Lazy moo or depressed??

amyb_2

Right…

My flatmate is doing my head in – yet at the same time I’m really worried about her.

She refuses to get out of bed and she’s only left the house once in the last week. I just want her to go and sit outside and got some air but she says she feels ill and tired. Bare in mind she has been sleeping/in bed for about 20plus hours a day.

She’s supposed to be job hunting but isn’t answering her phone to the job finding agency company people. We’ve only just moved property and it’s a ‘lot’ more expensive so she does need to get a job soonish.

I don’t know whether she is just a lazy !!!! or if she as the beginnings of depression. She’s always been a bed lover but she’s not left the flat and that’s not normal. We went out for dinner with my Mum last night and that seemed to perk her up for a bit.

Can anyone suggest anything I can do to ‘motivate’ her?


(please don’t suggest Dr’s or anything cos I don’t do Dr’s and neither of us are registered anywhere. )

Thanks.

me_eevie

I don't think she is lazy .. there is something more going on IMHO.

Is she anxious about getting a new job? It can be a really difficult time and if it is the case that she has been trying for a while with no luck then it can have a huge impact on her confidence and self esteem.

Can you talk to her about it? Please try and find out how she feels, what is worrying her, ask her how you can help.

I do understand your position and I hope you both get it sorted soon.

amyb_2

She's always been pretty lazy - we both love lying in bed but previously she's had to get up for work.

I've offered to help her look for a job - but she says shes not worrying. She is getting a few interviews but not going to all as she oversleeps. I wake her up if i'm in (or try to) but when i go to work she's goes back to bed.

She says shes fine - just got a cold/headache/earache ete which is why shes in bed.

She got up and dressed up to go out last night (and was fine when out) so maybe we just need something to do to give her a reason to get up. But what.... so far all i've suggested is a walk to Tesco or into town.

santashelper_2

i suffer from depression and i believe the best way to tell if someone really has depression is a bit like when people say if you have the flu and there waws a £50 note outside would you go and get it and if you had the flu you would not.

Well depression is quite similar in the respect that not only do you not want to do the things that sometimes many people do not want to do you also stop doing the things that you enjoy because true depression is something that controls your happiness and that part of you feels like it has died so nothing makes you happy any more hence you dont want to do anything many people mistake this for laziness when what happens is one of the side effects of depression is lethargy and total loss of energy which is a side effect of what happens to you not what you choose to happen to you.

hope this helps

amyb_2

I do sorta understand depression and personally don't think she's there yet...

but worried if it continues like this she will be....

(unfortunalty i'm not the most sympathetic of people no matter how hard i try)

Plum_Pie

I was unemployed for about 3 months last year and I have never felt so lethargic. I slept more, I sat around more and I never felt really awake. I would have never admitted this at the time though.

Could drugs or alcohol be contributing to her current state?

Could she develop a cheap hobby? Rambling? Volunteering?

I don't think the doctor would help anyway. I reckon it's OK to take medicine for serious mental health problems but you should try and fix things yourself first. It's the only way to lean about yourself.

I actually think it's OK to behave in a depressed way when your life is going througha shi**y patch. As long as you can pull yourself out of it when you have to.

It seems like a bad sign to me that she isn't answering her phone. Although I felt so moody I didn't necessarily make the most of certain opportunities. Is she quite down on herself about being jobless, maybe she's having a crisis of self-esteem?

Errata

How about having the conversation that goes "I'm a bit worried about you becuase you don't seem to be yourself at the moment and the way you're behaving seems a bit bizarre to me. I'd really like to help if there's something I can do, I don't feel comfortable the way things are at the moment and I miss the way things were between us"
Something along those lines.

newcook

amyb wrote: »

so maybe we just need something to do to give her a reason to get up.

how about the fact that you have just moved into a place that is a lot more expensive than where you were before - or does she think that you will pay for it all???

going2die_rich

You sure it's just not that time of the month and she's just not feeling sorry for herself?

amyb_2

Plum_Pie wrote: »

I actually think it's OK to behave in a depressed way when your life is going througha shi**y patch. As long as you can pull yourself out of it when you have to.

I agree - athough she's going on about how happy she is. New flat, new bloke etc...

I just feel responsible. Might call her Mum. Shift the onus onto her...

System

I go through serious bouts of depression and lethergy but usually its usually about the time my thyroid hormone needs to be increased.