Dad wants to go bankrupt.

Paul_1977

Thanks for the replys,

I still live at home and pay some of the bills. My mum also works but only MW per month.

To be clear after the incident when he sold the house, he had around four credit cards which he got rid of. We were living a life which we could not afford, two holidays a year abroad, 4x4 cars and the latest gadgets. I was too young to think wow how can we afford this. and he lied to my mum at the time about what he earned so she thought we could afford it.

This time he only took out one credit card once he could (Think it was five years after he got rid of all the debt). And to start with the credit limit on the card was only £1500, but the bank have slowly been putting it up, and they keep offering him new cards, but he has never opened any other cards. At least he may of learnt something.

This debt has slowly got higher and higher over time. Then he like an idiot got the new car.

The problem is he has never been able to live within his means, he always wants to live a lifestyle of someone on 80k a year. He is also being treated for depression. So I don't know if there is a connection with that and why he keeps buying stuff. (He never buys anything expensive, but small things which add up to big amounts over time).

Within weeks the limit on the card will be reached, and he keeps coming in to me talking random stuff trying to get me on side, so he can ask the question. He seems to think I have loads of money, He said he thinks I have around 30k saved!!!!!!! And even if I say I don't, he gives the impression I am lying.

I think he will carry on until we come back from our holiday, then it will all go down the drain.

I have decided that I will not be giving my money to him. I will as suggested to pay for the fees with going bankrupt if he does, but that's all.

barbiedoll

Your dad's depression may well be one of the reasons for his overspending. Or he could be depressed because he knows he can't keep up his lifestyle on his income. Either way, it is not for you to bail him out, he will only ever get to grips with this if everyone stops enabling him.

I do know that the banks should shoulder some of the blame, increasing credit limits on cards is one of the reasons that so many of us on here ended up with unmanageable debts. But I can remember having to take money out of our young son's meagre savings account in order to buy food, and the feeling of shame has never left me. Even if you did have £30,000 savings, that has nothing to do with your dad and his spending habits. You obviously work hard and pay your way, please don't feel guilty by not giving your money to him.

Debt counselling charities have saved many, many families from disaster (including mine!) and they may be a way forward for your dad. But to be honest, it seems that he sees bankruptcy as a writing off his debts, I reckon he thinks that he'll have a year on the breadline then he can start spending again. I think he's in for a bit of a shock.

Can't you and your mum take control of the household finances? Don't forget, if he and your mum are "financially linked", her credit rating will be hit too. And for goodness sake, check your credit reports, just in case he has taken out any loans in your name!

dancingfairy

I think be there to support him if you can but don't let him take you down with him. Don't lend him that money as it sounds like you will never see it again
Going bankrupt is not the end of the world but he will need to wake and smell the coffee and take some responsibility. IF he wants to go bankrupt he should be mindful of making it worse for himself by continuing to spend/take out credit as it could mean he has to undergo more restrictions/for a longer period of time.
Oh, don't forget to support you mum in all of this. She sounds like a victim in this whole sorry mess (as are you but you presumably will have the opportunity to move out from the family home at some point whereas she may not feel that she has quite so many options (she obviously does have options but it may feel somewhat harder for her)).
I hope you all get through this o.k
df

alastairq

I note, nowhere in the OP's posts has it been even suggested that Dad has actually asked for financial help from his family?

Even though he obviously felt pressured [by family?] to 'live the dream'.....?

Too many 'perhaps's?'

-taff

Or he's just incapable of budgeting.
He did lie about what he earned.


Perhaps the Op should also consider whether to accept anything from him while he's i na financial mess, and whether or not to go on this holiday which will entail even more spending.

longtermplanner

I juest want to check that as you are living at home you are paying a reasonable amount in rent, whether that is by paying the bills or directly. As you are clearly earning, I would suggest that you should be paying 1/3 of the rent, council tax, utilities, food bills etc.

It may be you are already doing this. But you would be surprised how many young adults seem to think they are doing their parents a big favour by paying the gas bill.

adindas

It seems you are worrying more of your dad's debt than he himself.

What is the problem with going bankrupt in this case ? I think he is very smart if he is going bankrupt in this stage or even later stage as you said no house now, and no assets apart from the car.

Worry about never be able to get credit in the future ? What is the problem with that, why worry. A lot of people on low income never have debt in their whole life.

He will definitely not be eaten by the dog. In this country people will never die of starvation unless they choose it. A lot of people in other part of the world will still need to find out what they will eat tonight to survive ......

Paul_1977 wrote: »

So my dad says he wants to go bankrupt.

He has a credit card with a 10k limit, he has used 9.5 k.

He has an overdraft on his current account at 3k, this is used almost to the limit.

He also has a 15k credit agreement for a car, in addition he took out a 7k loan with the bank to fund part of the car when he got it.

He earns about £1800 a month. Has to pay rent and bills also which leaves him about £400 a month to live with, which he spends on buying stuff.

He is of a view that its already gone wrong and he will never be able to pay it back, so he might as well spend it all until the bank says no.

He has done this in the past, about 12 years ago, but that time he had more than one credit card, and go into debts of 70k plus. He had to sell the house to pay these debts off, not sure why he did not go bankrupt that time as it was far worse.

As we have no house now, and no assets apart from the car, there is not a clear way out.

I have money saved, around 12k which I was going to use (once I had saved more) for a deposit on a house. But I am wondering should I give it to him to pay off most of these debts?

I have lost my job in the last month so now don't have an income coming in, I will have another job soon as in my line of work people are always hiring, but not sure what to do with my savings.

Do I let him be eaten by the dogs, or save him.

My mum says let him loose it all as he has to learn and cannot keep being saved by people, also if he goes bankrupt he will not be able to get credit etc?

Its all a bit of a mess, not that big a mess as I have seen worse on here, but a mess still the same. We are also booked on a holiday which requires 2k spending money.:eek:

jules888

longtermplanner wrote: »

I juest want to check that as you are living at home you are paying a reasonable amount in rent, whether that is by paying the bills or directly. As you are clearly earning, I would suggest that you should be paying 1/3 of the rent, council tax, utilities, food bills etc.

It may be you are already doing this. But you would be surprised how many young adults seem to think they are doing their parents a big favour by paying the gas bill.

Op said in first post has lost job so isnt working at the moment.

margaretclare

With this level of debt your Dad should not be contemplating another expensive holiday.

And I'm surprised that any provider would allow him to have another credit card?

It is do-able. I've been there. But it does mean screwing everything down to the bare minimum. No more credit cards. No more holidays. Very cheap shopping - follow the advice given on other parts of this site regarding budgeting, getting the best deal etc.

There are debt advice centres - Dad could be referred to a local one via CAB. But, it's like so many other things in life - it requires will, it requires an understanding of why he's got to where he is and an intention to get out of it.

Don't give him your hard-earned savings - better not tell him you have them or how much you have! He sounds like the kind of person who, seeing money, immediately thinks 'spend it'. Like that famous woman who won the pools all those years ago. She won a sum of money beyond her wildest dreams but her immediate reaction was to fling it from her as speedily as possible.

I've known people at both ends of the spectrum. People who wouldn't even have a credit card and people who had a wallet full of them, all maxed-out. Seen it, been there...

Paul_1977

longtermplanner wrote: »

I juest want to check that as you are living at home you are paying a reasonable amount in rent, whether that is by paying the bills or directly. As you are clearly earning, I would suggest that you should be paying 1/3 of the rent, council tax, utilities, food bills etc.

It may be you are already doing this. But you would be surprised how many young adults seem to think they are doing their parents a big favour by paying the gas bill.

I pay half of what he does, as I earn (or did) half of what he does.

I am still paying from savings even though I am not earning at the moment.