Back to MFW with a bump! lilmissmups MFW journey

Beckyy

:grouphug:

Congratulations on your little girl, a very nice name you picked too.

So sorry to hear you had such a traumatic labour, I hope that time heals for you.

Keep us posted and stay positive :A

yukkibear

Congrats on your daughter. Sorry you had a tough time, hopefully the horrible memories will fade away and be replaced by all the wonderful ones having a baby brings in time xx

lilmissmup

Right, my life is fairly back to normal now so am trying to get back on the MSE bandwagon for 2015!

So Maddie is now 4 months old and about to celebrate her first Christmas! I have brought her a few bits but not a lot, it's so hard not to buy her toys and clothes all the time.

I have spent a fair bit on her since she was born but been being second hand toys where I can.

Luckily I haven't had to buy many clothes since she was born as got given a lot and got hand me downs from my best mate whose daughter is 11 months and 11 days older than Maddie!

On my health front things are a lot better, I am on medication for my depression and a long term antibiotic to keep an infection at bay and under hospital care for it too but otherwise I am pretty much back to my old self.

Sadly my Nan died 9 days ago, she was 81 and had been poorly for a few years, was very ill in April and I was worried that she might not ever meet Maddie but it was still a shock that she died as she died all of a sudden and unfortunately was alone when it happened. .

I am very glad she met Maddie but devastated she will not see her first Christmas or watch her grow up.

I have been left some inheritance by her though which I plan to use wisely and help it towards enjoying a happy time with Maddie as well as some house jobs.

The money should mean I definitely don't have to go back to work for a couple of years, as I am not sure if Maddie will be my only child for both personal and financial reasons I really want to enjoy every minute with my precious baby girl.

Beckyy

Welcome back and Merry Christmas!

Very sorry to hear about your Nan but it's lovely that her gift can help you and little one.

I hope Maddie has enjoyed her first Christmas, and to see you around in the new year

milocat

Hi my lovely.

I am so sorry about your birthing experience and I'm sorry for the loss of your Nan.
Last year was horrific for me birth-wise as well, but I had it a lot easier with Laura. She's the cutest baby, and only 2 days younger than your Maddie! We should have a baby-based-MSE-meet-up!
I know it can feel like you won't ever get over and forget how awful things were for you, but I promise it will get easier (although I don't think I want any more kids either!). PM me if you ever want to talk about it ~ it can be good to get it off your chest

Good luck with 2015, I'll pop back and see you plenty

Beckyy

I hope you and Maddie are keeping well lilmissup she must be growing up now! x

coldcazzie

Not remotely money saving related at all, but I would seriously suggest arranging a birth debrief, either with someone from the hospital, or a local independent midwife. You can request to have copies of all your notes, and then you go through them with someone, see what's been written, reflect upon what has happened, and reflect upon your feelings about the whole experience. It's a really valuable part of processing - very important, regardless of whether you decide to have another child or not. I would imagine it would cost around £50 for a local IM to come and speak to you; it would probably be free at the hospital but there's the chance (not definite, but possible) that whomever you speak to puts a spin on it because if the hospital made mistakes in the way they cared for you then they might not want to admit them. You could do speak to both.

Many women don't know it's an option, or choose not to because they believe that dredging old feelings up that they've squashed because they're uncomfortable is a bad idea, that you'll never get over them that way because you're always picking at them, but actually processing something in a healthy way and making peace with it and being able to move forward involves going over and over and over it and talking about it with lots of people. Often your feelings about these things change from a week past, to a month past, to a year past, to 5 years past, to 10 years past... and that's okay and normal. And often people are made to feel like they aren't allowed to feel disappointed or traumatised by their birth because they have a wonderful child, which frankly is bs. It's okay to have mixed feelings about an experience, and denying that is unhealthy.

I only say this because I'm a doula; I support women through pregnancy and childbirth so I'm often dealing with women who have had previously traumatic experiences and they take a long time to process, sometimes years. Debriefing and talking and processing is really important feel free to PM me if you want to, but don't feel obliged x

lilmissmup

Thanks Cazzie.

The debrief is something I have looked into but not arranged anything yet.

I am part of the birth trauma association facebook group so when I get down I can chat on there.

But luckily as time goes on I feel better, I do fear though if I had another it might all come back up though.

I will do a money update later today or tomorrow!

And yes Maddie is defo growing up, 7 months soon!!!! :eek: