Spliiting up and money

fresh_start

Hi all,

Am after some advice, hope you can help.

I met someone in Jan-2010 and within months she fell pregnant, which was unplanned.

She was living with someone at the time, they had already split up before we met. They decided to sell thier house and she moved in with me in Jan-11. That April our child was born.

I prefer not to go into why but I do think we are going to split up very soon, though I will say that there is no one else involved.

IF we were to split up, where would we sit financially?

When she sold her house she banked about £30K. She moved in with me about 3 1/2 years ago and pays me £300 pcm and about 80% of the food bills. All oour financies are otherwise seperate and the house we live in is my own with a mortgage.

I wouldnt want her to leave and be struggling and would want to pay my share of maintenance. She works 4 full days a week, the child goes to nursery 2 days a week, which we both go halves on, and hes looked after by either the gf or family the rest of the time.

I was thinking of giving her a lump sum, but how much? Would it be fair to give her 50% of what the propery value has risen by? plus extra?

One thing which does bother me is that she is terrible with money. she'll just give it away to friends and family if they ask, and she has done. So I dont know how much of the 30K that she has banked from her house sale she has left.

Thanks

19lottie82

First off, you sound like a really decent bloke, so well done.



If you don't want to hand over a lump sum in cash, would you be prepared to pay for a deposit on a new (bought) property, so your child will have a stable home? If she can afford / get a mortgage, that is.

fresh_start

Thanks, Its been a difficult few years and I have tried my hardest for my childs sake, but am finally admitting its not working. I do find it hard to put myself first, priority for me is my childs welfare, but I dont want to cripple myself financially either.

I am willing to do what I can. I would pay for a deposit if she agrees to that. I am concerned that she is terrible financially. Ive tried to talk to her many times about money, but she doesnt care about it and has no interest in it and would be willing to give it to someone who is struggling financially.

People see her as being generous, but I see it as being a little irresponsible.........a fine line I know......

cakeforbrains

fresh_start wrote: »

Hi all,

Am after some advice, hope you can help.

I met someone in Jan-2010 and within months she fell pregnant, which was unplanned.

She was living with someone at the time, they had already split up before we met. They decided to sell thier house and she moved in with me in Jan-11. That April our child was born.

I prefer not to go into why but I do think we are going to split up very soon, though I will say that there is no one else involved.

IF we were to split up, where would we sit financially?

When she sold her house she banked about £30K. She moved in with me about 3 1/2 years ago and pays me £300 pcm and about 80% of the food bills. All oour financies are otherwise seperate and the house we live in is my own with a mortgage.

I wouldnt want her to leave and be struggling and would want to pay my share of maintenance. She works 4 full days a week, the child goes to nursery 2 days a week, which we both go halves on, and hes looked after by either the gf or family the rest of the time.

I was thinking of giving her a lump sum, but how much? Would it be fair to give her 50% of what the propery value has risen by? plus extra?

One thing which does bother me is that she is terrible with money. she'll just give it away to friends and family if they ask, and she has done. So I dont know how much of the 30K that she has banked from her house sale she has left.

Thanks

BIB: Somebody who actually knows will be along in a minute, but I'd be willing to bet that since there is a child involved whether your finances are joint or 'separate' and how much you each pay for bills etc. is irrelevant. You will be both considered to be paying money and time into the family on an equal basis and even if she didn't earn a penny this would be the case.

That said, I don't know where you stand on money/equity brought into the relationship.

Regardless of whatever lump sum you do or don't hand over, you will have to pay 15% of your net income to her in child support, I believe.

RAS

If you are not married then the legal basic is 12% of your gross salary in child maintenance (CMS).

If you are married then the rules are very different.

fresh_start

cakeforbrains wrote: »

That said, I don't know where you stand on money/equity brought into the relationship.

Our money is separate, the money got from her house sale she banked, and the house is in my name. She hasnt put any of her money into the house/mortgage directly. Only has paid me "rent" each month

fresh_start

We arent married but the CMS isnt an issue for me at the moment, I'd pay that anyway.

More concerned about her and our childs well being.

RAS

fresh_start wrote: »

We arent married but the CMS isnt an issue for me at the moment, I'd pay that anyway.

More concerned about her and our childs well being.

Would her salary enable her to pay a mortgage? And does she have any of the equity left towards a deposit?

If not, could you fund the cost of a deposit and first month's rent on a house for her an little one to move into?

19lottie82

As I think you know already, if she is that bad with money, there is no point in handing over a large sum of cash. You want to provide for your child and make sure they have a home, not enable her to give hand outs to others.

RAS

Oh.........

Do NOT agree to act as a guarantor on any rental agreement because that makes you liable for the whole rent pretty much permanently if she fails to pay.

However you could offer to top-up the rent so she can afford somwhere a bit nicer than she would get with LHA. Make sure it is extra maintenance to the child not to her as maintenance to her would affect her access to WTC/CTC and LHA.

fresh_start

How about a lump sum though? I feel she's entitled to something. She's contributed and helped towards my mortgage by paying rent, the house value has increased.

Surely i should give her something as well?