My mum (MOB) is upset, how should I handle this?

anrutpea

Hi Justengaged

I am getting married in just under 2 weeks as well - exciting isn't it?

Organising a wedding can be the most stressful thing ever - i thought it was going to be a breeze but the amount of politics is unreal.

There are times when I have been hurt and upset by close friends and family but at the end of the day it's me and my fiance who have saved up and paid a lot of money for our wedding and for once we are going to be a bit selfish because it is about us and what we want.

We have had tantrums over not letting kids come because if one side of the family brings them the other will want to too and because there are so many we had to say no. This resulted in one of my closest relatives refusing to come (who was also my bridesmaid). I felt liked giving in but we stuck to our guns in the end because it is what we want and what will make us happy.

What I am trying to say in a long winded way is that although you want your mum's support on your big day, you can't please everyone and this is YOUR special day, YOU are paying a lot of money for it and you will do this only once. Make the most of it and let your mum cool off - if she wanted to be more involved in your wedding planning she could have got in touch and made arrangements with you - it's a 2 way street.

Put yourself first for once - I don't know about you but I am alway thinking and worrying about other people but I am grateful to the people who want to be there on my day and celebrate it with me.

This close to your wedding you should be absolutely buzzing :j:j

Good luck!

anrutpea

Just noticed you are already married by now - hope it all went well

Kim_kim

ognum wrote: »

You do state that you suggested yourself or your sister took her shopping for another outfit, I didn't make that up, you wrote it. If you read my post and the rest of your thread you will see another poster suggested she would take her mother and she would choose her outfit

I was a bit surprised no one in the thread referred to this. I know brides choose their bridesmaids dresses, but not their mothers outfit?
I remember my niece stating all women must wear dresses to hers, no females in trousers. I thought that was cheeky.
Is this how it's done now?
There used to be an expectation on the atendees to dress appropriately.
Has that changed now & people get a dress code?

meg72

Kim_kim wrote: »

I was a bit surprised no one in the thread referred to this. I know brides choose their bridesmaids dresses, but not their mothers outfit?
I remember my niece stating all women must wear dresses to hers, no females in trousers. I thought that was cheeky.
Is this how it's done now?
There used to be an expectation on the atendees to dress appropriately.
Has that changed now & people get a dress code?

No I don't think its how things are done now, some Brides get really carried away with themselves and to my mind behave very childish, its my party and I`ll cry if I want to so to speak.


Your niece was not only cheeky but downright rude to dictate in this way, had it have been one of my lovely nieces it would have made me very angry. Surely you invite those that are dear to you
and if great grandma , great aunty flo or even your Mum are more comfy in a trouser suit then so be it, to my mind its more important that they care enough about you to come and share a special day.

Justengaged

Anrutpea, congrats and good luck for 2 weeks time


So people are missing the point here.... when I suggested my sister and I help her pick an outfit (and also IF she wanted to) as in be there for feedback, I would never have made her wear some I specifically chose.... and using the term "frog marched" was just blowing it out of proportion.


So, here is an example of roughly what she wanted to wear (the actual top was much worse and more revealing), coz I don't think people are getting it... I wasn't dictating what she was going to wear, I just wasn't happy she was going to wear something like this, especially as MOB!





So to conclude.... thank you to those with good advice, and to the other people, well you can just jog on.

ognum

Justengaged wrote: »

Anrutpea, congrats and good luck for 2 weeks time


So people are missing the point here.... when I suggested my sister and I help her pick an outfit (and also IF she wanted to) as in be there for feedback, I would never have made her wear some I specifically chose.... and using the term "frog marched" was just blowing it out of proportion.


So, here is an example of roughly what she wanted to wear (the actual top was much worse and more revealing), coz I don't think people are getting it... I wasn't dictating what she was going to wear, I just wasn't happy she was going to wear something like this, especially as MOB!





So to conclude.... thank you to those with good advice, and to the other people, well you can just jog on.

Hmm , I can tell why you have communication problems with your Mum, please tell me where anyone anywhere in this thread had said 'frog marched'. Answer, no one at all. As I said when I wrote my last reply I was referring to another poster who claimed, she would take her old dear shopping and buy her choice.

Well done on having a great day and enjoy a happy marriage.

7roland8

Just wanted to say that if there's not much to organise then mum has to accept that. You cannot live your life through your children's lives.
Definitely the outfit was not really suitable and don't think you have done anything wrong.

Justengaged

ognum wrote: »

To all the brides that say it's your wedding so EVERYTHING must be your way I hope you remember this if you ever have children and keep your mouth firmly shot as your daughter or future daughter in law marches you into a dress shop and chooses something you would hate to wear for their wedding.

So aggressive!


I revoke the word "frog" but I stand by the rest, even worse though you seem to be having a pop at all brides just because they might want to make their biggest day of their life perfect, is it really so hard, it's one day I mean really, come on now!


It's one day where I was upset about something she was planning to wear. I remember all the embarrassing stuff my mum dressed me in for yearsand other mental abuse I was put through by her, so even if I want her to wear a chicken suit (which I would never do before anyone goes off on one about that), for one day does it really hurt that much to go along with your own daughters wishes on HER most important day, you seem to think so, so bravo on that (!)


Anyway, your little "all brides" paragraph rubbed me up the wrong way hence my reply, and yes, I'd wear whatever my daughter or daughter in law wanted me to wear on their wedding day if something I had picked out wasn't to their liking.

ognum

Justengaged wrote: »

So aggressive!


I revoke the word "frog" but I stand by the rest, even worse though you seem to be having a pop at all brides just because they might want to make their biggest day of their life perfect, is it really so hard, it's one day I mean really, come on now!


It's one day where I was upset about something she was planning to wear. I remember all the embarrassing stuff my mum dressed me in for yearsand other mental abuse I was put through by her, so even if I want her to wear a chicken suit (which I would never do before anyone goes off on one about that), for one day does it really hurt that much to go along with your own daughters wishes on HER most important day, you seem to think so, so bravo on that (!)


Anyway, your little "all brides" paragraph rubbed me up the wrong way hence my reply, and yes, I'd wear whatever my daughter or daughter in law wanted me to wear on their wedding day if something I had picked out wasn't to their liking.

All I'm suggesting is better communication, all we need to do is talk and we can sort things out. Just try it, both with your mother and with your future family and these issues won't come up. Just talk!

CoconutJay

ognum wrote: »

All I'm suggesting is better communication, all we need to do is talk and we can sort things out. Just try it, both with your mother and with your future family and these issues won't come up. Just talk!

It's very easy for those sitting on the fence to come up with a 'solution'.

As a child who grew up with a difficult family background I can probably answer for OP and say that it's not just as simple as merely talking or communicating. Had it been that simple it would have been tried in the first place.
Years of emotional, mental abuse that no child should ever go through will certainly place many barriers in the face of 'normal' communication.

I find your comment to be rather flippant really. It's like telling someone with depression to 'just get over it'.