Babies

System

There are so many factors to consider in making the decision if or when to have a child. You are wise to try and get rid of your debt first, because it will be one less thing to worry about when you have a new baby. Also it may enable you to stay home longer with your baby (if that is what you want to do) rather than feeling the need to go back to work before you are ready, due to financial pressures.

Bangton

Well, I fell pregnant accidentally after 12 years with my partner. I was 29, him 30. We're not broke but nor are we rolling in it. We live in a 2 bed house, which is lovely but not massive. We both work in reasonably paid jobs but neither are really doing something we totally want to do although we are happy enough.

honestly I wouldn't have had tried for a baby for a while. I'd started to hear my clock ticking and reasoned I'd just have to have a baby at 35 when I've done all I want to do as in no way shape or form did I feel our lifestyle was right for a baby. I wanted to earn more/ have a bigger house/ be in a job doing something I really wanted to do etc etc

Then I got pregnant.

Best thing that has ever happened to us. Our son is 8 months now and he's just totally awesome.

life has changed and he costs a fair bit but I'd rather have to count every penny than not have him. I think the age old ' no times the right time' is true.

The sleepless nights are killer though so you definitely want to do it at a time you can afford to be off work! I'm still up in the night. .8 months and counting. .: )

Air_Cooled_75

We were married for 13 years and I unexpectedly got pregnant! Husband had lost his mum, I lost my job, we bought a house, started a new job...

I was convinced I had something very wrong with me...

Dating scan was at 16 weeks, 2 weeks after finding out I was pregnant. I was 37 and never wanted kids.

Was actually better off for a while, no stopping off at the shop after work for wine I think you make do. It's been over 4 years since I stopped paid work so we're only on one wage and no benefits (apart from family allowance) we do ok but there won't be a holiday this year.

Either plan for it and save a bit or just don't think about it and wing it, you never know what might happen

lilmissreading

Some people are never ready. We weren't and we afertilityw 21 weeks pg with our first and are equally excited daunted at 34 and 35 years old. Dh will be starting teacher training next year so promises to be interesting financially and emotionally.

I was also aware that if there were going to be fertility probs i wanted to know in time to pursue any solutions or treatment. You just never know till you try

*Diva*

I was in the EXACT same position! Didnt know if and when we could afford it as I live a verryyy luxurious lifestyle and didnt think i was prepared to give it up! Anyhoo I went on holiday and come back ill!! applied for a new job (got it) began studying to become a financial advisor and at about 5months pregnant i find out im pregnant!! eeekkk!! (I KNOW HOW RIDICULOUS!!) Qualified for the job and a month later off i go on maternity!! I had a smallish credit card bill of £1000 paid it off in a month stopped spending and now ive got a 4month old baby and no amount of words or books or tv shows can prepare u for this AMAZING FEELING!! u automatically stop overspending and u reassess what u WANT and what u actually NEED!! everything is focussed on ur lil bubba!
If u keep worrying about if u can ever afford it, it will NEVER HAPPEN! and its true it costs money however it depends on how much u want to spend. ALL OF MY BABIES outfits were given to us and she is done untill shes 2years old!! most of her crib/cot/bouncer etc were presents and i just buy as and when she needs things..
and just found out im PREGNANT AGAIN!!! were both 25 and with another baby on the way its going to mentally draining but financially we should be ok as we have most of the basic items!!


so good luck and remember its not about the fancy labels and designer items its all about showing that child love and affection clean clothes and a full tummy!

Brightspark87

hi all thanks for this. I love hearing your stories its so lovely to hear how little 'accidents' can actually be the best thing ever. I honestly think we would be very happy to have one ourselves!

I think until I am up and debt free at least, it would be wise to wait. I should still be the south end of 30 and hopefully earning more so we will have savings...

But keep the stories rolling in I am enjoying them!

jaylee3

Good luck Bright Spark, and I am sure you will know when the right time is.

Anatidaephobia

I don't have the answers but I've been thinking about this recently. I'm in my late twenties, been with my partner a long time, settled in a lovely house, financially comfortable, no debts other than the mortgage and a small amount of student loan left.

I had always imagined I would be 31-33 ish when I had kids and am very aware that time flies and I'll be that age before I know it. I'm hesitant to make a life changing decision without being completely sure that the time is right, yet I know there is no such thing as the perfect time. We're not party people but we do enjoy our freedom and we like to travel regularly. I don't know if I'm ready to say goodbye to this part of my life yet, then I start to feel like perhaps I'm not enjoying my life enough atm and that I need to get the most out of this before it ends - I kinda imagine having kids as one chapter ending and another beginning.

On the other hand, I see people having kids and I see how their lives change, I see how other things don't matter to them as much and that many of my worries become irrelevant for them, I see how much they enjoy having a child; it seems to bring so much happiness into their lives. The sooner I have a child, the longer I will get to know them, and if having a child is going to be one of the most amazing things that happens to me then surely it follows that I shouldn't put it off much longer? I suppose the fact that I'm hesitant to make the decision suggests I'm not ready or the time is not right for me... yet I worry that I will end up waiting too long for the time to "feel right" that I'll get fussy about it being "perfect" and I'll end up missing the boat.

I don't have advice, I can only empathise.

JessicaWright

There's no right time, everybody's different and it depends on a million things. Of course, not every woman (or man) wants a 'career': many people 'work to live' and get a job simply to pay the bills or because, what they do for living just isn't that important to them. That's their choice. Many women (and men) also choose to be stay-at-home mothers or fathers, because that's what they see as the most important thing for them. Good for them.

cakeforbrains

I don't think it's so much about the 'right time' as the 'right person'.

I had two babies in my very early twenties with the wrong man, and one at 29 with the right man. Nothing will strain your relationship as much as bringing a child into it, especially in those first couple of years.

I'm not saying that the money, career, housing etc. don't matter, because they do, but you can have it all set and it still won't be the right time if you're with the wrong person.