How to be strong?

jm2926 · 22 May 2014 at 3:13PM

Thanks everyone. Today was better, partly the shock of yesterday is less, and partly because there are slight improvements, making it easier to be positive.

Read the newspaper and chatted about that for a bit. Going back later.

I do have people I can talk to, it's just I have to be strong and positive for him.

hgotsparkle · 22 May 2014 at 3:50PM

I'm a crier too - I cry as soon as I feel something isn't right and I can't stop myself but the few times tragedy has hit me, I've kept it together around the people that need me to be strong. You just have to think to yourself, it helps others to see someone else being positive and coping, and that needs to be you.

catkins · 22 May 2014 at 4:10PM

If you are an emotional person then I think it is not always easy or even possible to stop that.

I cry easily, far too easily in fact. Anything sad - in a film, in the news, in the papers etc almost always makes me cry. When someone else cries I can't stop myself crying.

I am useless in sad/emotional situations. I wish I wasn't and I have tried different things such as biting the inside of my mouth, pressing my nails into the palm of my hand, trying to think of cheerful things etc but nothing works

missindecisive · 22 May 2014 at 4:55PM

Feeling emotional and crying is a natural occurance if your upset and concerned for a loved one. I can understand though if you want to appear stronger for his sake...you recognise that he needs to see you coping so that you don't put more stress upon him.
A relative close to me has been in a tragic situation with his wife and has suddenly had to cope with his young children on his own as well as nursing her through a serious illness. Anti depressants have helped him to cope and get through, before that he couldn't function. It may help you..talk to your gp. X

CH27 · 22 May 2014 at 5:32PM

jm2926 wrote: »

Thanks everyone. Today was better, partly the shock of yesterday is less, and partly because there are slight improvements, making it easier to be positive.

Read the newspaper and chatted about that for a bit. Going back later.

I do have people I can talk to, it's just I have to be strong and positive for him.

Remember your OH knows you & how you are. Don't try to be someone you aren't.

BigAunty · 22 May 2014 at 5:48PM

Crying is natural, nothing to be ashamed of, is not a weakness and, as far as I'm concerned, about as controllable as sneezing or vomiting.

I can see how people can deliberately make themselves to cry (thinking of Actors, manipulators and so on here) but I can't see how people can cut it out if they are on the cusp of genuine crying. For me, it has an unstoppable momentum.

For example, a friend said she couldn't understand how actors could make themselves cry on cue. I said to her 3 kids 'The first one that sheds an actual tear gets a quid from me.' About 30 seconds later, I was handing over a quid to one of her sons saying 'That's how'.

I did see an episode of the King of the Hill cartoon that focussed on Hank giving advice on how to control your emotions - apparently you swallow them until your chest hurts...

Lara44 · 22 May 2014 at 6:16PM

I think it depends how you handle the tears. I'm sure your OH can sense you are upset, and I think it's okay for him to know you're worrying about him. If you have a sniffle then let him know it's just because you care and you're sad that this had to happen. But that are coping yourself and are there for him too.

I'm pregnant at the moment and crying loads and I often just take the mickey out of myself afterwards. We have a good laugh about it all. Getting upset and then getting on with it are a part of life. Black humour can often help (although obviously at times inappropriate). Sometimes this is better than avoiding or repressing stuff - but obviously only you know best how much energy your OH has right now for the emotional side.

I think being stressed, worried and upset is such a natural reaction, and hope you're not beating yourself up about it. I'm glad to hear there is better news today and I hope that your OH makes a full and speedy recovery. Getting sick can happen to anyone at any time. It sounds like you are doing great.

meritaten · 22 May 2014 at 8:18PM

please don't try to 'bottle up' your emotions! that can cause huge problems later. its good to cry and have a 'release' of all that angst!
but there are other ways than sitting sobbing - try 'finding your mad'! then punch pillows, kick cushions, find a lonely place and scream and shout! (just to break the cycle of 'crying'. I am sure you can find something to get mad about).
allow yourself to do this every day if need be - but give yourself a time limit! 10 minutes. at the end of the time, take a deep breath, count to ten and give yourself a shake and tell yourself 'NOW I put my public face on'!
Yes, its 1980s Psychobabble - but it works! or it does for me anyway!

its really hard when you think you have to be 'strong' for someone - but, sometimes it really doesn't hurt to have a little cry with them and say 'I am so sorry this is happening to you - I am crying because I cant take (this) away from you). often it gives them the opportunity to stop 'being brave' and let some emotion out too.
I have cared for both my MIL and my FIL through terminal illness and know from both of them, that while everyone around them is behaving all 'bright and breezy' they could see through it. and it worried them more than honest emotional openness did.