changing name and ex getting re married

mumofthetwins

hi guys im new to this forum (normally an old styler )

I would really appreciate some advice if possible ..

me and ex split up 2 years ago, the boys (11,11) took it really hard as it just came out of the blue that ex wanted to leave and he never bothered with them for the first 2-3 months after ...
well about 18 month ago ex moved in with his girlfriend (he worked away with her most weeks while we were married - should have really known :mad:) and the boys were okish with it (but there was still a lot of resentment) but she never stays in the house if they are their .. she even sleeps out the odd time they stay over.
well last weekend my ex told me hes getting re married at the beginning of next year and hes going to tell the boys .. ive told him to tackle it carefully and think about the way he tells them as im not sure how they will take it as they really resented him when he first left and it was bloomin me that had to get them to give him and his new girlfriend a chance (very hard to be nice about people you don't really like but hey ho)

does anyone have any expeiance of this sort of thing ... when I told him to be careful how he tells them he suggested that I should tell them ... I said no :eek: is there anything I can do to make it easier on them ??

I have now met someone else (been together just over a year) .. boys seem to like him and actually see more of him than there dad, although we don't live together as he has a little boy too we normally try to fit some brady bunch time in most weekends some weekend they stay over and although ots a little crowded its nice to see everyone happy ... it seems to be working well !!
Boys even keep asking if hes moving in cos they would like it but we haven't got plans for that just yet ... although I am in the process of saving for an extension

other thing is has anyone changed there name back to maiden name ? as ex is now remarrying I think its about time ... ive only kept my married name as its the surname the boys have and I wasn't sure how much trouble it would be to change ???

I get along okish with ex ... I don't like the way he has treat the boys in the past but he does seem to be getting a little better .. he now sees them at least one weekend a month ... me and new BF are really happy (haven't even argued ... yet :T)

lisa x

Beckyy

RE: Maiden name. I think it's totally personal decision. The same goes for your boys, they may want to change their surnames to your maiden name too, or be double-barrel so they have the same surname as you still.

With the new step-mum I would just carry on doing what you're doing. It seems like you're being really decent considering the situation - it's his news to tell and I don't think he should pass the buck to you. Could his new wife to be maybe spend some quality time with them?

mumofthetwins

thanks becky ... I have mentioned to him that they will need to get to know her a bit more but sometimes its like knocking on wood

I want to change my name now but i'm just worried about how they are going to take it ... I might suggest going double barrelled i just don't know wether to wait until after he has told them and how long to wait ??
i just don't want to hurt them more by me being selfish wanting to change my name ...

its bloomin hard and its not even me getting married (not that i would be that silly again )

ShirePiskie

Hi mumofthetwins

I changed my name back to my maiden name after my divorce was finalised (it is possible to do it before, but I figured it was one less bit of paper to deal with during the divorce as I did a DIY one).

When I remarried last year, I wanted to go to the wedding with MY name, not my ex's, if that makes any kind of sense? In fact I've kept my name as I spent most of my adult life with someone else's, I want to be ME again.

It is very easy to do and you can do it for free. I downloaded a sample 'declaration' saying I revoked use of my own name and was using my new one from that date forward and got two witness to sign it and about 5 copies.

This was accepted by my bank, the DVLA and the registrar office when I remarried, so is all perfectly in order. There are websites that will charge you, but there is no need to pay.

As for handling it with your boys, that's very individual, but if you explain it's a decision that will make you happy, am sure they'll be ok in the long run. As for not all having matching surnames, it's not at all uncommon these days (crikey, I sound like my gran).

ShirePiskie

http://www.freedeedpoll.org.uk/

This might be useful, it's what I used. You can get one that you get witnessed by a solicitors, which I think you pay around £30 to the solicitor for, but no one I informed about my change of name requested that.

TBagpuss

You don't need a deed poll to change back to your maiden name. Passport agency simply require sight of your Decree Absolute and birth certificate,and most banks etc are the same. If yours isn't, you may find it is simpler to change your passport and then use the passport as proof of ID to open a new bank account and close the old one, rather than arguing with the bank about what they want!

If you do wish to do a Statutory Declaration to change your name, then provided that you have drawn this up, you can declare it in front of a solicitor for £5 or at any court for free (Court staff are authorised to administer oaths and stat. decs.)

It is sensible to get several copies made and certified so that you can send copies, rather than the original, to other organisations.

Be aware that you cannot change your sons' surnames unless their father agrees, nor can you add your name to make theirs double-barrelled. they would be able to change their names when they turn 16, if one parent is willing to counter-sign any change of name deed, but not sooner.

hollibobs_2

Hi...

My ex walked out on me about 5yrs ago, was myself and my two girls aged 10 and 6 at the time.

I never changed my name back to my maiden name as to be honest it was such a hassle to change all my bank details etc etc plus the girls would of had a different surname to mine which they did not want.

I recently got married again, and my girls did not want to change their name to my new married name which was fine with me.

As far as getting the boys to like the new girlfriend.. Kids are a great judge of character and can make up their own minds really well, I wouldn't personally go busting a gut ...