is it toxic to be envious of other people doing well in life?

[Deleted User]

Just to counterbalance, I know some exceptionally balanced and nice millionaires.csure, I also know a nut job workaholic one too

kingslayer

The thing is i have talents and i need to find out whether I'm good enough to succeed. I just never pursued my talents due to lack of confidence, but I think I should have, as people find success that way. I don't care for being a millionaire; just earning a living by doing something I am passionate about and talented at would be great. They say it's never too late, so I think I need to take that advice.

I would like to become a professional actor and/or get into directing, so I need to invest in recording equipment first and foremost. I can sing and dance well, but never really had the confidence before, so I should try use these talents to my advantage. Some people are better at certain things than others, but It might take twice the effort than if I was 18, but I'm still quite young, so need to do it.

I do make excuses for myself and tell myself "what if I'm not good enough?" Or "but there's people younger, and probably more talented than me" etc. I end up envious of people in positions that I could have been in if I was either a) pushed by parents or b) had the confidence to pursue it when i knew I had the talent and interest.

I know I'm not old, but a lot of successful people started young and gained plenty of experience; enough to eventually build recognition and become a success in their career.

melysion

Heres one way to tackle things. Being envious of other peoples lifestyles is a choice. You can choose to be jealous that they have, on the outside at least, a better life than you. Or, you can choose to use them as inspiration. If they can do it, so can you.

Worrying about your age, by the way, is a red herring. You can become successful at any age.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19655_5-famous-late-bloomers.html

unlikelyheroine

kingslayer wrote: »

I would like to become a professional actor and/or get into directing, so I need to invest in recording equipment first and foremost. I can sing and dance well, but never really had the confidence before, so I should try use these talents to my advantage. Some people are better at certain things than others, but It might take twice the effort than if I was 18, but I'm still quite young, so need to do it.

You have posted a number of similar threads about your desire to get into performing arts. Everyone has to have a dream, but they also need to pay the bills. Do you have experience in amateur theatre, for example? I can't see it in your posts. It would be doable to get involved in this. It's also something that could be done alongside working assuming you have other commitments. Without being condescending my concern here would be is that you are professing a desire to make a career in one of the most competitive areas there is, and from your posts it sounds like you don't have very much first-hand knowledge of the area.

You absolutely should NOT be investing in professional recording equipment at this stage and thinking that will get you anywhere. Do you have experience of directing plays, have you attended film classes, tried your own scriptwriting? Made a rough-cut film with an iPhone or similar for example to get an idea of your style?

kingslayer

unlikelyheroine wrote: »

You have posted a number of similar threads about your desire to get into performing arts. Everyone has to have a dream, but they also need to pay the bills. Do you have experience in amateur theatre, for example? I can't see it in your posts. It would be doable to get involved in this. It's also something that could be done alongside working assuming you have other commitments. Without being condescending my concern here would be is that you are professing a desire to make a career in one of the most competitive areas there is, and from your posts it sounds like you don't have very much first-hand knowledge of the area.

You absolutely should NOT be investing in professional recording equipment at this stage and thinking that will get you anywhere. Do you have experience of directing plays, have you attended film classes, tried your own scriptwriting? Made a rough-cut film with an iPhone or similar for example to get an idea of your style?

I did attend amateur theatre for a short while back after i finished college around 5 years ago. I was only there a few months and had a small part in the xmas play. A short while after that was when i started experiencing panic attacks, anxiety issues, and eventually, depression. Since then i haven't stepped foot back into any kind of performing arts.

As for the directing, well, i have never tried it to be honest. It is something i'm interested in, but i have just never known where to start, that includes finding people to feature in a video/short film etc.

I do realise how hard acting is to get into. My only real chance of even making it professionally, would be to attend an accredited drama school. All i know is that without a drama school training, it is almost impossible to get an agent, and without a good agent, it's unlikely i would get paid work.

I wasn't thinking of investing in anything really high tech, just something like a camcorder, which would be good enough to record a short film/scene. I will probably need something a little on the more expensive side to record a really good short film, to be fair. I would like to make something relating to what i've suffered from, i.e. social anxiety/depression, maybe even find people who've suffered similar, to be a part of it. And now people can upload videos to youtube, it would be nice to reach a wide audience and show others that mental health issues can be crippling to deal with.

pmd123

This is at least your third thread stating you want to be an actor / director / writer / radiotherapist / something successful, and after a lot of people have taken their time to give you some very useful advice, you're still back posting about the negatives of it all.

My advice is to read those threads again and glean some very useful advice, or else do as you say, and go out and buy some expensive recording equipment that you don't seem to be able to afford, and go out and give it a go, it'll be a lot more productive than moaning about other peoples success, and may actually get you somewhere! If not, then you'll know it's not right for you and you can go and find something more realistic.

Something inside me thinks there'll be another thread along in a few weeks saying exactly the same thing.

:wall::wall::wall:

pmd123

kingslayer wrote: »

I would like to make something relating to what i've suffered from, i.e. social anxiety/depression, maybe even find people who've suffered similar

In addition, having now read your previous post here...

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4999988

I've suffered from social anxiety, and know others who do also, I don't know any of them who would be comfortable enough to travel to the middle of nowhere to meet up with a woman they've never met before, have casual sex on the first date, and then come back the following day to announce...

"I'm a testosterone filled guy who got caught in the moment."

Like others before me, I call troll and am dropping out of this conversation.

ShadowPuma

Yes, its counter productive. I have a friend who was like this about relationships and I explained it this way:

Today your thoughts and actions are represented by 100 beads.

You spent 10 sighing over those nice cars this morning.
You spent another 10 sighing about X persons career and how its 'unfair' (at least in somepart).
You spent 20 dreaming about that career you want in 2 years that you have none of the pre-req's for and wondering when it will land in your lap.
You spent 10 pushing the thought that "your depression" has made you unable to have the chance to do X, Y or Z.
You spend another 10 mentally griping about that "sucessful" person that is being loud and brash today and thinking "he only got somewhere because he's X Y Z or rich...."

Now you are 60 down and you have 40 left to "build" with. Some of which you'll use to keep the above in check and not distracting you more (say 10).... so you have 30 left to bring growth into your life with - if you can be bothered after the above.

I'm not saying you do all of the above. But I have had people for whom their thoughts and envy DO near darn paralyse them into inaction like I have described.

And often? I've had to point out the person they hold up as a paragon of wonderfulness they could never achieve IS unhappy themselves and not that wonderful....

TBagpuss

It's not toxic per se to be envious of people who have what you want. It becomes toxic if you allow those feelings to stand in the way of doing what you want / need to do to get on with living your own life. It's toxic if you let it spill over into how you behave towards other people.

Where you stand now - you want to act. Acting is an overcrowded profession and most actors, like most writers, have to do other jobs to pay the bills. So, if you want to become an actor, you need to think about equipping yourself with skills which allow you to support yourself as you work towards that goal. A lot of actors sign up with temping agencies - can you type? do you have experience which would enable your to wok as a secretary / receptionist? Security work might also be useful. Waiting tables, too, is a classic. they are all jobs where (particualrly if you work as a temp) allow a good level of flexibility on hours and where you can stop and start.
Get back into amateur dramatics - it gives you experience, allows you to build confidence, and starts to put you in a position where you have some skills and experience to convince a drama school that you you be given a place. Find out where your local theatres are and see whether they have any summer schools or volunteering opportunities.
If you want to make short films and put them on you tube, do it. Don't wait to get a high quality camera. You can start with films made on a cheap camera phone if you have to - again, show what you can do, learn from your mistakes - I've seen some very good shorts made with no thing but a camera phone and free, downloadable editing software.If you are any good.

Think about jobs where you might be able to learn some of the skills you want - small, ,ocal advertising or PR agencies, for instance.

Look at what evening classes are available in your area - lots are run from local schools and colleges and may have equipment you can use if you are taking classes.

If you say you can't make short youtube films without an expensive camera, can't get into acting without going to drama school etc you are not going to get anywhere, because you won't get into drama school without acting experience, and evidence of enthusiasm and knowledge, for instance.

Do you go to the theatre much? you can learn a lot from watching other actors. Find out what offers your local theatre has - many offer cheap tickets just before a performance, or for standing room, or via subsidised deals. Volunteer as a usher at your local small / amateur theatre. Train with St Johns as a first aider and you may be able to attend on that basis.

Not eveyone gets to have a career following their dreams, but you can make space to follow your dreams, if you want.

Also, ask yourself *why* you want to do the things you want. Some actors and directors are famous and well paid. Most are not. Don't be fooled into thinking that this is a way to get the material things you want.

If you want to have the house, car etc. you see others having, then you need to look at what skills you have, and what further training you would need, to find a job which would allow you to do that,.

It's commendable that you ware working on overcoming your mental health issues, and on losing weight you want to lose. You'll have learned from those experiences that achieving your goals takes consistent effort and hard work. That's also true of achieving the other things you want.

jimmy2times

I wish my friends weren't all so successful!

One of my friends (though I don't seem him too often) is actually a professional footballer playing for a premier league club making around 60k per week!

I've been searching for quite a while now to think of some sort of course that I could take to get me out of factory work etc, but I just can't seem to find anything.