Dealing with hurt.

djdido2

I am so glad there is somebody out there that has had similar experiences to me. Over the years I have been criticised because of my weight (I am under 8 stone). It hurts like hell when people ask am I anorexic, bulimic or do I not eat. Yes I eat, do not have an eating disorder and am quite happy in my own skin.

People just do not understand that it hurts my feelings and I have been close to tears loads of times. I have compliments about how slim I am but the majority seem to find my weight a problem.

I am not the type of person to throw insults but I have started saying "Yes it must be awful for you being fat".

The look on there faces is priceless!!!

I am sensitive like that but I have tact and consideration for other peoples feelings.

Well done for pointing it out to them, if more people did this maybe there would be less "prats" in this world.

Errata

I think what happens is that we pay more attention to things that go wrong than things that go right, including peoples comments. The easy penalty goal missed is remembered far more acutely than the dozens of penalties scored.

larmy16

I think it was Madonna who once said that if she was surrounded by hoardes of screaming fans, it would be the person who did not appear to be enjoying her performance that would stick out in her mind!

amritajay

Back then , when I was just married and deliriously happy, I put on a few pounds (BTW i am 5'7'' tall and have a medium frame), my SIL nastily commented that I was too fat.

I was aghast cos nobody had been this direct and rude to me before at least about my weight.
I was overweight when i was 4 years old and was teased about it by my cruel neighbouring kids. But I had been super slim as i was growing up..

Its been 5 years and i still cant get over her comment. I dunno what abt her ticks me off. I hate her, stupid B****.

She made me feel so bad abt myself, probably made me relive bad childhood memories. I am quite cold to her when i speak to her on the phone(actually forced to speak to her by my DH). She lives in a different country (thank u god for that).

balmaiden

Reminds me of many years ago, when, I was with new boyfriend [ now DH ]
he introduced me to two friends of his, stick thin bloke, overweight girlfriend, I am 5ft and Dh is 6ft, stick thin man laughed when introduced to me and said " Arnt you a bit short to go out with ..? my reply was " Arnt you a bit thin to go out with ....?" My Dh was horrified at my rudeness and very nearly didnt become Dh. Infact this and similar remarks of mine have been brought up in our tiffs over the years. However now he has mellowed in his old age he agrees with me that I couldnt grow any taller but overweight girlfriend could loose weight!!!!!
My point really being wherever possible when someone says something ignorant/rude/offensive, say something equally rude back if you can, it always makes me feel better anyway

misty

I've always been the type of person who has to say something in return and when I've been too shocked to - I've seethed and wound myself up about it.

I've also had people say stuff to me - such as "cheer up it might never happen" when I've actually felt ok. I have in the past replied various things including "F**K off" and then when the person looked shocked said "it's not nice getting un wanted commented is it?"

OR "my dog has just died" and then when they've said sorry I didn't realise - I've told them it's not true but it could have been.


I do remember seeing someone who I knew quite well in the pub who was a very informal dresser - wearing a really nice suit. I said jokingly "you look smart - have you been in court?" to which he replied "No, a funeral". I was mortified - it wasn't a close relative or friend but I was cringing all the same.

melancholly

i used to have bad acne (now i just have annoying spots but hopefully when i reach 30 i'll 'grow out of it'!) - i remember someone coming up to me and asking if i was feeling better and that they didn't know i'd had measles. it was meant to be a nice gesture but i was devestated. it contributed to me having major issues about it that i probably still have (still will never leave the house without make up on!),

good for you for dealing with the situation so well - it's so hard not to make the situation worse by telling people you're upset.

meher

balmaiden wrote: »

My point really being wherever possible when someone says something ignorant/rude/offensive, say something equally rude back if you can, it always makes me feel better anyway

Not sure I would agree with this - it might be preferable that we have the grace they don't have.

Tom - in many situations people if their intention is to patronize or humiliate it's likely that they have a problem - not ours necessarily. But that we're not clear of the intentions, I would say, for the sake of practicality, might be useful to look within rather than feel anger. If someone has hurt me I've always noticed that there's been a flaw from my end and their intention might have been to berate me but more so been the case that they didn't think as much as I'd revelled in it - so the problem most of the time has been mine. If they continue to be nasty the problem it would be theirs but it would still be mine if I indulge in negative emotions. Likely it comes from my logic - at the time they spoke to you was when you felt hurt but when you feel it later it's not hurt - if you reflect you would find it's anger.

Anyway to me it seems you've dealt it with dignity and appropriately - when you stayed on you had already dealt with it. Then you went on to clarify your stance.

tomstickland wrote: »

I've had a policy for a few months now of always confronting people if they make me feel bad about something. Once Iget over the initial reluctance to do it it does make me feel better. It's actually quite surprising what can happen if you are direct with someone.

hmm may be you're right - when you confront someone they normally respect you and that would also serve to redress a balance in that was missing in the first instance perhaps why he was patronizing.

Aside - I sometimes find an occasional friction as feelers or sensors - or is it me giving the benefit of doubt for the person who's trying to be awkward inroder to get a response from me. That was me just sharing a thought.

bunty109

balmaiden wrote: »

Reminds me of many years ago, when, I was with new boyfriend [ now DH ]
he introduced me to two friends of his, stick thin bloke, overweight girlfriend, I am 5ft and Dh is 6ft, stick thin man laughed when introduced to me and said " Arnt you a bit short to go out with ..? my reply was " Arnt you a bit thin to go out with ....?" My Dh was horrified at my rudeness and very nearly didnt become Dh. Infact this and similar remarks of mine have been brought up in our tiffs over the years. However now he has mellowed in his old age he agrees with me that I couldnt grow any taller but overweight girlfriend could loose weight!!!!!
My point really being wherever possible when someone says something ignorant/rude/offensive, say something equally rude back if you can, it always makes me feel better anyway

My mum is very tall and often gets comments about her height such as "what's the weather like up there?" (sooo original!). Anyway, someone once commented on her dancing with a much shorter man and insinuated tall women shouldn't go out with short men. Mum (who is no shrinking violet) turns round and say "ah, but everyone's the same when you are lying down" . Shut him right up!

pinkshoes

I'm kinda used to jibes and insults, coz i'm 5'11 and 8.5 stone! Those that don't know me tend to think i'm anorexic, and those who do see me eat (lots!!!) seem to think i must be bulimic... I must admit i was ashamed of my body due to being bullied at school and made to feel like a freak for being so tall, and it never occured to me they were just jealous.

Now I only take seriously the comments from people who I respect. If people ask my opinion about something, I will be 100% honest, but I would never insult someone deliberately. i.e. if my mate asks if her ar*e looks big in something, and it does, then I shall tell her so... but i wouldn't tell her unless she asked :-)