My mum (MOB) is upset, how should I handle this?

Andy_89

Justengaged wrote: »

Hindsight is wonderful, but wished I just kept my mouth shut as she won't be in all the photos anyway

IMO the worst thing to do would be to keep quiet. It is YOUR wedding afterall.

I have told my old dear that I will be chosing the dress she wears, I will even pay towards it. She will tend to chose the cheapest dress she can find, not at my wedding!

I think there are very few times you can justifyibly (is that even a word??) be truely selfish, your wedding day is definitely one.

guardiangirl

I don't think you're being selfish in the slightest. Wouldn't she rather you were honest? And it does sound like an inappropriate dress to wear!!

ska_lover

supersuzie50 wrote: »

I don't think you are being selfish - it is your wedding. Your mother is being very childish by sulking. Ignore it. My mother still plays that game at the age of 94!!! They never seem to accept that they are responsible for their actions. Stop making excuses and enjoy your wedding.

Totally agree. OP- Your mother is attention seeking

I get sick and tired of hearing brides & grooms referred to as selfish for wanting to do what pleases them, on their wedding day

Bennifred

I think you should have been honest with her when you saw the dress she has chosen - gasped in horror and shrieked "You can't wear THAT to my wedding!", burst into tears and rushed away. It's not too late.

trixie73

This is why I did what I did for my wedding last year. We decided in may to get married,and booked the wedding for 5 weeks later. We have been together 24 years and have 3 grown up children and 1 grandchild. I couldn't be bothered with all the hassle of wedding planning and people falling out with me for not doing things the 'right' way', so we didn't tell anyone about it. We simply went to the registry office on the day and had our children has witnesses. We then went for a lovely meal afterwards. It was perfect, just how I wanted it. We then phoned our family to tell them we had got married. There was a lot of whinging for a few weeks,but hey ho, they've got over it.

heartbreak_star

How did it go OP?

HBS x

ognum

OP I hope you can sort this out with your mother, you clearly have issues with her and it's such a shame to let this get out of hand.

In my experience it is good to talk, you are right in thinking you have given your mother no guidance so suddenly telling her that an outfit that she thinks is perfectly suitable is not will be difficult for her to handle.

To all the brides that say it's your wedding so EVERYTHING must be your way I hope you remember this if you ever have children and keep your mouth firmly shot as your daughter or future daughter in law marches you into a dress shop and chooses something you would hate to wear for their wedding.

Things going smoothly is all about communication and OP you have chosen not to communicate and it has back fired, it's now time to go and talk.

heartbreak_star

Might be a bit late now, I think the OP married a couple of weeks ago

HBS x

Justengaged

Wedding was back at beginning of July so yes wee bit out of date, but doesn't seem like ognum even read my post properly so rather pointless reply tbh, and kinda read like they have their own problems to deal with, read like abit of resentment there.

At no point did I say her outfit wasn't suitable, so you got that bit wrong, and certainly at no point "frog marched" her anywhere, good grief! Also, putting "chosen not to communicate" how on earth did you come to that conclusion, did you even read the post!?

Any who.... I got it sorted out before the day, my mother has always sought out be the centre of attention so on the one day it should be me and my husband getting the focus we managed to keep everyone happy regardless as she tried it on the day as well. Luckily managed to side stepp it as other family members were on hand to not only spot her trying her tricks but also stop them, so it's not just me.

ognum

Justengaged wrote: »

Wedding was back at beginning of July so yes wee bit out of date, but doesn't seem like ognum even read my post properly so rather pointless reply tbh, and kinda read like they have their own problems to deal with, read like abit of resentment there.

At no point did I say her outfit wasn't suitable, so you got that bit wrong, and certainly at no point "frog marched" her anywhere, good grief! Also, putting "chosen not to communicate" how on earth did you come to that conclusion, did you even read the post!?

Any who.... I got it sorted out before the day, my mother has always sought out be the centre of attention so on the one day it should be me and my husband getting the focus we managed to keep everyone happy regardless as she tried it on the day as well. Luckily managed to side stepp it as other family members were on hand to not only spot her trying her tricks but also stop them, so it's not just me.

Thank you for your comments on my state of mind, I have no issues, have two children one happily married who had a great wedding and one getting married in the Caribbean with family and friends present later in the year, hence my reading of this section of the forum. I did read you first post and the subsequent posts very carefully.

It was you who stated that your mother felt she wasn't kept in the loop, she got that feeling from somewhere, could it not have come because she felt excluded maybe? You may have reasons for that but her feeling was that she was excluded. Better communication in whatever could have solved this, you decided not to communicate, not to give her even the smallest bit of responsibility. This I am sure is down to your historical relationship but you could have foreseen the issues.

You do state that you suggested yourself or your sister took her shopping for another outfit, I didn't make that up, you wrote it. If you read my post and the rest of your thread you will see another poster suggested she would take her mother and she would choose her outfit I was referring to that but maybe you haven't read the thread yourself properly.

I am pleased for you that it went well and your family stepped in to support you. I hope you have many happy memories.