Undertaker complaint

simpywimpy

I lost my dad in 2013 and at the time, the undertaker told me that the church we wanted his service in had refused us because we were out of the parish. I was really annoyed at the time but took their word. Fast forward to 2014 and my sister passed away, used the same undertakers and we ended up being told the thursday prior to the monday funeral, that we were unable to have a catholic priest. As it was too late for people to change their plans, we went with the CofE vicar.

Ive written to the undertakers earlier this year telling them I thought they had lied to me. Ive now managed to track down the priest they mentioned by name in their reply who assures me they would never have refused my dad his service in the church. I was also told that the undertakers would have known that it is common practice for a priest to have a day off on mondays so wouldnt have been able to arrange my sisters service for the requested monday either.

Where do I go from here though? I want to go back to the undertaker and try to get past their admin team (the owner was apparently far too busy to speak to me)

Pollycat

What exactly are you expecting to happen when/if you do manage to speak to the undertaker in person ?

What outcome do you want from this?

dzug1

What do you hope to achieve? I would have thought there was nothing more you can usefully do.

pollypenny

You show real commitment to religion when you 'went with' a COE vicar rather than a catholic priest.

Why the big deal about one church?

Goldiegirl

Like the other posters, I'm not sure what you want to achieve?

What's done is done - wouldn't you be better remembering your dad and sister with love, rather than confusing their memory with some sort of unresolvable dispute with the undertaker?

simpywimpy

The point is that my dad and sister wanted specific things for their funerals and I was lied to by the undertaker. They said we had been refused when it seems it was not the case.

As for why we went with the CofE vicar, it was too late at that point to change the date of the funeral.

It's mainly the fact that we could have had the church we requested and were denied that by the people who should have made it happen - the undertakers. Not only did they lie about it by blaming the church but have been obstructive and nasty in their approach since.

How many other families have accepted their word and accepted alternatives just to make their job easier.

Pollycat

But you still haven't said what outcome you expect.


Even if the undertaker admits to lying or you prove that he did, where will that get you?

bongonaut

I know the funeral profession well, and whereas the vast majority of undertakers are genuinely compassionate, helpful people, there are also some who are not great at transparency and open communication about what they do. I think it's unlikely they have actually LIED to you, but the facts have been probably been distorted by poor communication and misunderstanding on both sides.
If you have addressed your concerns to them in writing and they have not replied, you could approach one of the trade associations (google SAIF or NAFD) if the FD is a member of either. They will have dispute resolution processes, but as the other posters here have said, you will need to be clear about what you want this all to achieve.

7roland8

Well if you want a response send a letter to your local paper to get the issue out in the open.

McKneff

What exactly do you want out of it all.


Let your deceased family rest in peace.


You really need to let it go, as you have seen after 2 deaths, life is far too short to let these things rule your life.

jaylee3

bongonaut wrote: »

I know the funeral profession well, and whereas the vast majority of undertakers are genuinely compassionate, helpful people, there are also some who are not great at transparency and open communication about what they do. I think it's unlikely they have actually LIED to you, but the facts have been probably been distorted by poor communication and misunderstanding on both sides.

This ^^^

I don't think anything has been done in a malicious way simpywimpy, and certainly nobody would have set out to deliberately hurt or upset you.

I am genuinely sorry that you have lost 2 people so close; it is devastating, and you are probably still grieving to be fair, so your reaction and your anger here is understandable. But as a few people have said to you, there isn't anything that can be done now.

I am sure your dad is at peace and looked down on the person who made the mistake saying 'silly twit!' But he will be fine as he would have known that it was not really anyone's fault and it was not done deliberately.

A Church of England vicar is just as worthy to do a funeral as a Catholic priest by the way.

I think this is all your grief talking, and I hope you find peace soon, but please try not to let relatively trivial things bug you and try not to stress about things that cannot be changed.