continue trying to develop the business until he's had his procedure. If it doesn't work, all bets are off and I will have to go out and get a 'proper' job (I'm a qualified teacher, so should be able to pick up supply work in September).
- in the short term, we've taken ska lover's idea of working set hours on the business, and run with it! I will basically work on the business every morning, from 8 until lunchtime. But if I finish what I need to do I'll stop and do a bit of renovation work. In the afternoon I'll do whatever house work/gardening needs doing (as ska also pointed out, there isn't masses of housework - how much mess can two people make??), and a bit of renovation if I have time. And in an evening when OH is watching sport I might either do a bit more on the bedroom, or nothing at all. And if I do nothing at all I won't feel guilty about it.

So, starting tomorrow, the week will go something like this -

Monday - get up, showered, dressed. Put a load of washing on. Into the office for 8. OH has a chiropractor appointment at 10 so I will take him to that but also take my laptop. It'll be lunchtime by the time we get back, so make lunch and then do something housework/garden related (probably cutting the grass). I'll also put another load of washing in. Then if there's time I'll do a spot of renovation before stopping to make tea. In the evening - nothing, unless I feel like doing it.
Tuesday - another two loads of washing (towels and bedding), into the office by 8 and work until 12 ish, lunch, housework (cleaning bathrooms) and maybe a bit of renovation, cook tea.
Wednesday - into the office by 8, work until 9.30 then I go to a Language Cafe (I'm brushing up my German as we do a lot of business over there), home by 12.30. Lunch, then housework/renovation.
Thursday - office by 8, then take OH to warfarin clinic. There's not a lot of waiting around, so should be home within an hour or so. Lunch. Housework (probably hoovering/dusting upstairs). Renovations. Cook tea.
Friday - office by 8. This is my main paperwork day, so expect to be in the office for the whole morning. Lunch, housework (hoovering/dusting living room), renovations.
Saturday - no office work. At the weekend my priority will be the renovations. I also shop on a Saturday (I've tried shopping online in the past but I prefer to be able to see what I'm getting).
Sunday - renovations. And maybe a lie in...

OH is pretty much struggling to get through each day at the moment, so I'm trying not to ask too much of him. I'm not even entirely sure how we're going to get him to the chiropractor tomorrow morning. I haven't ruled out taking him to A&E instead, as the back really isn't getting better and may even be getting worse. Sometimes he can get comfy and feels like it's improving, then he tries to move and it's worse again.

Because of the various medications he's on at the moment, he has to avoid sunlight, can't drink alcohol, and can't take ibuprofen. It ain't easy!! I'm trying to organise a few daft things to keep him entertained - the other night I did a 'pub quiz' - alcohol free beer, peanuts, and me asking the questions. Today I'd thought about having a picnic (rug on the living room floor, food in the picnic hamper), but at the moment if he got down on to the floor I don't think he'd get up again!!!

Many thanks to everyone for all your help. As I said, if really does help knowing there are people out there who want to help.

jetplane

Do you have any friends or other family to help entertain your husband or take him to a clinic, can the chiropractor come to you? How incapacitated is your husband? If he is unable to use a computer, plan things or carry out simple tasks then why don't you ask for an assessment of his needs and get help from social services? As a carer you can have an assessment too.

I agree with all of skalovers post.

A few years ago my husband was ill and needed three operations but he was still able to help, he could still use a computer and although sometimes his concentration was impaired by medication he ordered the shopping online, he could make phone calls, he could entertain himself.

You will exhaust yourself trying to please others, yes it is nice to see what you are buying and it would be nice for your daughter to have somewhere nice to stay. But your husband is ill and quite disabled, by your description, and you are not superwoman :A. If you don't look after yourself you will be of no use to him or the business.

Some people are givers and doers, I am one of those people, and sometimes we just don't know when to say stop. You said you were going to write a list so have your husband write down what he can do, what friends and family can do, what can be paid for, what can be shelved until he is well and see what is left, you may half your current workload

Good Luck

trailingspouse

Jetplane - we may end up needing to have his needs assessed. At the moment we're in the 'let's not panic it might all get better' phase - although some days I think we're just in denial.

He's 'only' had the bad back for 2 1/2 weeks - he has his second chiropractor appointment this morning, and I'm going to try to get him to the doc's as well. Normally, bad backs come and bad backs go, but this one seems to be getting worse.

His other medical problems mean that even just walking upstairs leaves him breathless and the medication he's on makes life difficult too (he's to avoid sunlight as his skin is extra sensitive, and he shouldn't do anything - such as DIY - that might result in a cut as he's on warfarin). Before the back problems he was working 3 days per week, and he's still managing to do some work for the same client from home.

If he either had a bad back, or his heart problems, we would cope no bother - but both together is just getting silly.

Well, it's nearly 8o'clock and time for me to start work. So far this morning I've emptied the dishwasher, taken breakfast up to OH (and watched the news/had a snuggle for 30 minutes), put a load of washing in the machine, emptied the pedal bin, sterilised the dish cloth, fed the cat, tidied the living room, and made my bed. It must be just about coffee time...

missbiggles1

trailingspouse wrote: »

Wow, thank you to everyone for help and support. It's amazing how much it helps just knowing there are people out there who are prepared to use their own time to help me manage mine!!

I will try the batch cooking - I used to do this a lot when OH was working abroad, mostly because it's hard to buy quantities just for one. I would cook enough for two and freeze one portion. So, I'll go back to doing that - thank you.

I've already pretty much stopped ironing (don't tell my mother...) - I was basically just ironing OH's work shirts, but as he's not working at the moment I'm not even doing them.

I think you're right, the house renovations are going to have to take a break - I'm quite sad about this, as we were really cracking on with it. We are in the middle of the final bedroom - the 'best' guest bedroom (the other one is in the attic), and after that there's two bathrooms to do. We can afford to continue with the bedroom (the plastering is done and paid for, the paint has been bought, and I've paid a deposit on the carpet so only the skirting board, radiator and balance of the carpet still to pay out). However - realistically we can't afford to do the bathrooms at the moment, so even if I continue with the bedroom, I'll have to stop after that. We also need to do the hall stairs and landing, but were leaving that until everything else was finished. This is what makes the house feel like a building site - it's the first thing you see when you walk in the front door. Also, thinking ahead, if OH's procedure doesn't work we may need to look at down-sizing which means having the house ready to go on the market.

Green Queen - you're absolutely right. It isn't the amount I have to do per se that's the problem, it's the worry and anxiety that are in my head at the same time. I'm sure when the kids were young and I was working full time I was just as busy - but between being 25 years older, and having a head-load of worry, it feels different.

The 'kids' are great for moral support, but the nearest one is living 2 hours' drive away. OH's brother and his wife live not far away but they have their own health issues and although good for distraction and entertainment I couldn't, for example, ask them to come and paint a room with me.

Finances are not too bad at the moment - I've just crunched a few numbers and we have enough to live on for 5-6 months assuming we don't have any major problems.

Right - nothing's going to get done at all if I sit here whingeing, so off I go again.

xx

As the kids are only a couple of hours away and you have a spare bedroom, can't they come every few weekends to attack the garden and backlog in the house?

KxMx

I notice a daughter and boyfriend are coming to stay in August.

I am sure they'd be happy to provide some short term practical help with whatever you and hubby need be it cleaning, gardening, or enabling you to have some "me" time away from the house.

And don't end up running round after them Needs to be the other way round this time!

trailingspouse

Yes Kxmx - I'm sure they will, although as she's been in Oz for 2 years, I'm guessing they will have a few other people to see too!! Normally we would have open house for anyone to come and visit, big family party etc etc, but that isn't going to happen this time. In fact all the kids would pitch in, but with them spread the length and breadth of the country, and with commitments of their own, that isn't possible.

We now have the date for OH's procedure - 14th August. If it works, he will feel better immediately. If it doesn't, there will be no change and we will have to look into more invasive treatment. At least now we've got a date to work towards.

He's also just got a prescription for stronger painkillers to help with the back.

I'm feeling a bit more in control of things. A combination of feeling that we're making a bit of progress, discussing priorities with OH and then deciding to just not feel guilty if I don't get everything done has helped enormously. And thanks to everyone on here.