Need to move out but nowhere to go

ferry

WA tough one but I don't have much time so I'll be brief. First of all I have a wife and there are two kids involved.
Although we love each other and our kids I can no longer support my family due to a combination of financial issues caused by my inability to secure a job that would enable me to do this.
My wife already works all the hours she can and I have job that only pays just above min wage after being made redundant last Oct.My wife already covers a lot of the household outgoings and I try and not always succeed in covering everything else.

With no prospect of a decent job on the horizon despite my best efforts I feel I have no option than to just get out and leave everything to my family. My wife and kids could sell up and move on as there's loads of equity available in the home and they would be secure moving back with her parents for a while.
Meanwhile I have nowhere to go as friends have their own issues and kids and my parents are long deceased.

Sounds like I am just running away from my responsibilities but the prospect of my family being able to live a better life without me feels like it would be the best option at this crossroad in our lives. At least they could continue with some financial security in an environment they are already familiar with.
OK our issues revolve around money and trust me we have made all the cutbacks we can and have even entered payment arrangements with our creditors under the circumstances. So we have really come to a dead end.
I just want my family to enjoy the best in life and feel I can no longer provide that. It's a feeling that has been going for months , I know I need to sort myself out and enough is enough.

Where does someone like me go to with no options unless a cardboard box under London Bridge is my only option

Thanks for listening and I'll check in for any responses a bit later

God bless

F

whitewing

No, no, no. I understand why you think it is a good idea and for the best, but I promise you your family needs you. You must tell someone (the Samaritans) how you feel.

ferry

Thank you. I can assure you the prospect of losing everything we have worked so hard for scares me to death.

Must admit to not thinking Samaritans.

whitewing

You are probably in problem solving mode. But your logic is understandably flawed because of the stress you are under. You need to talk things through with someone neutral so that you can get the correct perspective.

go_cat

I don't think your family will have the same views as you on being better without you, you need to talk to someone, Samaritans , GP ! Your WIFE may be a good starting point she would probably be devastated you are talking like this

PasturesNew

Nobody gives a stuff about the money .... it's you and your love that they need. Tough financial times end ... abandonment/sense of loss makes them suffer for the rest of their lives.

RuthnJasper

Oh, Ferry, sweetie - I am so, so, sorry. I know how wretched you feel.

PLEASE don't run away; you can face this situation with strength in being together and supporting each other - this IS possible and it is also possible to climb out of the pit and be all the stronger and more united for your experiences.

That sounds a bit glib, especially when you are facing up to what you have to deal with and there literally seems like NO way out. But it is true.

Have you spoken to Stepchange? http://www.stepchange.org/ There are lots they can help with, even if you are already in DMPs, etc.

Also try Turn2Us, to see if any of their contacts can help with grants or other support. http://www.turn2us.org.uk/

Have you also thought about having a chat with your GP? They can also offer advice and support in a variety of ways.

I speak as a single, young(ish) woman - but PLEASE, PLEASE KNOW that you have NOT failed in any way as a man, as a husband or as a father. Life these days can be difficult and cruel in its fate and it can happen to ANYONE.

Your post speaks so highly of the love and concern you have for your family - there are many threads to be found on here where men have behaved like the epitomes of living sh*ts to their nearest and dearests when the stuff has hit the fan. You are SO much better and stronger than that - and your family deserves to keep you!

Your family would not be better off without you. They love you. I know that, were I married, I would rather live in a little tin hut WITH my husband and family than in a palace without them (my 'family' was my dog Jasper - and, yes, I absolutely would have been happy in a chicken-coop with his reassuring presence than alone in a mansion).

It seems hopeless, I know, but it is possible to be a strong and worthy provider on a low budget for as long as it takes, I promise.

Please keep the thread updated with how you are getting on - people on here can be very supportive, and it's a good place to 'vent' if it all gets too much. There are great advice guides and stories from other members on here, as well as on the other reputable advice sites online.

It will be OK - it just doesn't seem like it at the moment. But please don't run away; that will only make things worse for you all.

Keep going. x

theoretica

Another charity to talk to are Shelter - the experts on keeping the family roof over all your heads. http://www.shelter.org.uk/

Pricivius

As someone whose father walked away from his family with the justification that we were better off without him, please think very carefully before doing this.

Talk to your wife - see how she feels about your proposed solution.
Think about your kids - they need a father in their lives before they need money and material things.
Think about yourself in six months time when you've found a new job but have lost your family.

If there's equity in your property, sell it, downsize to a two bed and start again...

Timeflies

A reduction in your income does not equate to a reduction in your value to your family!

You have a family you love, which is something to be very proud of. You will find a way to manage together.

Practically, if you have equity in your house, then great, you should be able to re-organise your finances & housing to find something you and your wife can manage.

ferry

Just thought I would pop in to engage your responses and I am so glad I did.
I have taken on board all your advice. you guys just speak so much sense,luckily for guys like me!


I have also 'thanked' you all for helping me see some sense in all this and I'm going take a little time out to sort this all out but will post back with an update


...Steps back and takes deep breath....
take care
F