is it toxic to be envious of other people doing well in life?

kingslayer

I see some of my peers doing well and I feel real envy. I am almost 26 years old and I don't feel like I've achieved anything in life. I have suffered with mental health problems for nearly 5 years and it really affected me emotionally/psychologically. I totally lost all my motivation and fell into depression. I have since started to turn my life around, but it's taken so long due to my low motivation levels.

I am going back this month to re study for my GCSE's in maths and english. I have started volunteering work to regain my confidence in the workplace, but I just don't feel like a normal 26 year old. I feel like I am way behind in life and it makes me feel envious of others my age or younger who have achieved twice as much as I have, if not more.

I see my peers with nice cars, their own places, great social lives etc, and it makes me crave that life. The problem is, I've never known what I wanted to do in life, as a career. I have many interests and a few talents, but I never had the confidence to pursue those talents. I just feel like I'm too old now to start my life over again.

I really don't want to end up at the bottom of the pile in society with no way out. I really aspire to be someone, and to make something of myself, but without direction it is difficult. I have made a similar thread before, so I don't want to bother people with giving similar advice again, but I guess I just want to know how to stop feeling so envious of others and their material possessions.

hgotsparkle

You don't know that those people you envy are happy with their lot, they may work too much and wish they had more free time, they might feel like they've sacrificed too much to get what they have now.

Maybe those people wish they had a chance to re take their GCSEs like you do, you just never know.

Never compare yourself to others as it never does you any good. Your life is your life, who cares what others have done/are doing/will do?

[simon]

I think its good to compare yourself to other people above you and below you. It is this which lets you know where you are in life and where you want to be in life. It is comparing yourself with people above you that lets you realize what you need to do to get what you want in life. You compare yourself with people you feel are below you to understand what you do not want in your life.

"do not just learn by your own mistakes, learn by the mistakes other people make"

You say you don't know what you want to do as a career. Your still young enough to try different things, have ago at the things which you think you can not do, you might be surprised at how good you feel about been able to do it.

Sometimes the best position is life is to have nothing, then you have nothing to loose, so have ago at anything you wish !

good luck !

Free_Spirit_31

Just because people do well in life, does not necessarily mean they are happy.

They could have a six figure income and be on anti-depressants. They could drive a flash car, but still owe thousands on the finance.

Do not compare yourself to other people. You are not other people.

BillJones

kingslayer wrote: »

I see some of my peers doing well and I feel real envy. I am almost 26 years old and I don't feel like I've achieved anything in life. I have suffered with mental health problems for nearly 5 years and it really affected me emotionally/psychologically. I totally lost all my motivation and fell into depression. I have since started to turn my life around, but it's taken so long due to my low motivation levels.

You really are only just beginning, so please, don't feel that there is no hope at 26. I was about your age when I walked aay from a career that I'd worked my whole life to that point to do (physicist), and started at the bottom in banking.

You've plenty of time to work out where you want to go, and then to pllan yor route there.

[Deleted User]

At 25 I was single, no car, flatsharing in a job I felt was going no-where. At 28 I was married, had a reasonable car, a career with progression and I had bought my first home

Why? I pulled my finger out and did something about my life. I found a new job, I moved cities, I joined an on-line dating site.

It's time for you to write down some goals and aims, then see what you can do to get yourself towards them.

Also - don't beat yourself up about what you see on facebook - it's a sanitised version of people's lives and doesn't represent the real them

Revolt5

Kingslayer

I felt compelled to add my views to your post.With a name like that you need to start believing in yourself and start getting strong:)

Please look at the words you use in your first line? " I Feel" feeling emotions.... It makes me crave that life?" Interesting use of words.... Have a think of what your actually saying:)

I know this may sound difficult,and im not aware of your circumstances, but as a simple equation. "We are only here Onetime"

"For certain, do not attempt to build the city of life around the oasis of someone elses purpose,because if you do that luxuriant oasis will ultimately reveal itself to be nothing more than a mirage".

May I suggest a book " The Chimp Paradox" Its about human thinking basically,pm me I have a audio copy I can send you for free.

We all see reality differently in this world, inwardly that's the key. Do not worry about other peoples lives from yours.

Next time you post I want to see positive wording and feeling.

jimmy2times

I'm the same as you, OP.
I'm never gonna be able to compete with my friends in terms of money.
Most of them are under 30 and earning between 35k - 100k.
My most recent job paid me 6.50 per hour!
Their lives are about going to 'meetings' that seem to involve getting drunk, travelling the world, and having fun at the companies expense.
My experience of work is VERY different.
(Supervisor standing over my shoulder in a dusty warehouse, making sure i'm packing items correctly)

They all have good degrees.
Between not being very clever, never knowing what to do with my life, not really having any skills etc, I only have gcse's and so i'm kind of screwed.

On the flip side, my uncle is a complete 'success story' (owns an extremely successful company, sports cars, wife, kids etc, and he's been very depressed for most of my life!)

At least I don't let the fact that i'm destined to be poor forever get me down too much!!

[Deleted User]

All this negativety gets you a heart attack or mini stroke guys, I love the jimmy2times of this world, if you get knocked down get up quick! The positive is always being able to see you need help so you taken the first step kingo

Jimmy Education is never to late!

Currently going to apply for charity work to keep how lucky I am in check, hearing other's problems will keep it in prospective? Exercise to help with any anger as I really think it goes hand in hand with anxiety so it could be worse OP, I prefer practical to meds which of course is another route open

Good luck everyone x

DigForVictory

Kingslayer *I* envy *you*.

You are 26 - I'm eyeballing 50.

You are turning your life around after mental health issues - I'm old enough to appreciate how hard that is & to cheer you on (warning you to word it carefully but smart employers appreciate mental health can be like physical health & thus recoverable from.)

Your peers have their trinkets & symbols - you have a desire to figure out what you *really* want, not necessarily where you want to be on the pile, over how many bodies.

If you do not want to envy their material possessions, try to do three months in a third world country. That's complex & expensive - in the short term, get ticketed & work with handicapped children. One of the most "damaged" Scouts is one of the brightest, sunniest tinkers it's my pleasure to Scout with.

Oh & I'm guessing you can get up & apply for a job in another country & go do it without having to negotiate with a spouse or children or mortgage? There's me envying you all over again. My "status" items are shackles. I can't take off & leave the mortgage & menfolk. Aged 26 I didn't have those ties & passed up a lot of opportunities, mostly unawares.

Do not waste time envying folk. Work on being the one who is envied because they are happy with who they are & what they do?

Education is a great move. All the best with it!

kingslayer

Deleted%20User wrote: »

All this negativety gets you a heart attack or mini stroke guys, I love the jimmy2times of this world, if you get knocked down get up quick! The positive is always being able to see you need help so you taken the first step kingo

Jimmy Education is never to late!

Currently going to apply for charity work to keep how lucky I am in check, hearing other's problems will keep it in prospective? Exercise to help with any anger as I really think it goes hand in hand with anxiety so it could be worse OP, I prefer practical to meds which of course is another route open

Good luck everyone x

Hi, agree with the exercising. The problem is, i'm out of shape right now and have put on weight over the last couple years, so losing it is really tough. I think that's another reason i have been a bit down. I hate seeing other guys in shape, whereas i am struggling to keep the weight off. Also, i am on a strict diet right now, so not being able to indulge in food i like is killing me exercising is certainly helping with my mentality though.

i do need to stop thinking about things too much otherwise i start giving myself panic attacks and my anxiety levels go up tenfold. This constant worry is certainly not good for my health.