Right age to have kids?

pollyanna24

Thanks for everyone's replies. I feel in our heads we are ready for children, but it's just unfortunate that our mortgage is big enough to worry us (whose isn't, I know?!). We bought a 3 bed house with the intention of having kids and were talking about kids before we even started going out at 18 years old! Eek! My bf said he wanted kids by the time he was 25 because he didn't want to be an old dad - well, he's now 27, but hey, that's life!

He would make a great dad (prob cos he acts like a big kid himself), but I suppose now is not a good time considering we don't feel we can afford it. The prob is will we ever? We have good enough jobs, but there is no scope for progress for either of us. It's just cos we are in London that we are lucky enough to be earning £56K between us.

We treat our little doggie like a kid though, so maybe that will have to do for now! :rotfl:

rchddap1

I had my first at 30...so you've got plenty of time left. Little one's Dad is 37 and is a complete lunatic...plenty of energy. If something is important to you things will find a way of working themselves out.

Don't worry. Relax. And talk to your partner about it. He might have the same viewpoint. At which point you can both start to talk about how you might manage it.

TheWaltons_3

I had my first at 21 and second and third aged 23. I have loads of energy to look after them and when I am 40 (which is incredibly young really) my eldest will be 19, and the youngest catching up to that.

So I will be able to enjoy life again when they are that age, and will still have plenty of energy to run around after any Grandchildren!

I don't regret having them early.

dfwz

I'm about your age Pollyanna24 and we've got three kids now. We had them early.

The downside:
- Life was hard - no doubt. Money etc...
- Stress of beginning in life as an adult and bringing up kids was more than we expected.
- We lost a lot of opportunity to travel. I travel a lot for work and my OH could have come with me if it wasn't for the kids.

The Upside:
- Kids are awesome, so much fun we've had!
- You learn a lot from them
- We'll still be youngish when our kids are fully grown

My OH and I both agree that we should probably have waited until we were the upper end of 25-30 ideally, but if we had to make the decision again, we'd probably still have chosen to have them when we did! ie.. the sensible decision was not necessarily the right decision.

One thing I would say is, estimate what it's going to cost, then double your estimate. If you find it to hard you can always sell them on Ebay, that's what I threaten ours with anyway! :rotfl:

Either way good luck, it's an adventure. :-)

poppyscorner

Hi there,

Just wondered if you have worked out exactly what your finances would be like on maternity leave and after then might be an idea then you would know if its holding you back or not i.e obviously you will be earning a wage stash everthing that is over and above what you would get in SMP and tax credits and see if you could manage you may well suprise yourself and any money you manage to save can be stashed for if you decide you can go ahead and get pregnant.
Secondly for me I got pregnant 'accidentally' just after my 19th birthday I was shocked and at first pondered the thought of termination people telling me I was stupid too young etc but I didn't terminate my pregnancy I got really excited then I lost her at 31wks. I was completely devastated as were all those who told me to terminate my father included my OH and I stuck together and after that I wanted a baby so desperately I fell pregnant about 12wks after her birth and three weeks before the first anniversary of her death I gave birth to a son I was 20 I adore my son but I think I rushed into the second pregnancy and it caused me no end of problems I had a delayed bereavement reaction and wouldn't touch him for the first 6 months of his life so terrified he would die too. I have just turned 25 last month and gave birth to another son this march he too was unplanned but he is gorgeous and I adore him too. He is sat smiling at me as I type this.
I am glad I have got them young my OH is 32 in October and he definately had less patience this time compared to when we had our first son on which he blames his age my parents were 22 when they had me and they now have a far better social life than me they holiday three times a year and go out together every weekend but they hardly went anywhere when me and my sister were little but then OH's parents are the same had the kids young and his mother is now a right whingebag I think she suffers empty nest syndrome she sits in her bungalow and says she is too old for this that and the other how old do you think she is ?
She has just turned 50 and thinks her life is over so there you have it two very different viewpoints.
I think you should have kids whenever you both feel ready for it but don't bow to any pressure from anyone it has to be right for you or you will only end up resenting your situation.
There isn't a right or wrong age to become a mum and dad imho and kids can make your heart burst with pride as well as break it in two.

Whatever you decide then good luck

Poppy

Bestthingsinlifearefree

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Thanks for everyone's replies. I feel in our heads we are ready for children, but it's just unfortunate that our mortgage is big enough to worry us (whose isn't, I know?!). We bought a 3 bed house with the intention of having kids and were talking about kids before we even started going out at 18 years old! Eek! My bf said he wanted kids by the time he was 25 because he didn't want to be an old dad - well, he's now 27, but hey, that's life!

He would make a great dad (prob cos he acts like a big kid himself), but I suppose now is not a good time considering we don't feel we can afford it. The prob is will we ever? We have good enough jobs, but there is no scope for progress for either of us. It's just cos we are in London that we are lucky enough to be earning £56K between us.

We treat our little doggie like a kid though, so maybe that will have to do for now! :rotfl:

Hi P,

Looking at your signature has your mortgage just shot up from 100K to 180K ?

What about trying to start up a baby fund account i.e squirelling away whatever you can in a separate account which will be used to help pay for things when baby arrives.

If you both want children make it happen.

Go on a debt diet for 12 months no holidays, work over time if possible to take a lodger and save up as much as you can to give you a couple of months mortgage cushion / savings.

Good luck !:beer:

Kimitatsu

There is no such thing as the "right age", you know when you are ready, and you find the money somehow!

I would say that I was almost 28 and almost 30 with the second. I did it that way because I knew I would throw myself into being a mum and I wanted to do some of the things I felt I may not get the chance to do later on (or maybe wouldnt want to).

No one but no one prepares you for being a parent, it is the hardest, toughest, most heartbreaking job in the world, but also IMO the most rewarding and pleasurable. It is also extremely expensive :rotfl: so you do right to be aware of the cost implications.

Have you sat down and talked this through with your OH? It may be that you both decide it can wait a bit, because even if you go back after work, somehow you never get your career back quite to what it was. Or you may decide that you need to start a plan now to try in a set time frame.

Whatever you decide dont be pressured by someone else, its your life.

heather38

i think it's when your clock starts ticking so loud you can't ignore itand when you get your period every month and secretly feel a little sad that you came on and wern't accidentally pregnant.
OH and i were together for 8 years when we got married and i got pregnant 5 months later, for us it was the right time. we were 26 and 27 when we had DD and i was so broody that i felt like i would explode every time i saw a pregnant woman.
if you're not ready then don't do it because you think you should, do it because you 'have to' ie can't wait any longer.
and enjoy practicing for when you do start trying as you'll never get any when you do have them!!

kr15snw

As everyone else has said, there is no such thing as the right time. Its completely when you feel ready.

I personally will be having kids young (if I stay with my current partner) as hes 34 and Im 20. Hence I understand that I will probably be having kids about 24 / 25 so that he isnt too old when they come along (obviously this is if everything goes that way in the end). This is something I have known from day one and Im ok with it

But we have discussed this and have said that we would like me to work full time for a few years (at uni for another 2 years) and then go for a family. This way we will have enough money saved to raise a family, plus we can have a few years of having 2 wages coming in (more money to have fun with!!).

About you earning more than him. Well why doesnt he become a house husband if you decide that one of you will stay at home permanently? My partner would prefer this as he earns 12k a year and I will be earning more than this when fully qualified (if I get a decent job obviously). You dont have to give up work, neither of you do. But if you decide one of you will then why cant he?

squashy

It sounds like you are ready to me. Think what would happened if you accidentally fell pregnant- you would manage! You might have to reassess what your money is spent on but you would do it. That's where this site comes in handy All a baby really needs is love and shelter.

I had my first at 21 and don't regret a thing. Some of my frinds have said "well, we'll just have one more holiday first..." etc and they are still putting it off. I am perfectly ok with older mums but personally I liked the fact that I was more energentic and had my career in front of me, and that I had a few years to decide what I wanted to do. I now earn more than DH although just about to go on mat leave with my third!