Working to pay for childcare

mrcow

I read this article today and it reminded me of some of the posts in this thread.

http://ceomums.co.uk/a-letter-from-a-working-mother-to-a-stay-at-home-mother-and-vice-versa/

Really, life is too short to be criticising others as we so often do.

Takeaway_Addict

mrcow wrote: »

I read this article today and it reminded me of some of the posts in this thread.

http://ceomums.co.uk/a-letter-from-a-working-mother-to-a-stay-at-home-mother-and-vice-versa/

Really, life is too short to be criticising others as we so often do.

Very 'Woe is me' that link...

mrcow

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

Very 'Woe is me' that link...

lol probably - but it's refreshing to see something different. It did make me laugh a little implying that stay-at-home motherdom was full of monotonous boredom - I think it's more often what you make of it.

Janepig

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

I have regularly had it said to my face by other working parents at my children's school that they would never dream of scrounging off their husbands.

I honestly find that hard to believe, that someone would just walk up to you and say that - we must have nicer parents around here or something because I don't know anyone who'd even dream of doing that. I'd love to have a husband I could "scrounge" off !!! My mother was a "housewife", I don't think anyone, including my father ever thought she was a scrounger. I've also worked with older ladies over the years who can remember a time when if you worked for local councils, etc... then you had to give up work if you got married, let alone had a baby!!

Jx

Person_one

Bluejeanbaby wrote: »

I stopped work when I had DS. That was nearly 6 years ago & I haven't returned since. I had DD two years ago. I've effectively finished my career. Taking such a long break will mean I have to start again from the bottom if I were to return to the profession. However, it was never a career path I intentionally set down in the first place & we are fortunate enough to manage on DH income alone.

Out of interest, do you think you'll ever go back to that career? Would you like to start a new one or would you want to have 'just a job' when you start working again?

For most women, the period when they have their children at home full time (not at school/nursery) is pretty short compared to the decades that are their working life before and after.

pukkamum

Janepig wrote: »

I honestly find that hard to believe, that someone would just walk up to you and say that - we must have nicer parents around here or something because I don't know anyone who'd even dream of doing that. I'd love to have a husband I could "scrounge" off !!! My mother was a "housewife", I don't think anyone, including my father ever thought she was a scrounger. I've also worked with older ladies over the years who can remember a time when if you worked for local councils, etc... then you had to give up work if you got married, let alone had a baby!!

Jx

I have had similar said to me as has my friend, in fact one of our close childless friend expressed almost disgust that we were sahm's.
She all but called us lazy scroungers making our husbands work so we could 'sit at home and drink coffee'.
My friend was terribly upset, me, I just let it go over my head.
Recently caught up with her on facebook, she is now a sahm with 2 kids.

I don't care what others think, I don't scrounge off my husband, he isn't 'keeping' me,
I help him to do the job he does, very physically and mentally tiring shift work, by ensuring he comes home to a hot meal, tidy house with all bills sorted etc.
We have discussed my going back to work but we have both decided that our familoy works well this way and unless we have a financial crisis this is how it will stay.
I hate the way that working outside the home is seen as aspirational and the best example to give kids, it is both those things of course but it doesn't make staying at home any less valid or any less of a good example.

Janepig

pukkamum wrote: »

I have had similar said to me as has my friend, in fact one of our close childless friend expressed almost disgust that we were sahm's.
She all but called us lazy scroungers making our husbands work so we could 'sit at home and drink coffee'.
My friend was terribly upset, me, I just let it go over my head.
Recently caught up with her on facebook, she is now a sahm with 2 kids.

I don't care what others think, I don't scrounge off my husband, he isn't 'keeping' me,
I help him to do the job he does, very physically and mentally tiring shift work, by ensuring he comes home to a hot meal, tidy house with all bills sorted etc.
We have discussed my going back to work but we have both decided that our familoy works well this way and unless we have a financial crisis this is how it will stay.
I hate the way that working outside the home is seen as aspirational and the best example to give kids, it is both those things of course but it doesn't make staying at home any less valid or any less of a good example.

See I just think that it's none of anyone's business how others decide to live their lives. Yes I know some bad parents, but they're not bad parents because they work or don't work, it's how they treat their children imo. I always say I go to work for a rest, the hard work starts for me when I leave work to fetch the kids from school and do my afternoon and evening shift with them and DH!!

Jx

jetplane

pukkamum wrote: »

I help him to do the job he does, very physically and mentally tiring shift work, by ensuring he comes home to a hot meal, tidy house with all bills sorted etc. We have discussed my going back to work but we have both decided that our familoy works well this way and unless we have a financial crisis this is how it will stay.

This ^^ surely the most important point is that the family work as a team, supporting each other and their children.

Janepig wrote: »

See I just think that it's none of anyone's business how others decide to live their lives. Yes I know some bad parents, but they're not bad parents because they work or don't work, it's how they treat their children imo. Jx

And this ^^ in my experience poverty or wealth and whether the mother works or not has never been a measure of good parenting.

The conflict between staying at home and going to work has ran on for decades. I stayed at home and then changed career. Had I kept on working I would be free to retire this year with a good pension. As it is I will be working for a few more years yet, so in effect I just shunted my working life by a decade. Where I gained as being a stay at home mother I lose on being a working grandma :happylove

jaylee3

Person_one wrote: »

Out of interest, do you think you'll ever go back to that career? Would you like to start a new one or would you want to have 'just a job' when you start working again?

For most women, the period when they have their children at home full time (not at school/nursery) is pretty short compared to the decades that are their working life before and after.

Agree with this.

jaylee3

jetplane wrote: »

This ^^ surely the most important point is that the family work as a team, supporting each other and their children.

And this ^^ in my experience poverty or wealth and whether the mother works or not has never been a measure of good parenting.

The conflict between staying at home and going to work has ran on for decades. I stayed at home and then changed career. Had I kept on working I would be free to retire this year with a good pension. As it is I will be working for a few more years yet, so in effect I just shunted my working life by a decade. Where I gained as being a stay at home mother I lose on being a working grandma :happylove

Agree with this too ^^^ I have never ever heard any woman say (when she is middle aged (ish) and the kids have grown, that she wishes she had spent more time at work. I have also never ever heard any child say they wish their parents were at work more.

This is not meant as an attack on working parents at all, but I believe the children are happiest when at least one parent is at home all the time. I know it's not always practical, because of how expensive the cost of living is these days, but in an ideal world, someone would be home all the time for the kids when they were school age.

I know, it's a pipedream, but it's just my two cents worth.