Right age to have kids?

pollyanna24

I've been with my bf for 8 years now and people are starting to wonder if there is something wrong with us cos we haven't had sprogs.

We would love to, but I earn more than him and we need both our wages to keep the mortgage afloat.

Just wondered as a lot of people seem to have had their kids young on here, and I wondered am I missing the boat? I know people say that if we wait, and there is something wrong with one of us, we will kick ourselves, but it is just not an option for us at the moment. I can't even really go back to my job after I have a kid as it takes me 1 1/2 hours to get to work every day and I feel that is just too far to be from home when you have a child.

Sharifa_2

Sounds like you and he both know the time isn't right, so blow what anyone else says - you're people, not baby machines.

Curious_George_2

quite simply, the "right" age is when ever you are ready
please dont let busy body friends and relatives try and push you into anything, they dont have to do any of the work or pay your bills so they get NO say in it

Debt_Free_Chick

For some people, the answer is "never". I have never wanted children and at 46 don't feel as though I've missed out at all. Not sure where I would find the time for them :eek: and I'm not very tolerant with badly behaved children either

moj1966

I had my Ist child at 25 nearly 26. I had been with my husband since I was 18.
Would I have them this young again if I could have my time around, the answer would be NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Deleted User]

If your username suggests your age, 24 is young, you have loads of time left. I am 32, I had my first at 31 and am now pregnant with our second who will be here very close to my 33rd birthday. I have friends who have had their children young and others like me who left it till there 30's.

I think your reasons for not having kids yets are very valid. Like you I wouldn't want to be 90 mins away from my child and you and your partner might feel the strain of it all. Better to have a loving relationship and kids later, than now and the financial implications put extra stress on your lives. Babies are hard work especially in the first few months and as a couple you need to be able to pull together when your sleep deprived to be able to get through it, or you'll start resenting each other thinking their not doing enough, or even worse the baby.

How loudly is your clock ticking? Is it I'd love kids but am ready to wait a few more years or I really want to have kids now and its all I can think about?

Leilasmum

I'm 36. and we had our first 2 years ago. We'd been married for 10 years and both had good jobs. We decided to try for kids and then not be too bothered if it turned out we couldn't. As it turned out we could, we did and we've now got 2 lovely girls, and our lives are completely different. But don't feel pressured by anyone else - it's your life!

pollyanna24

I would absolutely love to have kids now, so the pressure ain't helping!

I'm 26 now, think I was 24 when I signed up here. As much as I know it's okay to have kids older these days, I don't want to be an old mummy either. I think I will start to panic when I'm 29 and I'm pregnant, so I guess I have three years before I start panicing.

Becles

I had my children aged 21, 23 and 31.

They were all born at the right time for me! Go with your instincts and have children when it feels like the right time to have them regardless of what other people think.

Justie

we're currently expecting our first - I've just turned 34 and OH is 38. We've been together 8 years.

our brothers all have teenage kids so there's been a sense of us being left behind for a while but tbh I never felt that there was any expectation for us to get on with it.

I had 2 different GPs say to me as I approached my 30th birthday that I shouldn't 'leave it too late' the damn cheek but friends and family have been good at not pressuring us.

I don't think there's an optimum age. For us it was about when WE felt ready and even when we started trying we weren't in a rush (although it happened pretty quickly). I know I'm the same age as some women who are already grannies but to tell you the truth I don't feel old at all and I wouldn't have wanted children any sooner. I look at my mum now and think about how old my child will be when I'm her age and you know it's not so bad! Everyone seems younger these days so even when I'm in my 60s I expect to be 'young' and not an old fogey like I remember my grandparents as being.

You'll know when the time is right for you when despite the drop in income or the change in lifestyle you want kids anyway. And age is nothing but a number so don't get too fixated on it.

Eels100

As has already been said, the right time is the time when you both (BOTH!) feel ready. I've been with OH over 4 years now (and for at least 3 of those his mum has been going on and on and on and onnnnnnnnn about grandchildren) but we'd only just bought a house together and were tight financially when I discovered I was pregnant. OH, being older, was delighted. Took me a long time to come round to the idea. Now baby's due in 2 weeks so whether I like it or not I've got to just deal with it - money's going to be tough but we'll manage one way or another. I don't really think I was that 'ready' but I also think I'm one of those people who would have found reasons not to have children until I was 50, then would have suddenly got broody!

My advice is to ignore other people completely and sit down and have a frank chat with your OH about what you both want. Don't get yourselves tied into timetables or deadlines, just get an honest idea of each others' feelings. Unless you're both fully committed I'd say work away for a wee while before reassessing things (and in the meantime try to squirrel away some pennies to help you be more flexible when you're down to one income, even if just for a while).