Pocket money question - who pays?

balletshoes

its a grey area, I agree OP.
My DD is an only, if she has her bestie (see how hip and trendy I am :rotfl::rotfl:) at ours for a sleepover I might treat them both to a meal out, but thats at my suggestion, so I'd pay for all of us. If I get absolute bargains for trips out, cinema etc, I will suggest to DD that I'll pay for both of them to go (I'm talking £1 cinema tix here).

If you're happy for the ice skating to continue at the sleepovers OP, then I'd compromise with your DD and say she pays for her ticket, and you'll pay for her friend.

Spendless

Thanks for the responses - what a mixed bag of them.:D I was expecting a bias towards one solution so I didn't have to think.:rotfl:

My DD is not an only child, she has an older brother. His friends are in diff circs so would always pay for themselves. That's part of what I wasn't sure of, if I was to fund DD and mate, it's unfair on son who is expecting to pay for himself, but then it's unfair on DD if she's funding 2x and her brother isn't and it seemed a bit mean to me to tell dd I'd pay for her mate but not her.:cool:

The sleepovers happen around every 6-7 weeks approx, friend doesn't fetch any money with her to them, so if it's been decided to go ice skating/swimming each time I've paid. Tbf I don't send my DD with money when she goes to sleepovers either, but they aren't going to go to any paid activities due to the family's circs. Friends mum isn't out of work through lack of trying, until very recently she was a carer for an elderly relative, she has a very small part time job earning only the permitted amount as a single parent- yes all above board, as it's for a LA - she's not working cash in hand on the sly, and does voluntary work in the hope it will lead to paid work in her chosen field.

DD is well aware of the discrepency between our family and her friends,she mentions it fairly often to me after she's visited her friend, hence her mentioning the question I've posed when I told her of our new pocket money regime.

I think based on the answers I've got I'm thinking of a doing a multi -pronged solution. A quick google of our towns ice skating sessions gives various prices depending on what session you attend, though there's only 50p price difference, some of them include skate hire, saving £2 per person. I will tell DD if she wants to go skating she needs to look at the cheapest option and then I'll say that she is to pay out of her money, but I will re-imburse DD for her own fee as she is doing something kind.

GobbledyGook

I think in those circumstances I'd give a "here's something towards the skating/food/movie/swimming girls" type thing. So your DD will know she's not footing the whole bill, because as you say it is a kind thing to do, but let her foot a little of it so that it makes her think about the activity they choose to do.

Spendless

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I think in those circumstances I'd give a "here's something towards the skating/food/movie/swimming girls" type thing. So your DD will know she's not footing the whole bill, because as you say it is a kind thing to do, but let her foot a little of it so that it makes her think about the activity they choose to do.

Also an option to consider I hadn't thought of. I could say I will contribute £x anything over and above is down to you to fund out of your money.

I'm trying to avoid expensive excursions being made cos 'mum pays if mate is with me'. Our kids learning to plan and budget is amongst the reasons we're fetching the new regime in.

GobbledyGook

Spendless wrote: »

Also an option to consider I hadn't thought of. I could say I will contribute £x anything over and above is down to you to fund out of your money.

I'm trying to avoid expensive excursions being made cos 'mum pays if mate is with me'. Our kids learning to plan and budget is amongst the reasons we're fetching the new regime in.

I think that would work if you set an amount as well, so if your DD knows that you'll give her £5/£10/whatever when they have a sleepover it'll cost her X for ice skating and Y for swimming.

I took a similar tactic with DD1's birthday party. She wanted to have a party at her horse riding place, then changed it to laser quest and then back again. So I decided on a budget and that way she could see that she could invite x children to the horse riding and y children to the laser place. It helped focus her mind on what mattered more to her.

nzmegs

I would also help out with the money when a friend is over. However, i would ensure it is fair with your other child too. So if daughter gets £5 extra when her friend is over son should get the equivalent amount when his friend is over.

rach_k

I'd do it on a case by case basis, assuming you know the friend's family well enough. If they obviously do have enough money to pay for it but haven't sent any along, I'd tell my child to choose something free instead because you can't afford to pay for everybody. Next time, if the friend wants to go skating perhaps she'll think to bring her own spends.

If you know the family can't afford it, I'd ask my child to pay for her own entry but give her some money to pay for her friend, as long as you can afford it and it's not all the time. The same can apply to your son - if his friends can afford to pay and just don't bother, don't give anything. If they can't, offer to pay for the friend.

Seanymph

Case by case basis - are you going? If you are going then pay - your invite, you going.

If you aren't going then up to daughter to sort with friend.

theoretica

You might also want to think about which activities you want to encourage and which maybe not. I feel that swimming and skating are healthy and more worth supporting than movies or pizza.

Spendless

Seanymph wrote: »

Case by case basis - are you going? If you are going then pay - your invite, you going.

If you aren't going then up to daughter to sort with friend.

At the minute I take them there as the girls though they are 11 are in yr6 and have yet to travel independently anywhere. We live in a large town and we are 5 miles from the town centre. Any leisure activities are 2 bus rides away.