Dad wants to go bankrupt.

alastairq

I cannot see why there's so much criticism of poor old Dad?

I have seen similar time and again, even on this forum.

Everybody seems to be of the impression that Dad has behaved the way he has, for his own ends.

On the contrary, Dad has really done nothing more than try to provide what he see's as 'the best' ....for his family!.

The expensive holiday issue, for example?

Was that for Dad?

Or,was it for the whole family?

What I see is poor old Dad being a victim of modern society's expectations.

Yet, none of the rest of his family [his spouse, for example] , have appeared to try [attempt] to show Dad, he needn't go to all that effort? He need not hide what he see's as solely his problems, from the rest of the family?

Yet, all were happy with the fancy motor, and the expensive holidays?

No-one seems to have tried to persuade Dad, that he need not shoulder the burdens by himself?

The poor old beggar has been labouring under the belief that he must be the provider......and who is to blame for that attitude?

Society itself? His upbringing? Even, his family?

So, is Dad really any different to the hundreds of folk who...for example, contribute daily on this forum alone?

I say not!

But, I note there are one or two posters who [perhaps because they are more enlightened?] have given positive comment & advice.

And I agree with them...Dad needs to petition for BR.....and his family need to support him in this.....if not practically, then certainly morally.


[For example, if Dad thinks you all need a fancy holiday, persuade him otherwise?]

fermi

Please take regard off --> This Board Is For Help Not Judgement and keep the thread on topic (see forum rules), which in this case is helping Paul_1977 with their situation. Anything else should be discussed in Discussion Time.

Paul_1977

alastairq wrote: »

I cannot see why there's so much criticism of poor old Dad?

I have seen similar time and again, even on this forum.

Everybody seems to be of the impression that Dad has behaved the way he has, for his own ends.

On the contrary, Dad has really done nothing more than try to provide what he see's as 'the best' ....for his family!.

The expensive holiday issue, for example?

Was that for Dad?

Or,was it for the whole family?

What I see is poor old Dad being a victim of modern society's expectations.

Yet, none of the rest of his family [his spouse, for example] , have appeared to try [attempt] to show Dad, he needn't go to all that effort? He need not hide what he see's as solely his problems, from the rest of the family?

Yet, all were happy with the fancy motor, and the expensive holidays?

No-one seems to have tried to persuade Dad, that he need not shoulder the burdens by himself?

The poor old beggar has been labouring under the belief that he must be the provider......and who is to blame for that attitude?

Society itself? His upbringing? Even, his family?

So, is Dad really any different to the hundreds of folk who...for example, contribute daily on this forum alone?

I say not!

But, I note there are one or two posters who [perhaps because they are more enlightened?] have given positive comment & advice.

And I agree with them...Dad needs to petition for BR.....and his family need to support him in this.....if not practically, then certainly morally.


[For example, if Dad thinks you all need a fancy holiday, persuade him otherwise?]

My mum has always said to him we did not need to go on fancy holidays, and she gets the hump when he buys new cars and new stuff when there is no need for it. She never got given money or any new stuff, all the new stuff was for himself, and he might on occasion buy my mum something is a rare event. He did by me anything I wanted when I was a child, but obviously at that age you don't understand money etc. I would of rather had a father that showed something rather than just buying me stuff but I think that is the modern world and not him.

He is not a person you can help with talking, if you try and bring it up he just shouts. All he would do is ask for the money and say why he needed it. You can not say to him don't buy that because he will go into one.

He was brought up on a council estate with everyone else in the family. When we went from our house back onto the estates it was very upsetting for my mum who was always crying, but it only left me insecure and I will always have that. We have never known a life of "luxury", only he wanted to live up that level. I and everyone else in the family live based on what we can afford. For some reason he cannot take seeing others with something and gets jealous I think. I am very against wasting money as a result and only buy things when needed most of the time. The only time I spend lots of money is on my holiday and at Christmas.

alastairq

It is a pity I had to poke the wasps' nest to elicit more background information?

The OP has the answer to their dilemma.

Allow dad to do whatever he feels is right.
BAnkruptcy is probably the best way to go for him...but the upside is, his approach to life certainly has given his offspring a more appropriate view?

Leave well alone.....make your own way in life.....Dad has hardly had the most appropriate of influences when he was the OP's age?

But [especially for others posting on this thread?] blame, or fault, isn't anything like the same thing as 'responsibility.


Some, however, cannot see the difference?

-taff

alastairq wrote: »

Allow dad to do whatever he feels is right.

Allowing dad to do what he feels right is what got him into this situation in the first place?
And what he also feels is right so far is to borrow more money from his child.....

Bella_Smythe

Jeez Louise some people on here had an empathy bypass or what? Debtors prison, 'dire' behaviour, throw him to the dogs. what happened to help not judgement.
That said, OP do NOT bail him out. it won't help, he's obviously out of control with his spending (which may be borne of depression and/or desperation with his current circumstances, or even denial) not because he is the Antichrist. but all that will happen is you'll lose your savings and delay the inevitable another few months.
youre dad does have to take the hit on this im afraid.
good luck to all your family :beer:

-taff

Personally, I'm not saying he's an awful person, or that he should be castigated for being bankrupt.

What I am saying is that he is not behaving responsibly and is taking no action to remedy this.

alastairq

Allowing dad to do what he feels right is what got him into this situation in the first place?
And what he also feels is right so far is to borrow more money from his child.....

DAd must deal with it himself?

Without let or hindrance from anybody else?

Bankruptcy, especially, really is taking a debt situation by the horns....allowing creditors to be dealt with equitably..............................

Also, thus far, I haven't noted any posted evidence Dad has actually asked for money from any of his family?

[The OP was asking whether he ought to offer his Dad some money...not the other way around?]

-taff

No. The OP has said their dad is working his way up to asking when the credit card is maxed out. Seeing as the OP knows their dad much better than you or me, I'd be inclined to believe them.

alastairq

What I am saying is that he is not behaving responsibly and is taking no action to remedy this.

That is typical behaviour from a huge number [majority?] of people within an insurmountable debt situation.

Most, however, describe themselves as having their heads-in-the-sand, regarding their debt situation.

Coming to the conclusion one needs advice or help to start to resolve one's debt situation is the first step...one that Dad is only just realising needs to be done.

But, many emotive influences need to be overcome first.