Hi New Here and feel sick over money all the time

pickle_me

Our combined annual income is slightly less than yours but we also started off with a debt of £15k. You can see from my signature how we've managed to reduce it.

It can be done. Post your SOA and you'll be amazed how many savings you can find. I halved our monthly grocery bill - that saved us £300 a month right from the start.

Guilt doesn't help you. No point regretting what's past. Make the decision to start fresh and sort out your finances - it's a good feeling once you get it under control

Hopefuljoy

Hi there! I'm deffo not judging. Single mum who has spent way too much since divorce and has only just paid off debts with redundancy. 10k plus an I kept secret through shame. A real turning point has been contacting Christians against poverty (Cap) who are recommended on MSE. Absolutely brilliant with no trying to convert you. Feel like I am getting a grip for the first time in seven years even though my salary has just been cut by eight thousand.

You are not alone and I agree with the other posters. At least one or two of your wealthy looking friends are also staying awake at night fretting and shamed and then spending the next day to alleviate the stress. You will begin to show them the way once you get more confident! My final recommendation is Greying pilgrims thread!! Lovely and warm and reassuring like a teddy bear and warm hug on a winters night! Good luck!! We are all rooting for you!

On_my_way

sillyspendy wrote: »

Thanks guys how lovely and refreshing to speak to you all All my friends are debt free in big lovely houses and brand new cars paid cash and so I have no one to speak to about stuff like this. xxx

It's fine, you don't need to tell them everything...just like they don't tell you everything. They may have debt, quite a lot of it in fact!

thefrugaltrial

I owed £18k at the beginning of the year, I had a redundancy payout which has cleared a lot but I still owe £11k and like you I have zilch to show for it.

It's a little boring but I suggest the following:-

- pay minimum repayments on all debt.
- choose 1 debt to concentrate on repaying. With that debt pay more than the minimum every month, ANYTHING, even if it is only a £1.
- budget for everything each pay day.
- review your budget half way through the month (i check my bank statement every week).
- sell what you can on ebay/facebook/carboot etc. Decluttering is refreshing!
- cook at home more/learn to cook.
- create a good store cupboard of essentials i.e rice/herbs/gravy etc.
- don't accrue anymore debt.
- lf credit cards try to move to 0% balance (but beware of fees).
- have a clothing fast

Good luck!!
-

Cookiecat_2

Hi I just wanted to say you are most definitely not alone! My husband and I earn respectively very similar amounts to you and your husband. We ended up in a very big mess, £55,000 in debt not including our mortgage. We overstretched ourselves with our house as we live in an expensive part of the country, and purchased a property in a state of neglect so it was big enough for our family, we spent money we thought we could afford on upgrading our home. Couple that with one year when I was on maternity leave, and my husband was re training earning very little, and general poor control of our finances and the end result was a very slippery slope to meltdown.

Like you I felt sick all the time, I felt afraid, and became withdrawn, and depressed fearing bankruptcy. In the end my turning point came when I realized that within 6 months all our credit would have run out, and we would no longer be able to pay the mortgage and our bills. I told my parents, and then my sister, I hated myself. My sister put us onto CAP Christians against poverty, and over the past three years on our DMP we have slowly started to gain some control. We have 5 more years to go, and its the toughest life challenge I have ever faced. We have very little to live on, as our mortgage is very large, and so is our childcare bill. But we will do it!!! I have ups and downs and am obsessed with money, and how to pay for the things we all still need. However this has been the biggest deal of my life so far, and once we are done I hope we will have learned from the experience. I say to myself if we can get thought this we can do anything!!

You are not alone, but debt is not something we discuss freely in the outside world. Most people who know me have no idea and I maintain the pretense carefully. My very close friends do know since we cant afford nights out or babysitters, but they are supportive. It is only very recently I have started to let go of a little of the guilt and shame, and I have started to accept our new life as a lifestyle. Its possible to make really big cutbacks, and you will be able to pay your debt off. Good luck!!! You have made the first step.:jUse these boards, they have been a life saver for me x

bambos

Hi and welcome to DFW.

Firstly well done for coming here and taking the first steps toward a debt free life. There is no judging on here just tons of support and helpful advice. As many have suggested a SOA would be useful then people can advise accordingly.

With regard to your friends who say they have no debt. I had a friend like this and it transpired she was 54k in debt but wasn't ready to admit it yet, it's not always gospel when people say that have no debt.

[Deleted User]

sillyspendy wrote: »

We meet our minimum payments each month and had considered a loan to pay it all off so all we had to pay each month was the loan.

Before considering a consolidation loan, you need to determine if, financially, it is a good idea.

To do that, you need to compare the cost of your current debts, with the cost of the loan.

For instance, there'd be no point consolidating with a 15% APR loan, if your current debts are at say 8%.

I suggest running your existing debts through the Snowball Calculator (link below), to see how much interest you will pay overall, then compare it to the amount of interest you would pay, over the life of the consolidation loan.

There are two other things you need to watch for, with a consolidation loan.

The first is, that you won't be tempted to re-use your cleared lines of credit.

Secondly, that you won't be tempted, when your bank manager(s) says, "We could do you a loan at a lower rate, which will reduce your monthly payments by £xx".

http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

BillJones

sillyspendy wrote: »

BUT....we are 15k in debt. We meet our minimum payments each month and had considered a loan to pay it all off so all we had to pay each month was the loan.

Lots of people come here saying things like the above, and it never makes sense.

If you take out a loan, you are not paying your debts off at all, you are increasing them. The only way to pay debts off is to do just that, pay them off, with your own money.

BillJones

sillyspendy wrote: »

Thanks guys how lovely and refreshing to speak to you all All my friends are debt free in big lovely houses and brand new cars paid cash and so I have no one to speak to about stuff like this. xxx

I'd take the opposite view. If all of your friends were up to their necks in debt, then it'd not be much use speaking to them, as they could tell you nothing about how to budget effectively and live within your means.

If they are all debt free, then they should be able to give you excellent advice as to how they got there.

[Deleted User]

I agree with the sentiments posted here, you may think your friends are doing great with cars paid in cash but I would put good money on the vast majority being on finance..I know a friend who works in a car showroom and he told me people who buy new cars with cash are like hen's teeth. A lot of it is show, keeping up with the jones' etc