Breaking the Court Order over holiday

mrandmrsm

Right so just want some advice really please.

My OH's 15 year old son is being taken on holiday by his mother this summer.
That's totally fine but we have had a Shared Residence Order & joint contact order in place since beginning of 2011.
In the court order it clearly states that if either parent wishes to take the son out of the country they must tell the other parent one month prior to the departure - just where they are going but of course she has failed to do this (she has constantly flouted the court orders!) she holds his passport also.

So currently we have only heard little bits about this proposed holiday from the son & she has failed to give us the one month notice because we know they are leaving in 3 weeks time.

We have absolutely no problem with the holiday it's the fact that she threatens us and makes sure we stick to the court order to the letter but she has broken it in the past and now plans to again!

Just want to know if there is anything we can right now to make her relise the importance of court order. 'punish' isn't the right word I know but why should she get away with breaking it??!

Any advice much appreciated.

PintAndAPie

If you have no problem with the holiday then just let it go, no real harm done so why let it bother you?

bluenoseam

If OH's ex continually violates the court order I'd question why has he not raised it with the court before now? If the shoe was on the other foot you can bet your bottom dollar that he'd be being decried for it & he'd be in court quicker than you can say "call yer lawyer" so why not the other way round!

Jinx

So you need to know where the son is going and with a months notice - I'm sure the 15 year old has told you where he is going and with at least 3 weeks notice - not sure a weeks notice is material in this situation...

I would say its more the double standards which annoy you and I can understand that but we're talking about a court order re a now 15 year old which IMO is a lot different to when he was 11/12... Isnt the court order out of date now (if not legally then from the point of view the child isn't going to do/not do anything hes not happy with....?

peachyprice

The only person who will be 'punished' is the son. If you stop her taking him don't ever expect him to tell you their plans again.

NAR

mrandmrsm wrote: »

We have absolutely no problem with the holiday it's the fact that she threatens us and makes sure we stick to the court order to the letter but she has broken it in the past and now plans to again!

Does the lad want to go on the holiday? If yes then you wouldn't want to do something which would deny him going I'm sure. This, as I'm sure you know, would be cast up as your fault.
I would send a recorded delivery letter to her stating that you have been made aware of the holiday and whilst you have no objection in principle point out to her that she has not given the required notice stated in the court order.
One wonders is this a "game" being played by her? Hoping that you do object so she can blame you for son not being able to go. Just word the letter carefully.

mrandmrsm

Because it's the principal - what's the point of a court order if we are the only ones that follow it??

Also we've been told & know from experience if we took this back to court (with only 10 moths till he is 15 & it is disolved anyway) that it would be a complete waste of money & time. Plus the judge would not be happy to see us & wonder why this women cannot simply do as it says???

Just would of liked there to be consequence for her completely ignoring it and doing whatever she feels like. I mean taking a child out of the country without the full knowledge of the other parent is a big deal - anything could happen!

NAR

mrandmrsm wrote: »

Just would of liked there to be consequence for her completely ignoring it and doing whatever she feels like. I mean taking a child out of the country without the full knowledge of the other parent is a big deal - anything could happen!

There would be, she would not be allowed to take him. But you said, and I quoted in previous post, you have no objection to the holiday.
You are right it is a big deal, but who will be the losers if you take court action? Your ex might lose holiday money, but what will you and son lose? You need to think carefully.

FBaby

Why do you keep saying 'we'? Surely it is your OH who has a shared residency order not you. Is he bothered?

Poppie68

You say anything could happen? I don't understand why a months notice of the holiday will make any difference to something happening or not! The boy is 15 when he's 16 he could join the army, ride a moped, earn a living..now is the time for the strings to start being stretched in readiness to being cut..causing an argument now with his mum is only going to effect one person and thats him..His father needs to take a deep breath and let it go, sorry but it's nothing to do with you, these days any 15 year old is very lucky that their parent can afford to take them abroad and i'm sure he will have a fantastic time...and thats all that matters.

duchy

What does his father say ? Is he as keen as you to stir this one up ?

As the child is fifteen it's a bit pointless. They want to go on the holiday and it isn't putting them in any danger so all it would do is continue what is obviously an on-going power struggle between two parents who both need to "win" and the son will know Dad (or his wife) is trying to spoil the holiday and may very well resent you for it.

Sometimes you need to look at the big picture and decide if the consequences are worth getting into conflict for.

The notice period has passed - so what are you trying to achieve ? Cancellation of the holiday ? If not then there is little else except resentment from the child that you are trying to spoil his and his Mum's anticipation of the holiday with causing trouble. Fifteen year olds tend to see things in black and white - anything you do or say is likely to backfire with them resenting you for it.

Your posts smack of wanting "control" and playing power games. Try thinking of the poor kid stuck in the middle instead of your "principles" he's probably had enough of all this over the years and if it hasn't already damaged the father son relationship will do. It isn't YOUR place to damage your new partner's relationship with his son by encouraging him to create conflict over a holiday he actually approves of anyway. Are you jealous of the son by any chance ?