help with MIL to be...

becca87

Hi all just wanting a bit of advice really please!

I get married in 3 months and opted to do all the decor etc myself as no one else either wanted to or was V crafty, so I have had a bit on my plate recently with work and the wedding!

I have just seen my mil to be and she has decided to let me know that she doesn't have just one dress for my wedding but 3! And won't describe them as they are a surprise!! She is also the mother Of the bridesmaid ( who has also decided she's wearing 2 dresses... Not that she's asked me!) so now my maid of hon feels bad for me and the fact she has one dress!!

I feel a bit lost as mil had a terrible wedding but feel like she's completely trying to upstage me on my day! My mum hasn't even decided what she's wearing yet but mil is telling me tell my mum what she should and shouldn't wear as they are mil colours...

I don't always see eye to eye with mil but really stuck with what to do!

Fiance is too laid back to understand or 'take sides' so I'm left piggy in the middle having to accept it

I'm certainly not trying to be bridezilla but feel that after we have saved for years for a.lovely day my mil to be could be a little more considerate....

Any advice how not to scream or burst in to tears...??

Trixsie1989

Hey, I've had issues and I'm expecting more with mine but not sure I can help you. If it was me I'd sit and talk to her and tell her your mum will wear whatever colour she likes regardless of whether it's mils colours coz she's got 3 outfits and ask why she has 3? I'd also tell bridesmaid she can wear one dress or she's not being a bridesmaid. The day is about you and your oh not them and they should understand that. At the end of the day they will just look silly doing the outfit changes and with how busy it will be that day I wouldn't think they'd even have time to change anyway. They are both being very disrespectful and it would annoy me no end. I would also explain how,you feel to your oh because otherwise resentment could start to linger and why should you have to compromise on your special day? Is he an only son? Does mil,not,think her other children will get married and she wants to make,the most of this one? I have screamed at my mil a few times because she was telling me my ideas were rubbish and I was taking too much on etc and actually got oh to 'gang up' on me with her about it. We now have the issue of I would like her to wear lilac to match wedding,colors and have got her flowers in lilac for,this reason and she's said she's not doing that so I'm expecting another row soon. Stand your ground to get what you want but you need your oh to step in as it's his mother and she's more likely to listen to him. Pm me if,you want to chat or vent xxx

CH27

Trixsie1989 wrote: »

Hey, I've had issues and I'm expecting more with mine but not sure I can help you. If it was me I'd sit and talk to her and tell her your mum will wear whatever colour she likes regardless of whether it's mils colours coz she's got 3 outfits and ask why she has 3? I'd also tell bridesmaid she can wear one dress or she's not being a bridesmaid. The day is about you and your oh not them and they should understand that. At the end of the day they will just look silly doing the outfit changes and with how busy it will be that day I wouldn't think they'd even have time to change anyway. They are both being very disrespectful and it would annoy me no end. I would also explain how,you feel to your oh because otherwise resentment could start to linger and why should you have to compromise on your special day? Is he an only son? Does mil,not,think her other children will get married and she wants to make,the most of this one? I have screamed at my mil a few times because she was telling me my ideas were rubbish and I was taking too much on etc and actually got oh to 'gang up' on me with her about it. We now have the issue of I would like her to wear lilac to match wedding,colors and have got her flowers in lilac for,this reason and she's said she's not doing that so I'm expecting another row soon. Stand your ground to get what you want but you need your oh to step in as it's his mother and she's more likely to listen to him. Pm me if,you want to chat or vent xxx

You can't dictate what she wears to your wedding! I don't blame her saying she won't.

fiscalfreckles

I think MIL will just look silly if she keeps changing, let her! And if your Mum & everyone else is co-ordinated with the flowers etc, she will stand out all the more. Try not to worry about it; if she's hell bent on this sort of behavior then even if you were able to put your foot down, she would find some other way to draw attention to herself. Remain dignified, it's your day, the focus will totally be on you, if she's acting like a diva it will give your guests something to mutter about...I'd have been tempted to say, when she told me, "are you worried you'll spill something down yourself, then?"
But regarding the bridesmaid, I would put my foot down. A bridesmaid's outfit is part of the overall look of the wedding and she should be told that she's keeping it on throughout, as is the maid of honour. If she doesn't like that & wants to change to look like a guest then tell her (& her mum) that she may as well just be a guest then and you'll find another bridesmaid.
Good Luck.

elsien

I shouldn't think anyone will particularly notice or care MIL having several outfits. As far as the bridesmaid goes, if she's got her bridesmaids dress for the ceremony, main reception and photos, does it matter if she changes later on when most people will have had a few and be past caring?
From the point of view of a somewhat unobservant guest, by later in the evening I couldn't have told you what anyone bar the bride had on.

krustylouise

CH27 wrote: »

You can't dictate what she wears to your wedding! I don't blame her saying she won't.

It's tradition for the guests to wear colours to match your theme and corsages for the female wedding party are co-ordinated accordingly. My MIL to be asked me what colour she should wear to our wedding in October, however I'm not bothered in the slightest what anybody wears, as long as they don't come in sporting my wedding dress everyone can please themselves!

minerva_windsong

krustylouise wrote: »

It's tradition for the guests to wear colours to match your theme and corsages for the female wedding party are co-ordinated accordingly. My MIL to be asked me what colour she should wear to our wedding in October, however I'm not bothered in the slightest what anybody wears, as long as they don't come in sporting my wedding dress everyone can please themselves!

Is it? I've never been to a wedding where the guests wore colours to match the theme. If anything I'd think it more unusual for someone to show up wearing the wedding colours who wasn't a member of the bridal party... Then again, maybe I go to very untraditional weddings!


OP, I'd vote for just leaving them to it. If your MIL and bridesmaid want to miss out on the party by spending their time changing their outfits, let them - or at least on the proviso for the bridesmaid that she changes after the official pictures are taken if you want her in them (I presume one of her dresses is her bridesmaid's dress so matches the others). I do agree with you that it's annoying but at the end of the day they're the ones who'll look silly while you're enjoying your day with your new husband.

CH27

[QUOTE=krustylouise;65796192]It's tradition for the guests to wear colours to match your theme and corsages for the female wedding party are co-ordinated accordingly. My MIL to be asked me what colour she should wear to our wedding in October, however I'm not bothered in the slightest what anybody wears, as long as they don't come in sporting my wedding dress everyone can please themselves![/QUOTE]

Since when?

Okydoky25

Honestly this time next year you are not going to even remember your MIL being there. She could wear a pineapple on her head and you wouldn't remember.
The day goes SO FAST. Let her waste her time changing. Your bridesmaid however I believe should stay in the chosen dress. She is part of the wedding party and should be feeing honoured to be apart of it. Tell her your thoughts and if she still wants to go ahead knowing it will upset you then she is most def the wrong choice of bridesmaid x

krustylouise

CH27 wrote: »

Since when?

MIL's and close family members, obviously not all guests - should have worded that better.

Floss

krustylouise wrote: »

It's tradition for the guests to wear colours to match your theme and corsages for the female wedding party are co-ordinated accordingly...

Bo!!ocks. In all my 50 years and 2 weddings of my own, I have NEVER been to or been involved in a wedding where the Mums coordinated with the theme, they coordinate with each other and maybe the bridesmaids, but not with the "theme". That is completely bridezilla. It is polite to order a corsage to suit the outfit, but not to expect anyone to dress to suit the flowers.