Elderly parent help please

elsien

You need to check if it is supported living or residential care as the help provided and who provides it differs for each.


If your dad is in an independent living type set up, then they will only accompany him to appointments, shopping etc if that is part of his support package.

He must have had an assessment before he moved so you need to get a copy of that to see what it says. He will also have had a financial assessment - if he is self funding, social services have a bad habit of washing their hands of it and telling the family to source their own care. They should however have a list of organisations who provide care and support that they can give you, and you can check these out on the Care Quality Commission website.


Some one will have been responsible for his discharge from hospital and doing the follow up review to check the placement is suitable.
You need to find out who that is and get a copy of any assessments - I'm presuming dad no longer has capacity? If he does, then he should have his own copy of these documents.
If you have no joy with that, then get the social services duty team number from the county council and go through them. Or go back to the hospital social worker for answers.
Once you have that information you should be able to work out what help he was assessed as needing and how this was going to be met. And if it's not working due to his needs changing and needing more help then he needs to be reassessed.
Where he lives or his carers will have a manager. Go to them, and insist they help you sort it out. And use complaints procedures if you have to - the threat of that usually kick starts some sort of action. You sometimes need to prepared to shout, scream and make a fuss to be taken seriously, unfortunately.
Contact Age uk as well - they are a valuable source of information on rights and procedures.

Mr_Toad

margaretclare wrote: »

Reading this, and other, sad stories here, I think how lucky I am.

Like the OP's Dad, I'll be 79 this year. DH is planning to take me for a weekend in Bruges (Brugge) for my birthday.

We recently came back from a long trip to Switzerland and back through France. It was part of our 'bucket list', seeing things together, places we wanted to see while we still can. He drove all the way. During our first night's stopover in France we met another couple, our age or maybe older, who were driving to Switzerland.

I don't get to drive because DH can only get into the driver's side of the car - his L leg is too stiff to get into the passenger seat. And we can't walk very far. And he's in constant pain - back and knee. He's actually more comfortable in a driving seat than anywhere because the seat supports his back. He copes with his Type 2 diabetes as he has done since 1981. But, that said...no one has to take us to the dentist, the optician, we go where we please. DH will be 80 at the end of the year.

If my first husband had survived - he died at 58 - he would have developed vascular dementia because he'd already started having strokes. I couldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

I am so sorry for people I hear and read about who are my age. And the problems that people write about. Should we spend our money - we might need it for 'care'? I asked DH if we could afford a weekend in Bruges so soon after Switzerland. His response: 'What are we saving it for?'

We are lucky. We know it is all coming to an end but we are determined to enjoy every little scrap of life while it lasts.

Now to look at what the wildlife camera has revealed overnight, and go back to learning German...

Excellent post and it's great to hear about people enjoying their lives.

My parents were both in their mid 80s when they started to show symptoms and had a fantastic life.

For heavens sake don't save your money for potetial care costs.

Unfortunately the system does not reward the people who do, it takes their money and uses it. If you spend it you'll still get the care but the state will pay. My father was self funding and was in a fantastic home where about 60% of the people were getting the same thing but state funded.

My Mum is now in a really nice care home but is also state funded because all the money was in Dad's name so got used up, it was something their generation tended to do.

Enjoy your money and do everything you fancy doing.

margaretclare

Mr Toad, thank you for this. Yes, it used to be customary for everything to be in the man's name, even the title to the house. She did all the work, cooked, cleaned, you name it, but it was all in his name.

That doesn't apply to us. We each have our own pensions income, earned in our own right. The property is in joint names but it has an equity release 'lifetime mortgage' on it. We save separately. I'm amazed that I've been able to accrue £12K in savings since retirement. I was never able to save a penny-piece during a full working life with a husband who was long-term sick for the last 20 years of his life, and bringing up a family, as well as an old house which swallowed money like a bottomless pit.

The only thing that we have different is - he has the car loan in his name. It's insured for both of us to drive, though.

We probably shan't have enough income to be 'self funding' though, if one or both of us ends up in care.

We're planning another long trip next summer, to Passau on the Danube, another place on the 'bucket list' that I've wanted to see.

sunnysurrey_2

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply I have been feeling very lost. In answer to some questions.
Dad will not move from that area he's been there 30 odd years
Nearest children are a 45min minimum drive away
He is self funded & in a residential independent living set up
They do not offer a support package that includes accompanying to appts
Capacity is debatable & which we are trying to get his care worker & doctor to confirm
As part of his illness he has become extremely paranoid & distrustful ( think conspiracy theories ) & agitated. It makes him difficult to be around. He is also highly intelligent & runs rings around people when on form

I contact MIND today & they have given me some numbers including the local age uk who I will call tomorrow. Failing that they gave me info on how to find reputable careers that we can pay to help

margaretclare

sunnysurrey wrote: »

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply I have been feeling very lost. In answer to some questions.
Dad will not move from that area he's been there 30 odd years
Nearest children are a 45min minimum drive away
He is self funded & in a residential independent living set up
They do not offer a support package that includes accompanying to appts
Capacity is debatable & which we are trying to get his care worker & doctor to confirm
As part of his illness he has become extremely paranoid & distrustful ( think conspiracy theories ) & agitated. It makes him difficult to be around. He is also highly intelligent & runs rings around people when on form

I contact MIND today & they have given me some numbers including the local age uk who I will call tomorrow. Failing that they gave me info on how to find reputable careers that we can pay to help

I sympathise very much. I sympathise with Dad not wanting to move area. I also sympathise with you and the rest of his relatives who are having unrealistic expectations put upon you. If that was us - well, our nearest rellies are at least 180 miles away and some wouldn't do anything anyway, so we need to remain independent as long as possible.

I'm very sorry for you.

In_a_quandary_2

Is it a residential home, or somewhere set up for independent living? I've just taken over as scheme officer at a leasehold independent living scheme. We can do nothing in regards to personal care, accompanying etc. We are purely there to facilitate smooth running of the scheme.
Residential care is very different. The staff are responsible for the residents well being.
Depending on where he is, it sounds like you need to look into domiciliary care for your dad. However, choose VERY carefully staff are often poorly trained, appallingly managed- and even the wonderful ones are under a dreadful amount of pressure leaving them unable to do the job as well as they'd like. Read a company's CQC report thoroughly.
I left the shower I was working for when it transpired (during inspection) that they had done absolutely nothing with a safeguarding issue I raised. They subsequently lost their contract with the LA.
Good luck.

margaretclare

In post # 1 the OP says

He has gone into independent living/residential care home after 5 months in a psychiatric hospital.

In reply to In_a_quandary, it would seem that Dad lives in the kind of set-up that you're involved in, so your question is answered. There is no one who is responsible for personal care or accompanying.

It must be asked: is 'independent living' really suitable for Dad, given his vascular dementia and psychosis? How does he get on with the other people around him who are also living independently?

In_a_quandary_2

margaretclare wrote: »

In post # 1 the OP says

In reply to In_a_quandary, it would seem that Dad lives in the kind of set-up that you're involved in, so your question is answered. There is no one who is responsible for personal care or accompanying.

It must be asked: is 'independent living' really suitable for Dad, given his vascular dementia and psychosis? How does he get on with the other people around him who are also living independently?

That's why I was seeking clarification so I could be a bit more helpful- independent living schemes and residential care homes are two different things.