Pocket money question - who pays?

Spendless

I know there's been numerous threads about how much pocket money to give kids, but having recently decided to sort it out with our 2 children and giving examples of what we were prepared to pay for in addition and what would be down to them, my daughter came up with a question where I'm unsure.

I said that we would pay for school bus fares and meals. All school uniform, clothing that was needed.

They were responsible for wanted clothing, and social excursions with friends. Daughter then asked me if her best friend was staying overnight and they decided they'd like to go ice skating, previously I'd pay for both. Daughter said in those circs would she now be expected to pay just for herself or for herself and her friend? The friend lives with her mum who is out of work so has little income, which is why I've never minded funding trips before.

I don't know what my answer should be, do I say I'll carry on as before, tell daughter she has to pay for both out of her income or just pay for friend?

sulkisu

Spendless wrote: »

I know there's been numerous threads about how much pocket money to give kids, but having recently decided to sort it out with our 2 children and giving examples of what we were prepared to pay for in addition and what would be down to them, my daughter came up with a question where I'm unsure.

I said that we would pay for school bus fares and meals. All school uniform, clothing that was needed.

They were responsible for wanted clothing, and social excursions with friends. Daughter then asked me if her best friend was staying overnight and they decided they'd like to go ice skating, previously I'd pay for both. Daughter said in those circs would she now be expected to pay just for herself or for herself and her friend? The friend lives with her mum who is out of work so has little income, which is why I've never minded funding trips before.

I don't know what my answer should be, do I say I'll carry on as before, tell daughter she has to pay for both out of her income or just pay for friend?

TBH, if your daughter's friend is coming over for a sleepover and her family cannot afford expensive activities, then I think that your daughter should arrange to do things which are free or which they can both afford.
As a parent I would find it awkward and embarassing if my child's friends parents had to fork out extra money every time they stayed there. Might be a bit embarassing for the friend as well.

peachyprice

Hmm, difficult one.

I wouldn't expect my daughter to pay for her friend, I would normally expect the friend to pay for herself, but that's a bit difficult in this instance. Being the big softie I am I would probably pay for both of them, but only if it a trip with this particular friend, all other friends they pay themselves.

74jax

I pay for my daughter and her friend/boyfriend whenever we all do something together.

I think it stems from my dad who won't let me put my hand in my pocket now when I visit. If we go out he pays for everyone - my daughter, me and my husband. It's always been like that and I guess I must have picked it up from him.

balletshoes

I would be thinking along the lines of sulkisu above ~ if its not organised enough in advance that your daughters friend can afford to go ice skating then you dont go when she,s on a sleepover at yours.

My DD has a budget, she pays for her own days out with her friends and i may offer to take them/collect them but they each pay their own entry etc.

Mojisola

Spendless wrote: »

I know there's been numerous threads about how much pocket money to give kids, but having recently decided to sort it out with our 2 children and giving examples of what we were prepared to pay for in addition and what would be down to them, my daughter came up with a question where I'm unsure.

I don't know what my answer should be, do I say I'll carry on as before, tell daughter she has to pay for both out of her income or just pay for friend?

How much money are you planning to give them? What's a realistic expectation with that amount of money?

If an adult was working and had a friend who didn't have as much money, wouldn't they chose to do things that didn't cost very much or were free?

If you feel you want to help the other girl, perhaps offer to pay for them both to have a set number of outings a year.

monty-doggy

Personally I think it's lovely that her friend can enjoy times out with your daughter, because not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to afford days out.
I would tell my daughter if she pays for her friend out of her money, I'll pay for my daughter. On the condition it's not every week and is just a treat!

PasturesNew

I'd expect the friend to be paying for herself to go ice skating - and if the friend can't afford that then the activity has to be changed.

If this is an issue, then look at how many times per year this is likely to occur (say twice) and find out how much it'll cost, then set the date MONTHS in advance and have a word with the friend's mother to say "X would like to go ice skating in 3 months' time - and your daughter would like to come too. That'll cost £xxx - so I thought I'd give you the heads up so you can start saving and not be surprised"..... obviously wording needs a bit of a look at there!

If you can't afford it, don't feel pressurised. These expensive/luxury activities need to be either pre-planned or forgotten.

tillyenna

I would take this as an opportunity to talk to your daughter about how she can afford things that other people can't, and maybe it will provoke conversation, and lead her to think of doing other things.


My parents were reasonably well off, and chose to send us to public school, meaning that some of the kids we socialised with had a LOT of pocket money (I recall one girl in my class got a £200 p/m book allowance on top of her regular allowance!) - I'd often feel pressured into doing things I couldn't really afford out of my allowance, and it took a long time at university for me to learn that the phrase 'no, I can't afford it' is an acceptable excuse for not doing something - perhaps you can make your daughter a little bit more socially aware than my classmates were!

chocdonuty

It does also depend on whether dd is an only child or not, I'm sure that dd reckons that days out are no fun with just mum lol so therefore a friend is needed and obviously the costs added to.
Personally I'd pay for the trip out - travel, entry and skate hire and then ask the other parent for drinks and food money.
This is how I generally do it, if we invite kids out then we pay and just ask for parents to pay for food ect.
Try and get ice skating with a deal or something so it becomes cheaper too

Person_one

I think its really nice of you to pay for this friend to do things that without your generosity she might otherwise never get to do. She'll probably remember that all her life.