How to leave partner when you have commitments?

VestanPance

Morglin wrote: »

To be honest, if the OP is being truthful, I don't blame her for finding a better bloke than the one she is lumbered with!

He sounds a nightmare...:eek:

Lin

It all sounds like a rather convenient blame deflection story to me.

Have an affair with guy at work, claim partner is every possible thing that could be horrible to deflect the blame. If her partner was so bad why not walk out years ago? Why only when a new man is around?

Morglin

You could be right, but it's always easier to walk out, if you have someone waiting.

But, all I am going on is what the OP posted, and as with all things on the net, it may or may not be true.

Lin

Confusedandneedhelp

newcook wrote: »

seriously?!!!! the man is a bully, a cheat and not a very nice man from the sounds of it! sure, she probably does love him but she is obviously not in love with him and has already said that if she does stay with him she would be unhappy.

OP, if you do leave him make sure its for you and not just because this other man has shown you a bit of attention.

So no point trying to fix problems so that these behaviours stop?

What about commitment?

Its all roses, but when it gets hard we jump ship?

Im not saying that every situation can be fixed, but i think people should explore the options, if thats what they want. i read it as something the OP might want

ska_lover

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

As well as re-writing history, bring up tit for tat they'd originally forgiven.

I agree with this to a degree.

Sorry, I know it won't be the popular viewpoint, but I have heard this scenario before.

He cheated on you at the beginning of the relationship - & you put up with further years of what I can only describe as abuse.

You have waited for another man to come along before making you realise that you are unhappy?? How did this not occur to you before now? How can you not realise this without the prospect of a new partner?? This I do not understand.

A man will not rescue you, you need to rescue yourself.

OP you come across as someone who NEEDS to be in a relationship.

It is unhealthy mentally, to jump from relationship to relationship - you need some ''you'' time. Especially as your current bloke is abusive.

I would definately say to get away from your current bloke, but also steer clear of getting involved with the guy at work too. You need time to move on, and to clear out your baggage (because you DO have some..) before dragging it into the next relationship. Because you would, without even realising it.

You need to relearn old habits, and not let yourself be a doormat to any man. This takes time, and isn't something that is going to automatically happen, should you immediately fall into new mans arms

All the best

purpleshoes_2

VestanPance wrote: »

It all sounds like a rather convenient blame deflection story to me.

Have an affair with guy at work, claim partner is every possible thing that could be horrible to deflect the blame. If her partner was so bad why not walk out years ago? Why only when a new man is around?

Shes not having an affair

As for the why not walk out years ago, you could apply that to numerous relationships up and down the country.

There was a long thread on here about a girl who had been with her husband for 8 years and she left him, she got nothing but support, no one lined up to say why didnt you leave him sooner.

purpleshoes_2

warehouse wrote: »

So you're cheating on him with another bloke at work yet he's the one with the issues?

Grow up would be my advice here.

She hasnt said shes cheating with someone else.

purpleshoes_2

newcook wrote: »

seriously?!!!! the man is a bully, a cheat and not a very nice man from the sounds of it! sure, she probably does love him but she is obviously not in love with him and has already said that if she does stay with him she would be unhappy.

OP, if you do leave him make sure its for you and not just because this other man has shown you a bit of attention.

Some posters cant see beyond their own situation and it colours their view of everyone elses relationships

I do think that some advice thats been given on several threads is ridiculous.

People posting that they are very unhappy but the advice is dont split up because the person thinks all families should stay together no matter what.

ska_lover

purpleshoes wrote: »

People posting that they are very unhappy but the advice is dont split up because the person thinks all families should stay together no matter what.

I have noticed the exact same thing! Certain posters have had bad life experiences and are clearly struggling with them I think

swampduck

I understand where you are coming from - but take a little time to think about this.
The reason I say this is because when I was with my now ex-husband - we were talking about splitting up or at least I was! We had two children and debt - I wanted to clear the debt and then go (even if it meant having to continue living with him for a while longer) - my ex-husbands' response was he would keep running up debt if it kept me with him!!
That was the wake up call I needed!!
Don't let commitments in the shape of finance stop you from making the right decision for you.

Swampy

sacha28

ska_lover wrote: »

You have waited for another man to come along before making you realise that you are unhappy?? How did this not occur to you before now? How can you not realise this without the prospect of a new partner?? This I do not understand.

Clearly this is a situation you have no understanding of. It is entirely possible to bimble through life in an awful relationship and not notice it until somebody comes along and treats you in a way that is respectful, attentive, kind and normal!

I had been with my ex for nearly 11 years when I met my current partner. I was unhappy and I kind of knew the way he was treating me wasn't right but it took many long conversations with my (now) OH that I hadn't dared had with anyone else before I woke up and realised the extent of the abuse going on. At the end of the day I had been with this man since I was 16, I was incredibly vulnerable and he preyed on that, I had nothing to compare this relationship to so had no idea what 'the norm' was.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't leave my ex for my OH, but he gave me the confidence to stand up for myself when the full extent of the abuse was realised. It wasn't a new relationship I needed, it was someone telling me that what was happening was in no way, shape or form how anybody in a relationship should be treated.

The reasons I stayed with my ex for 11 years are simple......I was young, vulnerable, had no idea that what was happening was wrong, I had NO confidence, NO self esteem, was almost totally reliant on this man as that's the way he orchestrated it to be. And yes, it took the words of a kind man to wake me up!!!!!

OP finances are not a reason for staying, there are ways around this. Now you have the realisation that things are not good with your current partner things will only get worse, resentment will kick in, you'll find it difficult to be civil on a daily basis, life will become almost unbearable.......because you now know, wholeheartedly, that you no longer want to be with this man.