Can a solicitor legally deliver a letter to a 12 year old in England?

simone83 · 1 July 2014 at 4:46PM

Hi!

I know this is a random question, but we don't know what else to do.

Can a solicitor legally deliver a letter to a 12 year old in England?

My husband found out last month that he is the father to a 12 year old child.

A CSA letter dropped on our mat asking for money, so after a DNA test, my husband has been proven to be the father. But all attempts to contact the birth Mother have failed and the CSA have said they can release her details without permission, which isn't being given at present.

We have heard 'on the grapevine' that the child was only just notified that the man she has been calling Dad wasn't, so she wanted to know who her Dad was. The birth mother agreed to the DNA to find out who the biological father was, but doesn't want the child to have contact with my husband.

My husband obviously wants to attempt to contact the child, but we live 500 miles away and from past history he is aware any attempt to contact the child via the birth mother wouldn't be acceptable.

Any other solutions to this problem would be appreciated also.

Simone

thorsoak · 1 July 2014 at 4:55PM

deleted : I didn't read the OP's post correctly first time - sorry !

simone83 · 1 July 2014 at 4:57PM

we had a DNA test done via the CSA, this proved my husband was the father.

savingmummy · 1 July 2014 at 4:59PM

As she is only 12 I think the letter would have to go to the mother.

simone83 · 1 July 2014 at 5:08PM

And there in lies the problem!!! Does anyone think asking social services to intervene and speak to the child to access her views on a possible relationship with her birth father would be going too far? My husband is in pieces thinking that this child thinks he 'abandoned' her, and we really want to try everything we can to ensure that should she want to speak to him, she has the means to contact him.

RAS · 1 July 2014 at 5:14PM

I would start with a very brief letter to the mother acknowledging the outcome of the DNA text, wishing her and the child well.

Ask informally at that stage for contact ( and accept that it will mean a brief contact initially as considerable expense).

Send 2 copies to the mother first class, free certificate of posting from 2 different post offices. Keep a copy.

The courts will accept that at least one of the these was delivered.

Rinse and repeat.

After the second or third non-response, offer mediation prior to court action.

In the mean-time go to Families Needs fathers and ask for help. He may have to go as litigant in person, which is fine. At that stage ask for a CAFCASS report. If the child wants contact, the court is likely to award it.

And then ask for FB/Skype or phone contact to support face to face.

She is nearly Gillickcompetant so mum will find it hard to prevent contact if the child wants it.

BigAunty · 1 July 2014 at 6:15PM

In the meantime, if he can afford it, he can set-up a savings plan for his child so that if contact is thwarted at the moment but she contacts him as an adult, he can show that he's made fatherly provision for things like her education and wedding from the moment he knew about her existence. This may counteract any fibs that the mother comes up with that suggest he's done the minimum and tried to flee from anything other than his legal responsibilities via the CSA.

TBagpuss · 1 July 2014 at 6:17PM

other than going to FNF, what RAS suggests is the best way to go. Letter to mum is the way to start. Suggest that contact initially involves sending photos and cards so that the child has some idea of who your husband is, and her relationship to him. If Mum doesn't respond, then a referral to mediation followed by an application to court would be route to take. If you do make an application to court then CAFCASS will get involved, and can speak to the child.

silvercar · 1 July 2014 at 7:38PM

A lot of 12 year olds have facebook. Easiest way to bypass the difficult mother.

Raksha · 1 July 2014 at 8:02PM

I don't have any advice, but big hugs to you in what can't be an easy situation and for standing by your husband and putting the child's needs first.

Poppie68 · 1 July 2014 at 10:47PM

I wouldn't advise trying to go around the mother to contact the child...you may of heard things ' on the grapevine' but until you hear from a very reliable source you run the risk of causing heartache and devastation to a child. Just get the father to keep trying with mum, don't you get involved...this child has just found out her 'dad' isn't her dad and thats not an easy thing for a 12 year old to absorb..your husband can't rush things..her mum may just want time to think and to deal with her daughter before inviting your husband into her daughters life..