Moving on with dignity

Delree

My relationship ended last weekend when my girlfriend ended it, without warning and gave an untrue reason (think there's someone else).
I have not resorted to insults or bitter words but instead resolved to keep my dignity and be pleasant.

Trouble is I have realised over the last week that I don't have anyone, apart from at work I am alone and feel very sad. Is it okay to be upset and sad and still keep your dignity or is maintaining a false image of happiness also eroding one's dignity?

I'm interested in people's views because I'm mixed up.

Snakey

Neither. Go for neutral, because the impression it gives when someone is openly sad, angry etc in a work setting is "please, please take me aside and ask me if there's anything wrong so that I can bend your ear about it for the next three hours", and if dignity is your thing then you won't want people thinking you're desperate for attention and sympathy.

It's a good time of year to be single, weather's great, days are long, nice and warm, so get out and about and do all the things you need to do to get yourself into a good position for when you're ready to hit the market again - take up a sport, lose weight if you need to, that sort of thing. Time will pass and you will feel better.

If you want total dignity, just say that you split up. You don't have to say a) she dumped me, b) without warning, c) and lied to me about the reason, all of which do give off just the teeniest whiff of bitterness. It's done, she's gone, it's in the past, look to the future which is normally pretty bright when you lift your head high enough to see it (you have a job, you're clearly able to form relationships with girls you really like, and you're now free from restrictions on your time or focus).

Billie-S

I'm sorry, I can't say much more than 'snakey' but I do feel sorry for you, and I hope you're OK soon.

Delree

@ Snakey great advice. In fairness I haven't apportioned blame when talking about it, I've just said we broke up and she had her reasons. No overt bitterness (although I'm a little bitter inside but that'll pass).

I guess you win some and you lose some. I look forward to winning one day lol.

no1catman

Options that might help:


- work out your 'pain' through music - songs that reflect your mood, can give it some identity, it can perhaps enable you to vent your emotions,


- go for a walk - watch the sea - to calm you,


- write down how you feel, even to the 'ex' - then throw it away, down-loading your emotion and dumping it.


and it maybe a clich! but time heals.


Good luck

aylesby

Snakey's advice is as good as it gets.

redcard

Think about the things you did wrong
Work out how you can do them better next time
Learn some basic meditation techniques
Work your !!! off at the gym for 3 months, maybe something intense like Crossfit
You'll be just fine

DUTR

Delree wrote: »

My relationship ended last weekend when my girlfriend ended it, without warning and gave an untrue reason (think there's someone else).
I have not resorted to insults or bitter words but instead resolved to keep my dignity and be pleasant.

Trouble is I have realised over the last week that I don't have anyone, apart from at work I am alone and feel very sad. Is it okay to be upset and sad and still keep your dignity or is maintaining a false image of happiness also eroding one's dignity?

I'm interested in people's views because I'm mixed up.

I'm not sure why the poster above suggests you did something wrong, anyways your episode is just one of those things in life's journey, I have every confidence a future GF will exceed the one just gone. In years to come you may look back at some that 'got away' and it adds contentment that they are no longer part of your life.
Good luck with your journey.

Person_one

If you want to talk to somebody about your sadness, there's always the Samaritans. Its not just for people who are suicidal.

08457 90 90 90

redcard

DUTR wrote: »

I'm not sure why the poster above suggests you did something wrong...

Because it's absolutely beyond any comprehension that he is not perfect?

Riiight.

There's nothing wrong with reflecting on things you did or didn't do.

DUTR

redcard wrote: »

Because it's absolutely beyond any comprehension that he is not perfect?

Riiight.

There's nothing wrong with reflecting on things you did or didn't do.

Who is perfect?