Insert witty title here

Bobarella

Ollie -what happened with your au pair family? That's terrible surely they can't just do that?

Olliegami

It's a pretty long story, but we got into an argument about something, and I ended up having a panic attack. Which isn't new for me, but they didn't really understand it, and then they made it worse by shouting and yelling in my face whilst I was trying to calm down.

It wasn't an experience I'll be repeating again, that's for sure - never going down the au pair path again. I wasn't completely to blame, but the fact that they just kicked me out like that without notice says a lot about the type of people they are.

I guess that can do it, technically. I only had a verbal contract from them, I was lucky in the end that they paid up at all.

Bobarella

What kind of people just kick some out though? And the fact you were obviously in distress for whatever reason. Stinks! I'm so sorry.

Olliegami

I have no idea. It's a shame, but I think I'm over the upset it caused. I just forgot a lot of stuff, so I hope I can get in touch and get them to post it on to me.

Thanks for your thoughts though! I really appreciate it. =D

As for now, I'm still in Melbourne. Trying not to spend money and failing miserably at it! I seriously need to find myself a job so that I can get into a routine again. It's too easy to say 'yes' when people ask if I wanna go out and grab something to eat!! Also very hard not to give money to some of the AMAZING buskers around here. Or to buy a coffee. Or to buy stuff from all these cute shops!!!



Some positive stuff though, I have several Fountain of Youth codes for you!

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Bobarella

Hang in there Ollie. It is hard when you aren't in a routine I agree.

Olliegami

I'm here to rant.

First and foremost, I am an idiot. Class A.

Despite knowing that money was going to be tight I have been spending it like some kind of millionaire. I have some serious reigning in to do, and it needs to start five months ago.

People have told me that they're proud of the fact that I went off on holiday with the money I got from being made redundant, and most of the time I think I can say yes. I don't regret it.

Today is just not a good day though. I feel terribly depressed. I know I'm being overly anxious about everything today, sure that people are talking about me, that I've never been good at the job I used to do, that I'll never amount to anything and on and on and on.

What's done is done, that's my mantra and I think as helpful as it is, it's also pretty destructive. Thinking that things will be fine if I think about them tomorrow just does not help.

So it's like this - I have enough money to cover two months of bills in my UK current account thanks to family and friends giving me early birthday gifts. I have $170 to last until I get myself a job and get paid, which is going to be a little tricky, as I have nothing yet. I really need to get on top of my life.

Tonight is going to be an all nighter. It's going to be tough, I know. I tried the last two nights, because I wasn't waking up until about 2pm, but I gave up. Tonight I am armed with Pepsi Max. That usually does the trick.

There's about £400 I can spend on credit cards (I know I shouldn't even be considering them!!) but to know that the money is there is a bit of a relief. That's about AU$800 which is pretty comfortable? I'm paying about $180 a week to stay here at the hostel, I just really need to reel in the money expenditure. It doesn't help that all the dry food I bought and left in the kitchen here has gone missing. I brought it up with the staff, explained what happened and they've done all they can without looking back at CCTV footage, which... is fair enough I suppose.

So... yeah. I'm back on the money making front big style. Not that I think Gifthulk and surveys are going to be terribly helpful, short term.

I'm still working on my novel... but again, it doesn't look like it's going to be in any state to be published, even online for a while yet.

Olliegami

I just needed a little more motivation today, so here we go:

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Bobarella

Hi Ollie
Why do you have to do an all nighter sorry?
Bob

Olliegami

Hey Bob,

It was my own fault really. I'd managed to mess my sleeping schedule up. I was staying up until 3/4am and then wondering why I wasn't waking up until about 2pm!! It kinda happens sometimes - and I partially blame the depression. It's a self-harm type thing I suppose?

Anyway! I have some really fabulous news, and that's that I have a job!

I work for an agency who supply teaching assistants to local schools. I've only put down for working for special needs schools, but I just wouldn't feel comfortable working in mainstream. I've learned the hard way that I struggle with 'neuro-typical' children.

I started work on Friday after an interview on Thursday, which was great. If I can manage to work full-time for just a few weeks I can start building up my bank balance back home which is really important.

To top it off, someone here at the hostel is going away for a few weeks and has asked if I would like to rent out her room for that time - at a cheaper rate than the hostel. Having a place to call 'home' for a while will really help me to focus on things like budgeting, which I really do need to focus on.

Desperately! At the moment it's nothing to spend money on food - and I get completely flummoxed by the exchange rate sometimes. I paid just under $10 for two sushi rolls and a bottle of coke. Which was only £5, but I'm struggling to decide it that was worth it or not. x.o

I really need to start meal planning and focusing on buying my own food in. There's an Aldi not too far away that I can get transport to on the Free Trams here. So I know it's possible, it's just a case of committing to it. I find it pretty amusing that this is the same time that I've decided to go gluten free again after struggling with tummy troubles, so I think at some point I'll try to be more proactive toward weight loss.

I just don't want to break under all the pressure I'm putting myself under - but even if I just decide to work for a month like this - then cool it off for a few weeks, then back on?? We'll see how things go!

Thanks everyone. xxx

Olliegami

I'm back! Back again and with some kind of vengeance!

I think?

Things have been incredibly up and down for me, and mostly this might just be a ranting post - so I apologise in advance.

Despite how sort of not responsible it was of me to jump on the first plane out of the UK just under a year ago and get myself away from the country I've found that this has been one of the best life lessons for a lot of reasons.

I've had my fair share of experiences, good and bad, as well as a diagnosis that I feel 'fits' me perfectly that I really don't think I would have been given for several years and a lot of pushing on my part if I'd been in the UK.

So right now, I'm dealing with BPD, returning to the UK, and debt busting. It's going to be a LONG journey, and I'm not even getting kick started yet. I'm determined though. That feels very empowering and positive, and it'll do for me.