Any advice on getting little brothers to like each other ? :)

Kayalana99

Bit random but I have a near two year old and a 8 month old, mostly DS1 has completely ignored DS2(just not been interested) but over the last couple weeks I have noticed the spark of jealously and he is becoming more and more clingy to me...i.e if DS2 is sat on my knee he will climb up and try and sit where DS2 is (yes on top of him lol) and yesterday he started giving him a dirty look and came up and whacked him one...

I know it's still early days but I was wondering if any parents had much advice on how to tackle it?

Oh just to add DS2 adores DS1 ...he watches him around the room and his face lights up when he gets close lol :-)

Carl31

Make sure you give dedicated attention to the older sibling. The problem is your focus has moved from DS1 to DS2, mainly as he needs the more attention

I saw the same problem between my step daughters, and its never really got that much better, they still fight like cat and dog, but i think thats just sibling rivalry

duchy

Does DS1 still have one to one time with you (when DS2 is napping or gone to bed etc). Could you maybe have special "big boy" outings just the two of you occasionally. He's used to being the centre of your world and now he has to share (and maybe some activities aren't so easy to schedule with a baby along) - Can't blame him for having the good taste to want you to himself

summerspring

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Bit random but I have a near two year old and a 8 month old, mostly DS1 has completely ignored DS2(just not been interested) but over the last couple weeks I have noticed the spark of jealously and he is becoming more and more clingy to me...i.e if DS2 is sat on my knee he will climb up and try and sit where DS2 is (yes on top of him lol) and yesterday he started giving him a dirty look and came up and whacked him one...

I know it's still early days but I was wondering if any parents had much advice on how to tackle it?

Oh just to add DS2 adores DS1 ...he watches him around the room and his face lights up when he gets close lol :-)

Sounds perfectly normal, OP Brotherly love I think it's called.

The two boys are competing for mum's attention. You'll need to be vigilant and get stern with him for whacking the little one, but give it a year or two and the youngest will give as good as he gets, lol.

JimmyTheWig

I agree with what's been said so far. It's all about attention. The more you can do with DS1, with or without DS2, the better.

A lot of your time and energy will have been taken up by the new baby. This baby is now turning into a little boy. But DS1 has always been the little boy of the family. He is probably wondering where he will fit in now?

So give DS1 as much time and attention as you (and your partner?) can. Also it might be a good time to introduce new, "grown up" activities for DS1. Now he's getting bigger he can do more and better things. You can tell him that DS2 is too little for <whatever you choose to do with DS1> and that this is just for bigger boys.

You probably often tell DS1 that he will have to wait for something because you are dealing with DS2. When you then do something for DS1 you probably don't say the same thing to DS2 as he is just a baby. Whether or not DS2 understands you, tell him that he will have to wait until you are finished with DS1 from time to time. DS1 will hear that and realise that things are equal between them.

What activities can they do together? For example, can you read them a story together? Would DS2 enjoy watching you and DS1 do pat-a-cake? Can DS1 play peek-a-boo with DS2?

If you and DS2 go shopping, can you buy a little treat for DS1 from DS2? "From the way DS2 was looking at this car, I think he thought you'd really like it, so we bought it for you." Then maybe he can show DS2 how he plays with it.

Kynthia

I've no personal experience but I see how my sister and mum try to handle issues between my niece and nephew. Try to ensure you spend time alone with DS1, perhaps have someone look after DS2 and take DS1 out on a fun day or have a regular activity that is just something for the two of you. Try to avoid always using negative language to DS1 when he's around his brother, such as 'don't do that' and say positive and encouraging things about how he's interacted with him such as 'DS2 loved when you played ball with him' and 'well done for sharing your toy' to create positive associations. When at home have play time split into something DS1 wants to do all together, something DS2 will want to do together, as well as separate play. As well as DS1 getting to do what he likes sometimes it might help DS1 get used to playing with DS2 and seeing him as fun. Also as he gets older, talk to DS1 about what being a big brother is like and how much fun they'll have together when DS2 is older.

Kayalana99

Thanks :-) Not sure if DS1 is behind on his development or not but he lacks understanding as yet. (I don't know anyone with a child of a similar age to compare but he is improving on his words)

Tbh I don't really get any one on one time with DS1 without DS2 being their whether or not asleep etc...but if we go out to the park etc DS2 is quite good and quiet in the bottom of his pram and DS1 doesn't notice him as yet so I guess its practically one on one time.

Although a lot of good advice for when he is a bit older, I am wondering if their is a way to get them to interact with each other more then anything? As DS1 ignores him only when he has something he wants i.e dummy / bottle so he is only seeing him as a threat I guess...where I want him to see him as a play mate?

Humm

summerspring

Kayalana99 wrote: »

DS1 ignores him only when he has something he wants i.e dummy / bottle so he is only seeing him as a threat I guess...where I want him to see him as a play mate?

I'm sure they will be playmates when they're older. They are very young at the moment. Babies don't really interact much. My two nephews were much like your 2 boys, but when they got to age 3 and 5 , or 4 and 6 and older they did (and do) play together. There's still a bit of competing and arguing, of course, but they do get along.

JimmyTheWig

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I am wondering if their is a way to get them to interact with each other more then anything? As DS1 ignores him...

I guess at the age that DS2 is, the only real interaction is going to be DS1 doing something and DS2 responding to it.
[E.g. DS1 sitting on DS2 and DS2 crying. But that's not what you're wanting!]
So you're looking for something that DS1 can do that will make DS2 laugh. You could try playing peek-a-boo, dropping a toy, falling over, kissing or tickling DS2's feet, etc. You and DS1 could play the game together - who can make DS2 laugh the most?

trailingspouse

DS1 is unlikely to be playing fully with children his own age yet, let alone with a baby.

When my kids were little, we played 'table top' games with the oldest (so the young 'un couldn't reach), and that worked well. The baby would just crawl around doing baby things under our feet.

Also, let DS1 'play at being a baby' - rock him in your arms, play 'baby' games with him. Really at not quite 2 he still is a baby, although so much bigger than DS2.

WestonDave

At 2 DS1 won't be thinking about playing with anyone else in the sense you mean - he'll be playing and may involve a parent but more so he can watch you playing. He's unlikely to want to "play" with a much smaller child who can't really do anything useful (and for at least the foreseeable future will just be wrecking "his" game!).


As said you do need to find a way to offset the focus of attention DS2 is now getting so that DS1 has his own "mummy time".


It is on the other hand entirely normal for DS2 so see this slightly bigger person as a better "target" to be aiming at than the huge adults because the development goals are that much nearer. So he will see what DS1 is doing as being something he can aim at. That would explain DS2 being entranced by his older brother. There isn't really a corresponding benefit to DS1 as yet.


It will come - my two are now 9 and 7. They will still squabble over games where the younger one won't go along with the older ones "rules" but there are other times when they will play nicely for ages. Have one of them out at say a party leaving the other alone at home and the one at home will wander around like a lost sheep - 10 minutes after they are back together the first argument will kick in! That's just siblings for you!