Any advice on getting little brothers to like each other ? :)

z.n

All perfectly normal. DS was thrilled with DD until he realised she needed quite a bit of attention and that she was here to stay. Sibling rivalry aside I think they love each other (15 and 13 now.)

bossymoo

I have 19 months between my two, boy and girl. My eldest quite liked his sister when she was an audience, however at about 8months she would crawl around, pick things up, sit on his railway, you get the picture. This, he did not enjoy. Until then she was his accessory. All of a sudden he has to deal with her demands, lol.

He would shove her for no reason - even if she was away from him, with her back to him. There have been many incidents over the years.

They are now 5 and 3.5 and on the whole they play well together. They get fed up with each other sometimes and I try to show them if they are feeling cross they can go have some time apart. They have their own rooms (and still get sent to them occasionally!) and we have plenty of play space.

When DS was 2 I would praise him for being kind to her - giving her toys or helping her, and if I saw him pushing or anything, he would get time out and she would get a cuddle. I did try to have time alone with him but its hard when youngest is a baby.

I still make a point now to say how nicely they are playing, just to reinforce what I feel is good behaviour.

But thinking back to how my older brother was, it will really last until one of them leaves home :rotfl:

Person_one

If you were a two year old would you want to play with an 8 month old? What's the 8 old month old got to offer? They're no fun, they don't understand the rules/structure of the game and they tend to mess things up or move them around randomly!

You've had some really good advice from more experienced people, so I'll just say manage your own expectations and try to see things from the eldest's perspective a bit more. I'm sure that when they're 2 and 4 or 3 and 5 they'll be happily pushing cars around together or covering your furniture in fingerpaint.

Mrs_Soup

I think they are a bit young to be doing any real interacting. Even your older one at 2 will have no concept of playing "with" someone else- they only really start that about 3, before that they may just play alongside one another. Other than odd occasions of eg older one pulling litle one round in a box for bit or similar mine didn't really play together until about 3 and 5.5 respectively. Yours are quite close in age so in time they should have similar abilities etc but there is a world of diffference between a 2 year old and an 8 month old.

meritaten

your oldest is at the 'clingy' stage anyway. and he is a bit young to be 'playing' with the baby anyway. he is still a baby himself! my boys were just over three years apart and the oldest one took no interest in the youngest whatsoever. and they fought like cat and dog when kids (they still do), but let an 'outsider' pick on one of them and the other would immediately jump in to defend him!
just be as vigilant as you would if leaving the baby with a dog or cat - and give the oldest MORE time and attention.
I remember when I had the youngest the older boy looked so much bigger and more grown up ............I had to remind my self he was only a toddler really and to be patient with him - they did have an older sister by another 3 years who 'mothered' the two of them.

[Deleted User]

I have a 15 month gap and my experience can make me relate to you.

DD has always been more into DS. She will always tend to give in more to appease him and keep the game going.

Neither can remember a time when there wasn't the other.

What I have always maintained right from the start is to treat others as you wish to be treated. Right from throwing a toy, to cheating at a game or taking the bigger half of something openly in front of another etc.

Even now if one leaves the room to take their cup the kitchen, it's suggested that they look around to see what else might go out.

At 2 your eldest is still too young to understand anyone's needs before theirs. But if you keep reinforcing examples of feelings and suggesting how things could be done....ie rather than sit in baby, I hv another arm free for you right here.show the baby how we cuddle etc....

Show your 2year old the behaviour you want to see, model the behaviour, role play it and you be the baby with the 2 year old.... See how it goes. Identify age appropriate feelings and help your eldest learn empathy.

Just ideas .....

[Deleted User]

Just to add my DD is much more accommodating than my DS. she is more prone to thinking of others, treating fairly and generally more forward thinking.

I'm still unsure if this relates to gender, age, pecking order or personality.

[Deleted User]

And I lastly have to add that I love them equally, for their differences and similarities.

dizziblonde

Give it time - with 11 months between my two at that point little sister was still just something that got in the way of big sister's plans and not very interesting at all... couple more months and they started to play alongside each other - and now my youngest is frantically coping the eldest mixing up play food in saucepans in the play kitchen. OK so the head chef appears to have the temper and tolerance threshold of Gordon Ramsey with regards to the trainee but still...

Cissi

One thing that might work is to give DS1 a baby doll to look after - most 2-year-old boys love this just as much as girls do. It doesn't have to be an expensive one that cries etc (especially as they often break) - but one that comes with a plastic bottle, dummy etc. Oh and a little buggy of his own which he can toddle around with! Have DS1 right next to you when you're feeding DS2, cuddling him, changing him etc, and encourage DS1 to do the same with "his" baby. Then when he gets a little older he can help you with his brother, which will make him feel important and grown-up - even if it's just fetching things etc.

I also agree that it's important to give DS1 lots of cuddles, read to him and generally "baby" him of course. But giving him a different role as well will hopefully help him see his brother as something positive, not a threat.