Need to move out but nowhere to go

Delree

Mate no matter what you're thinking at the moment your family are better off with you. You honestly think your wife will be better equipped to raise two kids without your financial and non financial assistance?

I can see you're feeling hopeless and perhaps not worthy but things will turn around. There are other ways to contribute to the household than just cold hard cash.

As long as she wants you there stay. Be positive focus on what you can do and always strive for improvement with focused determination and you will achieve things.

Chin up mate your family need you and you need them. Good luck.

Confusedandneedhelp

ferry wrote: »

WA tough one but I don't have much time so I'll be brief. First of all I have a wife and there are two kids involved.
Although we love each other and our kids I can no longer support my family due to a combination of financial issues caused by my inability to secure a job that would enable me to do this.
My wife already works all the hours she can and I have job that only pays just above min wage after being made redundant last Oct.My wife already covers a lot of the household outgoings and I try and not always succeed in covering everything else.

With no prospect of a decent job on the horizon despite my best efforts I feel I have no option than to just get out and leave everything to my family. My wife and kids could sell up and move on as there's loads of equity available in the home and they would be secure moving back with her parents for a while.
Meanwhile I have nowhere to go as friends have their own issues and kids and my parents are long deceased.

Sounds like I am just running away from my responsibilities but the prospect of my family being able to live a better life without me feels like it would be the best option at this crossroad in our lives. At least they could continue with some financial security in an environment they are already familiar with.
OK our issues revolve around money and trust me we have made all the cutbacks we can and have even entered payment arrangements with our creditors under the circumstances. So we have really come to a dead end.
I just want my family to enjoy the best in life and feel I can no longer provide that. It's a feeling that has been going for months , I know I need to sort myself out and enough is enough.

Where does someone like me go to with no options unless a cardboard box under London Bridge is my only option

Thanks for listening and I'll check in for any responses a bit later

God bless

F

Dont leave home

go to your GP, explain you are suffering from, atleats on paper, severe depression. There are multiple ways the NHS can help.

Aside from that as far as jobs go, apply for EVERYTHING, go to EVERY recruitment agency, go into EVERY pub, bar, whatever. get yourself out there, if youve worked before you can work again

MancBrel

So your wife works all the hours she can. Why do you think that is? I suspect it's to keep house and home together. HOME! That means you! You're working. It's not your fault that the UK is becoming a low wage economy, and you are no less a person for simply trying to do an honest days work.

It's a struggle, but it's one that you both face together. You seem to be confusing the material "best" with what really matters. Family.

egoode

Having looked at some of you other posts you say you have £150k and I'm assuming the post on the bankruptcy board wasn't about a friend but you so have about £32k in debt.

I think you really need to speak to step change and also start posting on the debt free wannabe board and put a full SOA on there and other people who have been where you are can help you overcome your debt issues. With equity in your house you do have options and probably more than lots of other people have.

You most certainly shouldn't be breaking up your family over this but everyone in your family should know what is happening including your kids if they are old enough to understand. You say you have cut back all you can but is that really true? Have you cut back on things you buy for your kids or have you been trying to protect them and still spend as much on them as you used to?

While everything may seem hard and impossible at the moment it isn't you just need to be willing to face up to the reality of where you are at the moment, you need to ensure you and your wife are working towards the same goal and you need to start setting a budget and sticking to it and have a plan to reduce the debt.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

How exactly would abandoning your wife to do 100% of the childcare, all the work, probably lose her job because she can't juggle both, make her deal with a forced house sale, renting or buying a new one, packing, moving, dealing with two children abandoned by their father and not having the person she loves and claims to love her around to be a caring voice in the night, to make her a drink just so she doesn't have to get up and do it for herself, to hug her and tell her she's wonderful - equate to you doing anything remotely resembling the right thing?

Morglin

ferry wrote: »

WA tough one but I don't have much time so I'll be brief. First of all I have a wife and there are two kids involved.
Although we love each other and our kids I can no longer support my family due to a combination of financial issues caused by my inability to secure a job that would enable me to do this.
My wife already works all the hours she can and I have job that only pays just above min wage after being made redundant last Oct.My wife already covers a lot of the household outgoings and I try and not always succeed in covering everything else.

With no prospect of a decent job on the horizon despite my best efforts I feel I have no option than to just get out and leave everything to my family. My wife and kids could sell up and move on as there's loads of equity available in the home and they would be secure moving back with her parents for a while.
Meanwhile I have nowhere to go as friends have their own issues and kids and my parents are long deceased.

Sounds like I am just running away from my responsibilities but the prospect of my family being able to live a better life without me feels like it would be the best option at this crossroad in our lives. At least they could continue with some financial security in an environment they are already familiar with.
OK our issues revolve around money and trust me we have made all the cutbacks we can and have even entered payment arrangements with our creditors under the circumstances. So we have really come to a dead end.
I just want my family to enjoy the best in life and feel I can no longer provide that. It's a feeling that has been going for months , I know I need to sort myself out and enough is enough.

Where does someone like me go to with no options unless a cardboard box under London Bridge is my only option

Thanks for listening and I'll check in for any responses a bit later

God bless

F

So, you're in debt, along with your wife, and you think the best bet might be to cut and run?

As a woman, I could work through debt, with my spouse, and deal with it - but I could never forgive a man taking the cowards way out, and just dumping the lot on me, and abandoning our kids!

If selling up and moving in with her parents is the answer, why can't you do it as a family?

You could think about downsizing, or selling and renting.

Are you claiming all you could?

http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

Other than that, contact Stepchange and sort it out properly with professionals helping you.

Plenty of people are living through less income than they have for many years, through poor wages, benefit cuts etc., but things will change (I am old enough to have been through all this before!) and it will get better.

So, get pro-active, get control and work, with your wife, as a team.

But, to answer your original question, as a single working man, you would be non priority, and would receive no assistance with housing, from any council.

Lin

TBagpuss

Leaving is not the answer. Quite apart from anything else. your wife *couldn't* easily sell up and downsize without you - on a purely practical level, you would need to sign all paperwork etc.

If you have equity, then it may be that selling up and downsizing may be the way forward for you as a family, to clear your debt (or get it to a managable level)

You mention that both you and your wife are working - how old are your children? Are you claiming everything you are entitled to in terms of Tax Credits etc?

Stepchange could help you in mangeing the debt.
The Samaritans can help you in coping eith your curent feelings, and also speak to your GP as it's possible that you may be suffering from depression, in which case s/he may be able to provide treatment to help you.

If the current situation is putting pressure on your relationship with your wife, you could consider going to Relate together - they don't just deal with separating couples, and I think most branches have a means-tested approach to costs so may be less expensive then seeing a private counsellor.

You mentioned your wife's family - if they would be willing to have her and the children living with them, would they be willing / able to help in any other way? Even if this is non-financial, such as having the children to stay to give you and your wife a little time to yourselves, or to reduce child care costs, it may help you both cope better.

Good luck

Jox

Me and my hubby and baby have moved in with my parents and are renting our flat out to help with our financial situation, it's going well so far, definitely stay with your family, they need you, move in with your wife's folks if you can.

I work and my hubby works here and there when he can but being together as a family is priceless xx

ava_adore

I don't really have anything to add but I wanted to wish you the best of luck. There's lots of amazing advice here and I hope you get the support you need to turn things around.

RuthnJasper

How are you doing Ferry? Are you OK? Sending all good wishes. x